The bigger Australian dream!

Ren and I just got back from our ten day adventure to the cities of Sydney and Melbourne!

It was our first time Down Under and we had so many eye-opening moments about life & living over these days. Most of these moments led us to contrast our life back in Singapore with this new found reality. In summary, it was a trip that made us wonder if we were really after the bigger things in life - the things that matter.

1) Most of the society shuts down at 6pm.. 

..barring a few wild sections whose members venture into restaurants and bars until midnight. People seemed to plan their week ahead during the weekend and simply 'live' in the weekdays! Everyone has an activity/interest that gets pursued in this wonderful evening time - be it cycling across the town or spending time with their toddlers. It seems like the Neo-classical fable of work-life balance is actually a reality in this part of the world. Whaaat? 

2) People are warm..

..genuinely. Sure, we met some oddballs who spewed general hate at the world. Which city doesn't have them though. What I mean is that the average mood of the society was happy/warm. I always look for signs at retail environments thanks to the occupational hazard - casual conversation amongst employees; a hello, smile and 'how ya doin' at the customer; satisfaction with work and a lining of lethargy indicated comfort. 

3) Oodles of love for the family..

..,a priority we saw in every local we interacted with. One of our cab drivers moved to Sydney to let his 9 year old girl pursue a Sydney education. Another loved his body boarding life by the Maroubra beach with his Japanese wife and their 15 year old tennis playing daughter. We stayed with a gay couple whose love for their home/dog/each other only kept us hoping we'll one day build similar lives for ourselves. 

Oh and I didn't mention the availability of good green food everywhere. And the landscape - pretty much every turn and corner was picture-able. I could go on, but you got the drift! 

Sure, there were times when our Singaporean selves couldn't stand the casual airport officers; lack of realtime public transport arrival estimation in some parts; shops that closed at 6pm; Opal (Sydney) and Myki (Melbourne) cards that were eons away from our very own ezlink (booyea);  temperate weather when the chill touched our souls. But you know us, we love to complain heh. 

Now if I shake the Singaporean out and say 'big picture' 3 times, we zoom back to our cold 4* evening discussions which revolved around 'what are we prioritising again?!'. 

We both are back with people to remember and goals to prioritise. And perhaps a wish to move to this awesome-sauce country?! 

Someday you will realize the importance of priorities

You turn 22 today. With about 2 years and 6 months between us, it hardly feels like an age difference. You've always been the wiser, smarter, and more talented of the siblings. However, both you and I know how we alternate the roles of elder and younger when the situation calls. I remember 22, the details of it like it was yesterday. I also remember 22 as something that happened a long long time ago.

Being the know-it-all that I am around you, I put together a list of things, I wish someone told me then. Or perhaps even before 22. Some of these things, you do. Some of these things, you know. I am still struggling to adopt some myself. What I do know for sure, is the superior relevance of these tiny lessons in our lives.

Happy birthday, patoos!  :*

1) Jobs will come and go. Special someones will come and go. Don't forget to call your kin.

2) Keep, in your life, the people who've earned your respect.

3) For the ones that haven't, be there for them anyway. But remember they were never going to be your priority.

4) Figure out your routine to combat body odor. There is nothing more distracting than an odor giving away poorly kept hygiene.

5) Choose whom/what you spend time with, its so precious.

6) Pick an art - reading, writing, sketching, listening, singing, running or even watching tv shows. But make it your art and become the highest authority on it.

7) When amma told me this, 7 years ago I kept a poker face and sniggered inside. She said none will love you and think of you as much as your parents do. I now truly know the meaning of this statement.

8) If done right, you will experience the transformation you go through with parents - they will become mentors/friends and they will seek you out more than they ever have, for their own problems. It is somewhere in the middle of this you realize that they are humans too, just like you. That they have dreams too, just like you.

9) Friends will come and go - if you let it. Friends will stay - if you make sure of it.

