Learning from mistakes

It was a bad day at work. My very first of many more, as I have come to realize. I did not know how to react when things went wrong and started to fall apart. Stage 1 was denial as usual. And then I went through complain, acceptance, realization, and humor - through the day.

I was angry, mostly at myself; confused, at what I was doing; impatient, because I wanted to get away.

Making mistakes is an important part of the learning process. But being the person I am, I like to think that I don't make mistakes; that I am thorough. That itself was my first mistake. 

Refusing to acknowledge what had happened led to me being unfocused, adding some more smaller stones to the bucket of mistakes.

I was devising plans of quitting by now. How I'll resign; what I'll tell my mentors; what I'll do instead; and I also managed to cover which jobs I'll apply for.

And finally, like I always do with other things - I wanted to run away from the problem. When you are working in an environment like mine, you realize how that's near impossible. 

Thankfully, I reached realization by now and started working on my errors. I called it a bad day and did my best. I wrote down my errors and acknowledged them. I also wrote down what I'll do to make them go away. 

This was a long overdue lesson. Today, am happy; I know exactly why I am doing what I am doing; and I know how I am doing everything consciously. Today, I feel powerful, knowing that yesterday was just the day that had to be! 

It takes courage - but do it, face your mistakes, and make a sincere effort to acknowledge them. I know I will strive hard to not repeat all that again. 

"How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before beginning to improve the world." | Anne Frank

I read this as I procrastinated yet another personal project. How simple, how true! What am I waiting for? 

I am going try and ask mysel this question today. Every time; before I push something aside.

A little magical spot

I walk through a bunch of malls and food courts before I get to work everyday. It's a 10 minute walk that is my own sweet time just before getting ready to work. 

Now a part of this walk is through a glass dome that let's the outside environment transcend indoors only in the form of light. Otherwise working behind closed doors and windows this is usually my last sneak to the outside till later in the night. 

Today as I walked through this part I realized how it had the potential to be something amazing! It was raining outside and a usually bright day was replaced by dulled outsides. The bustling Sunday crowd only helped the mood, making it feel like a happy place. And I found myself saying 'what a magical day!' 

A kids perspective

It's been a commute high these past few weeks. Be it at home, in chennai where I was going across towns visiting grandparents, temples, and favorite restaurants or now back in Singapore with parents around. 

As a result there is the favourite task of noticing what fellow commuters are upto. Last evening I was on a pretty empty bus. Just as I got in and tapped I noticed a very friendly looking guy. He was obviously special. He waved frantically as people entered the bus all in return for an array of weird stares; obviously judgmental stares. 

I looked at him but could not help breaking into a smile. I was no different by the way. My smile was half guilty for not mimicking my fellow travelers in disapproving of his seemingly innocent happiness, and only half happy in seeing him.

I walked across him and into the back of the bus, lost in thoughts of my own inspired by the warm music playing in my ears. And every subsequent commuter had only judging glares. We were all united in our censure. Nothing was out of place. 

There was a kid next to me with his grandfather, and it looked like he was being picked up from school. The poor darling was tired and tried hard to keep his head from bobbing away in sleep. As if his efforts weren't enough, the grandfather would whack him on his thigh if he dozed a breath. 

A little while later the kids stop arrived and the couple got off their seats to walk to the door. The kid was just getting to terms with beating his sleep till he gets home. Like a drunk man, his legs gave way as he came dancing to stand still. He then looked around and remembered the special young man. He walked up to the man and waved, spelling 'bye'. They continued to wave to each other till the boys stop arrived.

I sat there putting my head down in embarrassment. What is it that makes us guilty of people living in their own will. When exactly do we stop being that kid and turn into heartless monsters. In fact isn't it our duty as responsible humans to show more compassion to that young man to make him feel included? Especially when he makes the first move.