And we close!

One hell of a 4 months!

It ended a couple of hours back. The crazy submissions and projects. Crazy friends. Everything.

It will take a while for the system to understand that no assignment is due the next morning. No tests are coming the next week. And no reports are due in the next month.

Its going to be a get used to truth day and lazy time.

ZzzzZZZzzzz

See you on the other side, Mr.Structure

Do spare me for going on and on about exams. My life will revolve around them till the next two days. I had a concrete design exam today. Structures is one of the major components of Civil Engineering. And I am happy to announce this will be (touch wood) the last ever tryst with this component of civil.

I am the daughter of a Structures guy. He mastered in this particular component. Sadly none of the interest or talent got transferred into my cells. I don't despise the subject. I don't like it either.

Like everything else, I like the lighter side of things in Civil. Soil, Planning. I can only explain in person when I say lighter. Its a mind map of reasoning for why these make me more happy.

I hope for a lovely structure-less graduating year at NUS in the coming months. Time flew so quickly. Thoughts on that are soon to follow!

To my companion. You have inflicted a lot of pain. The soul was however, well seasoned by now to take it all in and let out a hearty burp. Ciao my friend!

Spirit of volunteering

I was listening to the radio today and a director of a NGO was live. The presenter asked him some basic questions about volunteering and how people responded to the idea on a long term.

A particular question was about how people feel the volunteer fatigue and if they really serve the true meaning of volunteering. His response was amazing. I assumed that people go for a way to spend time or make friends. Even worse are people who do that to cover some extra ground on their resume.

His view was that when this person has time to spare or some networking to do they could do it in any way they wished. Between going to a bar or playing tennis to meet people, they picked volunteering. Whatever their purpose seemed like, they fit in the 'I care' component into their objective. Some part of them wanted to change their community, do their part in giving a hand and help it grow.

He said that pretty much works. If you have enough in you to show that care and reach out, you are noble enough. You will change enough. You will leave with a bigger heart.

Great thought!

100 years of style

What a lovely montage! Its a bit hard to follow seeing 100 years of fashion and dance is squeezed into under 2 minutes. The second time you see it, its easier!

Its amazing how everything comes and goes in circles. You can see the repetition of numerous fashion ideas with slight touches from different seasons. That kind of applies to a lot of things in life as well. The environment has gone through multiple cycles of global warming and cooling - though the extent varies with every cycle. What  goes around, comes around.

Life lesson? Dont worry too much if you missed an opportunity for something else that you wanted more. It will come around in a different form if you really wanted/deserved it!

Grandma

A family usually comes with greatness from all its varied members. For one of those people from very big families like me, it is a learning in itself to maintain bonds with the entire age range. It differs from granddad, a strong man all of 87 to a little cousin sister, a 3 year old ball of glitter.

I was speaking to mom the other day about her mother - my grandmother. I cannot speak to her on the phone these days. Her hearing is not at its best years. A proud woman she refuses to use any hearing aid devices. We did not push on her. She chooses to listen to the little she can grasp and complete the rest of what we speak with her own whims. 

I admire her a lot. She brought up 4 daughters and a son all by herself, after granddad(thatha) passed away. They were teenagers all of 12 and 13 going through their own phases in life. She never went to any school but she managed to run thatha's business as much as she could. She provided them with the best of education and helped them settle down in their lives. 

She is always very forward in her thinking. One of the best things I admire about her is her denial of age. She would never own up that she is 80. Talk to her and she'll tell you how she is guessing she's around 65. This translates into a lot of humour in our everyday. She refers to people (her age) almost always as older people. In her eyes shes the youngest old person around! That does a lot of good to her self-confidence in my opinion. Imagine, she never has to worry about her age and the problems that come with it. 

You cannot catch her in dirty clothes or looking too pale. She would always prim herself up to look the best. She would never miss medicines or forget them. She plans her day around these tiny rituals to take care of herself. Though it is tough to stop her from eating a piece of that jalebi. 

I was feeling a bit nostalgic today about her and her house we spent summers in with all the other cousins. I can't wait to visit her in the next few months!  

Are we wasting more time?

This is quite a random chain of thought I went on yesterday.

How many of us slave at the gym/jog/attend fitness classes every other day? All in an effort to be fit and stay healthy! That requires us to keep 30 min to an hour of each day for something like this (Sometimes the 30 min per day goes in just 'thinking' about how I will exercise).

