A year goes by(e)

What A year!

2011 was eventful in many ways. I went through major changes with people, places and life. Some have walked in with a lot of smiles. Some have walked out with memories. Some places took new meanings. Some others remain, retaining their magic. New lessons everyday. New thoughts, new emotions. Its been a wonderful ride so far.

Everyday I feel thankful for what I have, thankful for whose relationships I have been blessed with, thankful for the sun, thankful for the moon, thankful for the sky, thankful for the trees, thankful for the food, thankful for the joy. Thankful for everything so far. Thankful for everything that dint happen so far. It is best the way it is!

This year, I hope to learn more, to grow, to forge new ties, to make a change, to be.

By the end of 2012,

I would have attained the aatma of my civil engineering degree! (my own definition of it)
I would have completed 10 paintings!
I would have played a decent amount of tennis!
I would have said thankyou everyday!
I would have smiled more!
I would have let go more!

I will recollect all this and more on the 31st of next Dec :)

To love, laughter and life
To a wonderful year

Stripped Walls

Its a countdown to get home. 5 more days to inexhaustible unlimited supply of hugs and love.

I decided I would pack slowly without straining myself in one day as is practice. I started off with stripping my walls down. I had written earlier here about my room and all the love I derive from it. I was going feed off the living sources of love putting the memories to a spell of break. Today it was time to put those memories into a folder for a newer and more hopeful semester.

Careful tugging of the tape that held the photos to the wall, making sure little pieces of plaster dint come off. Pinching blue tack and securing the notes carrying life lessons. A bend this way, a bend that way to straighten the photos. Plucking of board pins holding movie tickets at GV, boarding pass of first flight to uni, amma's love note, solution to rubik's cube and other romances of everyday life.

Stripping was done. I put them inside my folder and cleared the balls of tape and tack.

One look around the room and it hit me. These tiny pieces of paper were coping a multitude of things for me. They bestowed images on me and polished up everything that was missing.

The room looked eerie. Like a place that had no life. The walls alone had supplied life for the room.

And then again, its funny. How in instances like this we pin our hopes on inanimate things, and in some others even animate people wont do.

The hippies

I am listening to The Dewarists.

They resemble the hippies to me. A bunch of talented professionals from various strata of the music world come together in Indian cities and create awesome mind blowing compositions. Its interesting how we can create beautiful things from disconnected worlds. A deep lesson if you ask me!

One of my favourite songs Maaya by Indian Ocean and Mohit Chauhan

Love

You only lose what you love - and you often love what you lose.

I read this on a friend's facebook. Very beautiful and very deep I thought. I am going to just speak for myself. I always seem to be running away from what I love. I probably took the old Tamil saying a tad too serious. 'Dushtanai kandaal dhoora vilaghu' (read 'When you see an enemy, stay away from him'). Enemy is analogical to a lot of things. Be it choosing my course, parents or boys. 

So, how do you draw the line between loving and losing? I havnt figured out the answer, but I'll be sure to tell you when I do. 

Resume writing!

Its the half year mark of third year at uni. Time to stop fooling around and get serious about life after uni. People keep popping the 'What are you going to do when you graduate?' question. To add on to the fire, almost all my close friends are going to be interning next semester.


All this made really nervous about what I should do next! So, I decided to take the first step of the journey. Make a clean resume!


I knew I could count on one person for that! He is a close friend who triples up as a mentor and family. I sent him my resume & CV and asked him to review it for me. That was the beginning of a wonderful learning experience! Every time I sent him a version he'd send it back to me with improvements. The fact that it was scanned and remarked on with a pencil somehow hammered the suggestions deep into my head. We went through a week of 10-12 cycles of review and in the end came out my resume. Something I am immensely proud of now! I also took the help of some other friends who helped me get different points of view. The effort and thought processing we put in made oodles of difference to the document.


In all it was a really interesting ride, with a lot of awing about the importance of having a clean resume.


Some learnings to remember -

1) Patience - I learnt the importance of waiting for things to shape-up. I am a very distracted person. It takes great love for work and motivation to keep myself at it. I always hurry thing up in the end. This time though, I waited for it. I learnt to go along with it and realize the wonderful journey/outcome. Also, from my friend. He was extremely patient with me that one week! With all the corporate relationships he is used to, I thought it was really encouraging when he waited for me to learn. Very grateful for that!