10) A favourite thought from Clayton Christensen's book - How will you measure your life: What job are you hiring that milkshake for? A simple marketing technique really, this can be applied to any relationship in your life - in the reverse direction. You want someone in your life. You ask yourself - what job is he/she hiring you for? Sometimes its conversation, sometimes its companionship, sometimes its distress partnership. But figure this out and keep that person in your life. Do something because they want you to do it and not because you want to - like cooking a meal for your friend after a long day even though you'd rather sleep; going to the store just to buy some chocolates when they had a bad day; taking care of a phone call you would rather avoid.

11) Take care of your health. Go all out when you want to - but stay conscious of the quality/quantity of food/alcohol that crosses your lips.

12) Practice frugality when ever you can - remember your footprint on nature. Don't buy only because you can. Don't waste only because you can.

13) “In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.” Kindness is probably the most important quality you won't learn - try to.

14) Go out and live life all you want; remember to come back home.

15) Always remember to get travel insurance.

16) Invest some time and energy in perfecting your smile - it can save you in so many ways, so many times.

17) Remember, this too shall pass. In adversity, try to respond, try not to react.

18) Stay away from gossip. Try not to spread them too.

19) Buy gifts when you visit people in their homes - flowers and chocolates will do.

20) Treat people to lunches and dinners - pass the love on.

21) Dress nicely, put in an effort - there's nothing more pleasing than someone who spent 10 mins thinking of how they were going to look for you (no, not just for a special someone).

22) Clean up after yourself, pick yourself up, and fend for yourself - as much as you can.

--

Bridging The Gaps 2016, Lucknow

I rushed out from work at 3pm and boarded my flight to Lucknow with a backpack and a stomach full of pongal, vadai and sambhar. My friend Vikram had been to the BTG camp the previous year and he had then sworn I would love it. Following which, I had made up my mind to make it the next year. Things worked out and I was able to ! And man what an experience.

120 kids. 60 coaches and mentors. 5 days of frisbee, sun, art, dance, claps, sweat, honesty, tanda paani, and masti.

The camp was a beautiful space that aided one to experience time outside his/her shell. It was designed so that one feels safe enough to be his/her self - the layer of judgement whipped away with a magic wand. Sangeeta, an eloquent dancer, one of the organizers, put it beautifully - she said they designed the experience to take place in a "womb-like environment". From day 1 to day 5, I could see some of the transformations in this conducive space - a boy who struggled to say hello, gave a thank you speech holding a mike; a girl who was not allowed to step out of her home, danced away to glory with a swollen ankle; a girl who came knowing only Tamil, left with the ability to translate Hindi to Tamil; a boy who was hesitant and shy to speak left after making a 100 friends.

What was most amazing about these transformations was the way in which they were facilitated. Volunteer coaches both experienced and new, came together to first understand mentoring, and then to implement it in their teams. This 2-fold approach towards impact was aimed towards multiplying the outreach, so that an estimate of 3000 children would benefit from the lessons. These coaches exhibited raw passion and seemingly endless energy in engaging the kids through every aspect of the camp. You could see the coaches' influence in the eyes of the children when they addressed their coach - didi, akka, anna, and bhaiya. 

Every day began at 05.00 am and ended well past 10.00 pm - action packed. And through out the day one could see the energy troughs and peaks. 05.45 am saw children and adults with half closed eyes and a slightly unwilling walk into the buses. 06.15 am saw the exact same bunch jumping and howling to waka waka in the middle of a huge green ground. It was then time for frisbee. In these few hours, coaches learnt the nuances of communication with their senior mentors' guidance; children learnt to hold their frisbees and clap one, the crocodile way. I got to walk around in the scorching sun, discover stories of the wonderful people who put together a miraculous camp, and catch the occasional disc. Every frisbee session ended with 200 people breaking into a dance before boarding our buses back to the dorms!

The day saw sessions of gender equality modules, art inspiration, painting, playing, singing, dancing, and thinking. In every one of these sessions the children reacted beautifully to the materials we presented. They owned it, and made the lessons their own.

I ran the art sessions and got to see the kids bring out their creativity with the right tools. The goal was a simple one - in pairs they had to gather fallen leaves, flowers and twigs from the play ground and create a meaningful logo for their team. Here is what we saw - talent at its best form. These children reminded me of a lesson that is perhaps forgotten every now and then - where there is a will, there is a way. Always.