Alright, that's our generation. How did people from the past generation do it? My parents do a similar thing as well. Okay the generation before that? My grandfather does not go on walks. My grandmother did not walk on a treadmill.

So how did they do it? I realised that they did enough physical work around home. My grandfather was a bank manager. He would walk to work. He was also a farmer. He visited his farms and took part in the hard work on the fields. My grandmother kept some part of the house work to herself. We always had a sparkly house when she was around. Thats exactly how they stayed fit.

To me it looks like we give up on some other work every time we go to a gym to workout or take a run around the park. How would it be if you clean your house while you exercise? Make it a fun workout. Throw your hands all around and do everything you would do on the yoga mat. I don't know about you, but I am loving the idea! Go to the garden and water some plants while you dance. Sure, your neighbour might think its finally official - your madness. Who cares?

PS - People have even made websites telling you how to do this!

Sony, my honey

I have an attention span of a 3-year old. They probably do better than me actually. So eliminating distractions is one of the essential rituals I need to do before sitting down for some serious concentration. I don't carry my laptop when I work. I sometimes have to encourage concentration by putting off pee breaks (It works! Diamonds are formed only under extreme pressure)

I am a proud owner of a smartphone. It can do the basic minimal things a smartphone can do. Quite sufficient for my needs. Ever since the phone arrived, distraction has been at its peaks. In the exam week, these basic things my phone is capable of achieving become the focus of my attention. Whatsapp and silly games take the helm of priority. When I don't take my laptop 'Fear not' says my heart, 'why else did Appa buy you a smartphone. Use the wifi!!' And then I do! One has to listen to one's heart.

How to kill this evil?

Plan A - Dont switch on wifi
Result - Whom are you kidding, doesnt work..

Plan B - Keep the phone 5 feet away
Result - I slowly inch towards the phone and end up in the one foot radius in no time..

Plab C - Silent mode
Result - Switching on the On/Off button constantly to check if I have messages..

Plan Drastic-Dracula-D - Change phones
Result - Hoo yeah!

I carry my old Sony Ericsson around now. My dear dear phone. Its capable of messaging/calling and quadra-popping. Perfect life solution!

How I miss those buttons. One of the things I hated about my new phone was how I had to place my fingers in the precise location and type. Absolutely loathed it. For a brief period I am back to bliss. How good it feels to be typing something! This time its actually typing. Not some software posing as a keypad.

I am considering making this shift a permanent one. Who needs fancy apps and the loud pop on Whatsapp. We all ache to make a connection with nature. We love our holidays by the rainforest/beach. That is the high I am having right now. As if I have reconnected with a simpler life. Lets see. It takes more than a day to feel the real pressure of this.

Diversity

I am scramming for my HR exam tomorrow morning. My head is full of theories and links psychologists and sociologists have drawn up about various aspects of Human relationships. I like this module's readings for the tiny thought spurts it inspires.

One such reading was about diversity. Coming from Chennai, India I did not feel a lot of diversity in school years. After all, the school system is developed around uniformity and equality. It paid off for the most part.

A tiny introduction I got was during the jazz about reservation. I think it is quite alright to have reservation. How else are we going to encourage students from the less-privileged societies to take up higher studies. The elite will find a way. They always do. They have been brought up in such a surrounding and mindset, given their opportunities and exposure. Live and let live. That's what I look at reservation as.

Diversity. The real taste I would say is right now, in this phase of my life. I sit in a class with students from at least 10 different countries. 10 different cultures. 10 different languages. My friends are from different cultures and hence different mindsets. None of this stops us from having our fun and being true to each other. It's been an interesting ride so far. There are times I felt I was being discriminated for my skin colour. And then again I have to shamefully admit there are times I made judgments about someone before I even got to know them. Judgments that were purely stereotypical.

The reading is giving me an insight into what a low mistake it has been. Judgment is never right. However provoked I feel. How much ever judgments I receive. It never is right. I would still be myself. I will try to look at the world for what it is through my eyes.

Everything.
As it is.

Want vs Need

I always said 'I have to do something' or 'I need to do something'. I am sure most of us do. Its quite casual.

I began to use 'I want to do something' a while back. And there has been a world of difference.

Really? Yes!

When I used 'I need to do something', arguments with self were simple. The part that knew something  was due soon, would say so. The other evil part would say 'You don't need to do that now. Theres more time'. Enter, procrastination.