2) While 'too many cooks spoil the broth',  the master cook can always handle the broth taking all the suggestions of the other cooks - I have always been better at working by myself, doing my thing. This time though I worked with three other people! Initially I took every bit of advice and blindly changed things on the document. As the reviews increased though I learnt to negotiate. To decide which I wanted to change, which I dint. If I had done this all by myself, I know that it would have remained Dhanya_Resume_v1.pdf. This is actually my biggest learning I would say. I learnt the importance of discussion and team work, in a way. 

3) To each his own - Just like every person has a unique fingerprint, every person has a unique view/opinion on things. I could see how each one of us noticed various aspects of the document. How we saw the words. What the words meant to us. This was a very deep learning. Having such varied opinion on things, I wonder how we even manage to run things in the world this way. I guess thats where compromise comes in. 

4) Sweat on details - Every space, every comma, every dot, matters. An achievement may not seem big to me in relativity, while on the contrary it might be something big to someone else'e eyes. It is essential to analyze a detail from the hirer's point of view and to try judging their understanding.

5) Easy on the eye, faster to the head - Formatting anything and making it cohesive makes life so much better. Personally, I like to keep things ordered and clean. I realized its important to extend it to every inch of life! 

Now I am all set for the next step. 'Looking' phase. Fingers crossed on this one to make it to where I want to go!

Joy

Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good, things really are - Marianne Williamson

Funny thing - I

I had a VERY funny moment right now. Moments rather. I was in the shower. I tried to think of all questions on my mind that needed creative approach. I thought about things. Munched over ideas.

Somehow I landed at my parents anniversary. I was thinking about how they were going to celebrate their 25 years soon. Then I started counting from the marriage year to now. 23. Two more years to a grand party. Yay. Wait. that means I must be turning 21 soon. But I am not. I was turning 20 soon. At least thats what I thought.

What followed this exact thought was a frantic 5 minutes were I counted their anniversary over and over to check. Then counted my birthday another umpteen times.

The conclusion: I was 21. Yes, I was going to be 21 in another month. Somehow the world had conspired into making me thing I was going to be one year younger. Either I was being stupid or the entire world had been wrong. Well, the former couldn't be the case. I had counted SO MANY TIMES. I had to be right.

Me and a friend had been discussing our next 4-5 years of life and we had constantly referred to us being 20 now. How wrong we had been. To think of forwarding all those plans by one whole year. The conspiracy smelt of bad blood. The world could not have been so mean to us.

I freaked out some more (a lot more). Rushed out of the shower back to my room, to call some one. I pinged a close friend and he was busy. I dint know how to solve the crisis. Thankfully another close friend came online and I called her. I told her the whole story with all the jazz.

Well, guess what. It was 2011. Not 2012.

All the while, I had been keeping 2012 in my head for some weird reason and had counted everything up to it. Oh. Dear. God.

Save. Me.

PS: The past few days seem to be featuring a lot of comic episodes like this one. While I am losing my mind, why don't I record it along I thought. So this is Funny thing - I. Many more to come, I assure you.

Conquer Yourself

It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell 

- Buddha

Thankyou Nithya!

Just skypeeeee

Ever wondered about how you can change a kid's life? All it takes is a skype conversation! Talk to these kids, tell them about your day, sing along, dance with them or even teach them how to make tea. They just need a spark of inspiration to make it big!

http://pudiyador.org/newsletters/PudiyadorTimes_Issue8.pdf

#3 - Application Letter

Dhanya Balasubramanian 

25, Prince George’s Park, 

Residence 6, 

Blk 30, #05-05 Room I, 

Singapore 118424 

HP: +65 905* ****

e-mail: dhanya91@gmail.com

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing to apply for the Entry-Level Consultant position. I am a final year undergraduate civil engineering student from the National University of Singapore.

My initial impression of Oliver Wyman was from your website that spoke of the firm’s excellent work in Management and Financial Services Consulting. However at the recruitment talk I saw much more - able, passionate and driven people who enjoyed their job and were glad to be talking about it to a bunch of curious undergraduates. That and their speech about the culture and importance of meritocracy showed me that my principles were a suitable fit for Oliver Wyman. 

My internship at CDM Smith which gave me exposure to the fastpaced nature of consulting firms, got me interested in facilitating businesses to run smoothly. This will certainly help me in adapting to the culture of Oliver Wyman. Consulting requires strategizing and planning ahead when bringing an idea from conception to completion. I learnt how to do that when I led a team of 5 for an Infrastructure Design Project and won an ‘Outstanding Individual Award’ from the Faculty of Engineering, NUS for my performance. I was also the President of an NUS art club where I organized many successful student events. These experiences that have taught me to be a team player, a keen observer and listener, highlight my potential to be an apt candidate for a consultant position. 