After some amazing mind work and team bonding, it was time for frisbee again in the evening. Liz, an amazing organizer, who was always seen with her Mary Poppins backpack, said it was all she could ask for in a day - children playing frisbee and dancing to the tunes of lungi dance.

Post dinner in the dorms was probably the most fun part of the day - a couple of hours of dancing, just dancing. Again from day 1 to day 5 - you could see the children/adults learning to mix around and dance with anyone, transforming.

For me it was a lesson in sharing, camaraderie, giving, smiling, letting go, losing yourself, and creating. Most importantly it was a lesson in saying "yes, and.." - always makes my day to see this one in action! It was a lesson in proving to oneself that once you do step out of the comfort circle, you experience yourself!

It wasn't just the kids who went away with realizing who they could be, it was also the adults who went away realizing what they can inspire.

"We can't do all the good that the world needs, but the world needs all the good we can do"

Good and great; hard and harder

I was just on a call with a dear friend and we were discussing life choices. We are both looking at career choices in front of us and thinking through the best foot to put forward.

We chanced upon a beautiful realization - that life will always be hard, because it's worth it that way! I remember when I was in high school, my class teachers used to swear that the board exams were the hardest thing we would ever do in our lives. And that if we performed well, we would be settled - into a good college, in a good job, with good friends, with a good partner, with a good family, and in a good deserving life.

They swore by it.

And man we fell for it, like baby cockroaches for the pest spray - all it took was one good whiff of belief.

Today, 7 years after I wrote my 12th grade exams, I sit wondering if life will ever be good.
Because in the pursuit of goodness, we sometimes lose the chance for greatness.

Sometimes good is so attractive, that we fail to see the tiny leap it takes to be great.

I think life is meant to be hard - great comes from hard. And I think we should never just stop at good.

First, good. Then, great. 

Malli poo. Cupcakes. Carrots.

One guy once called me a malli poo - probably the most derogatory usage for a name of a flower. Like cupcakes. Like carrots. To those of you who are struggling to understand why I think its derogatory, here's another example. Would it be okay to refer to a tradition loving brahmin boy, as thayir sadam ? I mean I LOVE thayir sadam - I have lived on it all these years and would vote it as comfort food number 2 (right behind rasam sadam hehe). All that though does not make it okay to call someone thayir sadam.

I was in class 2 weekends ago - a small community of volunteers and kids aged 5-8 come together to read stories, engage in story-telling, in effort to increase their curiosity to learn. There was one particular kid who was having a rough day, and trying to garner attention. While us volunteers were trying to channel his energy into his book away from his friend's pencil, another kid from across the room called him a retard. One of us moved to speak in private to this opinionated kid and explain class rules. The others acted like it didn't happen and continued to show our attention to the rest of the kids.  

I came across this post a few days ago, a shaming of a huge part of India's women and their purpose - 11 Easy Steps To Become A Sanskaari Superwoman. It makes one wonder if respecting parents and having a bit of faith is judgement worthy. I get it. It is meant to be a light-hearted take on a saas/bahu stereotype. But is it? Who are you to make mockery of a person's purpose in life?

Let's take a step back.

Would it be okay if your slightly traditional dad/mom/granddad/grandmom shared a light-hearted buzzfeed article on 11 Easy Steps To Become a Career Superwoman?

I felt like a loser years ago, that someone would refer to me as malli poo TO ME, irrespective of their intention. I wonder what the kid thought if he did indeed comprehend what retard meant. I wonder what a mom, who gave up her small dreams and wishes in order to be the best bahu possible, thought when she saw the Sanskaari Superwoman article on Facebook. I wonder what a girl who aspires to become a pilot feels when she overhears a livingroom conversation of women these days wanting too much.

We all make mistakes. I am certain I have judged people in the past and probably continue to do so. The key to #tolerance and #acceptance though is meta-cognition. Awareness of our own thought processes and understanding.

Look at this beautiful video of a mom's dream of acceptance for her child - growing up confident, having a decent set of manners, having a great sense of humour, having a good time, and having good friends. That I believe will create a world of equals, of acceptance, of growth!