Now try the same argument with 'I want to do something'. Argument is invalid. I would be contradicting myself! Enter, work-on-time!

This re-phrasing works wonders, mostly (Notice mostly). The sense of wanting something is very different from needing something. I remember some vague definition in a Marketing class about how need is a essential and want is luxury. It spoke about how we usually crave for luxury. Thats because essential is well, essential. Conventionally, we are encouraged to satisfy our needs. Wants are usually on an aspiring list that is ever-extending.

Think out of that box. Try making a want list that is precise and exact. However the theory works, the practical utility of doing this is amazing! Try it. WANT it :)

- Ever wanting

Last day of the semester

It's the last day of the semester. I thought I'd try and remember some things that stood out the most in these 4 months.

1 A sem of new academic ventures - I was more regular in attending classes. More regular with assignments. It has lead me to understand what is really important when it comes to uni. More regularity helps in the long run.

2 Getting into a system - Outside of classes, I experienced more of a systematic life. Regular sleep and meal hours. Less of TV shows. More of News. The discipline is giving me great deal of energy. Earlier, most of the days I was never motivated to work. Now I wonder if it was because of my extremely irregular sleep pattern. Afterall, in school all was well. Bed at 10 or 11. Wake up at 6 or 7. It was these first few years of uni. I read this somewhere, 'I like to be in relationships to get a fresh dose of interest for singlehood' Haha. I dont believe in the quote myself. The analogy however, I understand.

3 A tiny bit more care for the body - One of the best decisions of this semester has been signing up for a Pilates class on campus. Every friday, it was dose of new (extremely strenuous) postures. That inturn inspired a 15 min version in my room everyday. Nothing too big. Just a tiny dash of care. It has contributed to a feeling of wellbeing more than the wellbeing it self. Then again, is what you think is real or what is actually real that is important?

4 Internship - I do not call myself an academically inclined person. My interests lie elsewhere. I know that. 'Elsewhere' is still getting a shape. In the meantime, I need some data to feed the shaping. This semester was wonderful in terms of test of confidence and self-belief. I have been applying to summer jobs ever since November and finally by the end of March I found a place - A place I can gladly call a dream job. Its so far exactly what I wanted. I have all of summer to figure out the truth of that statement! Looking forward like never before!

5 Absence of friends - I am putting this in the end, mostly because I think the success of most of the above came indrectly due to this fact. Almost all of my close friends are on their internships. I hardly ever get to meet them. Whenever I did hang out with them, irregularity cropped up! It did not matter because I was able to feed some chicken soup to the soul at those times. The next step would be figuring out the line between balance and friends I guess. What else is the next semester for!

The kid on the bus

This happened a couple of months ago. I was on the bus to the MRT. Next to me was this kid. His height was around that of a 13 or 14 year old. In appearance however, he looked much older. That gave me the impression of him being special. He was messaging someone contantly, putting his phone back into his pocket with every ping.

I couldn't help but observe him. Then I noticed. The inside of his left hand was full of cuts. His fingers were bitten to the flesh. In a little while he started speaking to himself. A bit later, he removed his spectacles and started crying saying something all the way.

I could not contain my tears for him. To me he looked like a kid who needed help. Not in terms of taking care of himself. He was doing a great job of that. Travelling all alone and getting off exactly where he wanted to. He needed help in terms of a friend who can talk to him. Thats what the human in me understood.

How many of us treat our peers with disregard when we find their behaviour a tad different from ours. For that I do not understand competition. I do not understand survival of the fittest. I am still contemplating how I can be there for these people, just as a normal friend. I will get back here when I do.

Perspective

Perspective is one aspect of everyday that amazes me. A lot of little instances teach a lesson that stems from this aspect.

I was taking a break. These breaks are usually supposed to be 5 mintues. But end up becoming much bigger due to things like Facebook. I was scrolling through this album.

The boy had visited an museum. He had posted pictures of himself and his friends beaming in front of 'The Raft of the Medusa' at Lourve. It is an oil painting by Theodore Gericault. A heart-wrenching depiction of death and hope. I was startled. I looked at the picture and went 'How can anyone even smile in the presence of this work?'. I had taken a introduction to Art History class in Uni last year. Thats where I learnt about the details of this massive masterpiece. Gore at its best. All the sadness I have ever been through in my life comes to my mind when I see this picture.

I have never been to Lourve. I have never seen this picture. Just the digital version of the masterpiece makes my moments take a low. Imagine standing right in front of this painting. How much emotions one would go through. I wonder.