I interview leaders from various walks of life who have inspiring stories to tell and blog about it every fortnight. What started with interviewing friends and family, became interviews with Richard Stallman and Bijan Sabet. It has grown over a year now and makes me believe in the power of passion as an essential ingredient for success. My training as a civil engineer has helped me hone my analytical thinking which I believe is essential for a consulting position. It also makes me look at the big picture while simultaneously taking note of the details. My analytical abilities are further evident from the fact that I scored 100% in ‘A level’ mathematics and qualified for the nationals of the Informatics Olympiad, India.

I believe that I am a candidate who has a passion for creativity, an eye for detail and an interest for learning. I hope you will review my application to discover that I am suitable and pertinent for this position.

Looking forward to hearing from you,

Dhanya Balasubramanian

(Edited / 01 October 2012)

Change

I am drinking Milo.

From 'EW-I-cant-even-dream-of-drinking-that' 2 years back to 'ooOO-I-love-milo' right now. Same reaction for Yakult also :P

A lot of my observations these few weeks seem to be about change. It is all around me. I was just talking to a close friend about friendship. She is in a tiff with her friend of 5-6 years. And now she is just perplexed at how people change over such small circumstances. Some for good, some for a while. 

I am becoming aware of a ten million things that have changed in these two years. There is change about myself, about family, about friends and about the air. I seem to perceive everything in a new light every day. I am discovering new things about old issues. Accepting things I wouldn't have dreamt of accepting in the past. 

'Things dont change, we change'

PS: I also noticed how most of my posts are open-ended. I have realized now it works for me most. When I come back to it, I seem to ponder more on the same subject!

Midnight wish

A midnight wish, I was dreaming up
Things in my head, cooking up
One of those sentient thoughts
before going to bed
I wished lots
For rain and wind, ahead

Only to wake up
To a horse's gallop
Swishing of the wind
Pitter patter of the rain on the glass
Clatter of the louvres
Roaring of the thunder

Here I am trying to rhyme
Well past my bedtime
Sitting in the shadow
Thinking again of my midnight wish
Sitting by the window
Thoughts that dint vanish, Thoughts that need polish

Never regret anything..

..because at one point it was exactly what you wanted!

I love it. Whenever I think about choices I made and things I did, I tend to wonder if I should have done it. And especially when things go wrong after my choices I upset myself.

Not anymore. This has enlightened me enough. To make choices I 'want' to make. Everything else will fall into place. Or maybe not.

The upside is that I never have to wonder what 'could' have happened.


Will go to bed with a peaceful mind tonight! Clears up a lot of things :)

I am growing up

It was a huge realisation last night. A couple of dots in the past few days connected last night.

A Facebook friend of mine got married! Yes. She's as old as me, a schoolmate. And she's married! I was mind fucked (Pardon the language, but I dont think there is any other word to describe my state) for a few hours. I went on and on about it. I even called my mom up to share the news. I expected her to be appalled. Well, because I was. She laughed it off. And asked whats so surprising in that. I started gushing at her and asked her HOW in the world was it normal/ or even laughable. She said she got married when she was 20. In my opinion, that was 23 years back and that does NOT count. Anyway, she went on to reason that the girl probably finished her graduation and her parents also thought she should be married. That is not how things work for me. No WAY. Aren't you supposed to be working? Or if you dont want to work, travelling? Or I dont know, do something else. Surely not marrying! To top it all the guy looked very young (I am serious. When I say very I mean 'very') and they even went globetrotting for their honeymoon.

Couple of days back a friend was talking about her cousin getting married. Again, the protagonist of this story is aged 20. She also just decided to get married. Somehow, her being from another country justified the marriage for me. I did not know anything of their culture, tradition or societal norms. So maybe it was normal. We just moved on to lavish weddings and expensive gowns.

A friend of a friend was acting in some movie and I was looking up some details. It was a love story of sorts. But yet again the heroine is 20 :O

And yes thats when it hit me that I was growing up. I wasn't a school kid anymore. I wasn't small or tiny. I was a woman. Almost 20. And it is no surprise that girls my age were making huge life decisions by now. It wasn't about the culture. It was just about time for some people.