Then again I thought about it. The painting was to those people what a rock would be to me. My soil professor would probably go 'How can she sit there and pose with this rock? Why isn't she exploring the area, for this is such a rare find.'

Perspective.

Being the sage

I was reading an article about concentration and this particular idea about being a sage struck a chord.

The author urges the reader to become a sage in everything you do. The ideas that stood out for me:

- Be selective about what you do

- Ask questions before you start any activity

- Saying no, when it is what you want to say

They make so much sense to me. I am a person who always found it hard to say no. I am consciously trying to change that now. I try to prioritize my wants and only if the activity helps my priorities I say yes. It has done some good. It has given me more time. In the past, I always worried if the person would be hurt if I refused. I now realise that they would understand and find another way.

Asking questions is a great concept. I have not incorporated this completely into my day and hence I cannot speak of its uses. I read the same idea on 'Change your questions, change your life' by Marilee G Adams. She talks about a choice map. The basic idea is that everytime you are faced with a situation you have two choices:

- questions something so that you can learn more about it

- judge something and end up on the wrong path

With every decision that we have to make we have these two options. If we consciously try and ask questions everytime, it would lead to new answers that would make so much sense for the situation. 

Incorporating these two ideas will be on the conscious-subconscious to-do henceforth!

Untouchables?

I was watching the 'Raj' dude from Big Bang Theory on Conan's show. Kunal Nayyar.

It was all hail and funny until he started describing members of the Hijra community. From my limited knowledge, I know that they perform at weddings and child births mostly in North India. Their dance is supposed to bring good luck to the ceremony. In exchange, they get paid a tidy sum.

While describing them, he says 'A bunch of eunuchs show up at your door. They are 'untouchable' to the society..' I could not care what he said later.

Untouchable? Is that really in use any more? I know that transexuals are not treated equally in the society. Till this day however, I have never thought of them as untouchables.

I myself have had an unfavourable experience when one of them asked me for money, back home in Chennai. I did not know what to say to her. She was so threatening. Very well, that was a special case.

How could you even think of another human being as untouchable. Are you from the 15th century or something? He is supposed to have lived in America for the past decade, more so. One would assume his thinking would have broadened in some tiny way.

Apparently no. He says so on national TV. What kind of image is he portraying for educated Indians? Wouldn't a random Mr.X who watches that and manages to catch that bit of discrimination, subconsciously assume that all Indians think so.

If you see the video you might think that I am just blowing something he casually mentioned. I don't think so. In my opinion if you even have that word in your dictionary, you are not a just or fair person. Your thinking is shallow. Time to change your mindset and try to become a bigger person.

More bothersome was the fact that, only I seem to have been offended by this 'joke'.

All that remains

Conversations, we learnt to resist

Phone calls, they ceased to exist

How could they any more

The glasses, they were replaced

That little note, it was misplaced

Lost to the pages of some book

Questions, they were now haunting

Last impressions, still taunting

With lesser severity by the day

The joy with every yes

The pain with every no

Vanish they did, one by one

Now, all that remains

Are the memories.

God forbid,

Someday that would vanish too

Sunken days

Its one of those days. I am preparing myself mentally for it. I have to get some approvals from the admin. And the process is just tough.

I have been trying for the past two days and plotting directions in which I can approach them. One by one it has failed. I am going to try for the final time today.

Everyone says in NUS, you just beg, plead and the approval is yours. For me, it has never worked that way. Once I went against the system that was the end of the approval.

Its something about convincing people. About being standing there and getting your way.

Wish me a lot of luck, I need it all.

Creating from scratch - DIY projects

I am a huge fan of DIY. Whatever I would come across, I love to try it out myself. Its something about creating/doing something all by yourself. It could have been too much of art and science project shows. It could have been mom who is exceptional at doing things the creative way.

Some of favourite times in the holidays have been trying my hand at creating things. I remember -- holiday projects of making castles with left over rubbish at home and then painting it into something castle-like, planting on the roof and quite recently, making my own dress.

Its not easy to get it right. It takes multiple tries. It takes a lot of time and effort. After all that, its the joy of putting things and skill together. Its the joy of seeing the finished product. That's why I know my heart lies in a little shop where I create with other craftsmen! 

I saw this page where you innovate with little things at home to make it easier. Very clever innovations. See if you find anything relevant!

Happy DIY!