Yes. I have chosen to do other things at the same time. I want to get my undergraduate degree, a few years of work experience doing what I love, some money in my bank account and an independent single life before I get into all the family jazz. Thats just me. Some others have made other decisions. There was nothing appalling there. And I am telling myself (as mom put it) 'Dhanya It's quite normal'.

The old man at the park

There is a hill behind one of the university accommodations. Atop the hill is a park. Quite small. Couple of benches, variety of greenery and an excellent view.

My mother was visiting me and a cousin took her to this park, while they were waiting for me to finish class. Firstly, she was at awe at the entire country(city?), it being her first time in Singapore. She wondered how they managed to keep everything so neat, ordered and pretty. She did ofcourse make remarks on the artificial-ness of the affair. She awed at the people and their sincerity in the little exchanges she handled. 

They drove to the park in the evening. Around 4 o clock. It was quite empty. Except for just another vehicle. They did not even manage to find any people. While they were enjoying the view up there, my mother noticed a park cleaner. He was raking away, doing his job in singularity. Forget that it was a windy day and most of his work was recursive. 

When she recollected this observation I wondered. I wished I could be committed to my work EVERY single day no matter what the circumstances were. He must have found his drive. I am still looking for mine! 

I wonder how, I wonder why

I was at clementi mall a while back. I was having lunch with a friend at Burger King. To our right, there was a 70-something couple having their meal. The woman was in a wheel chair and the man was pushing her around. They were eating fries and were sharing a drink with two straws in it.

I haven't seen something so awe and so cute and oh-god in sooo long! It made me wonder if I'd want that if I was ever in a wheel chair. I do. I am guessing almost every other person would too.

And then again I saw this video on facebook. About an excellent singer on X factor. He was a handicapped Iranian by origin, adopted by an Australian Mother. His performance was moving for many reasons. What I noticed was however, the mother - Moira Kelly. She runs Children's First Foundation in Australia. To sum it up - she has changed the lives of many kids and continues to do so.

These two encounters got me thinking about my life and what I want (Yet another time! - I do so much thinking, sometimes I forget to live it :/) Anyway, I was just contemplating. Would I give up having a regular life with a regular family to change people's lives? Can I try and manage both?

I wonder.

I want a yellow typewriter

I like the beatles.

Listening to them makes me realize how important it is to remember the sound of music, blue sky, green sea, little children who laugh, banker on a motorbike, strawberry fields, clinging wives, birds that flew, lonely people, girls named jude, the sun that comes, girls that have tickets to a ride, girls who love, and how we need eight days a week.

I was listening to yellow submarine a while back. And I think I know what I want for my birthday. A yellow typewriter. As yellow as the sun. I am sitting here typing on a black keyboard with hardly any colour or life. It would light up my life. By a far-away galaxy of stars. Right inside my room.

I want a yellow typewriter.
As yellow as mustard sauce.
As yellow as the little girl's frock.
As yellow as the sun.

Why should I?

I have been noticing this habit among people around me. So whenever there is a lot of talking/discussion going on, there is always one or two people constantly saying 'Chill man'. I dont get it. Honestly I dont.

Why should I? What exactly is the motive of the person who says it? I havent figured this one out yet. Its putting off, really. If I want to be excited about something. I choose to be. Why would you try and shut me up? Occasionally my mom has also used it. I see it around a lot. A LOT.

Wouldn't it be much simpler if you choose to be delighted in the persons excitement. Or if it is bothering you so much, just ignore the person. Let them dwell in their own bubble. After all its a bubble, it ought to burst sometime.

I think it takes a bigger person to be able to do this.

Procrastination can actually be good?!

Theory of Structured Procrastination!


So what you need to do is:
1. Make a list of tasks that you need to accomplish. 
2. Arrange them from most important to least important. 
3. Then, procrastinate doing something that is higher on the list by doing something lower on the list.
How simple! This way, we would do the least important thing, procrastinating the most important thing the whole time. Getting all the work done, yet being a procrastinator. I think it would fool the mind. Trying right away!


Interestingly, this is not the first time this concept came about: Robert Benchley used this principle in 1940,   “The secret of my incredible energy and efficiency in getting work done is a simple one. I have based it very deliberately on a well-known psychological principle and have refined it so that it is now almost too refined. I shall have to begin coarsening it up again pretty soon. The psychological principle is this: anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn’t the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment."  from “How to Get Things Done” (1940)

The source article is here!

God isn't she Perfect!