Actions vs. Consequences

(Source)

This HBR article struck a chord. And also because I have been preparing for an ethics module these past few days, I get multiple opportunities to see actions and consequences in different light.

How many times do we think only about our actions and not about our consequences? The HBR article tackles just one focused case of actions vs. consequences - 'How do say sorry keeping in mind that the person was affected by the consequences of your action, and not the action itself?'.

Think about how this simple theory can be spread far and across! What are the consequences of watching YouTube videos or chatting on Facebook more than a limit? What are the consequences of taking a relationship for granted? What are the consequences of being unaccountable? What are the consequences of procrastinating?

This concept comes back to understanding the problem from the other perspective. "Don't judge a man till you have walked two moons in his moccasins".

Today's learning is to think outsider your view point and become more accountable!

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Update:

So I did it! I made someone angry yesterday and I apologized today after thinking through the problem from his point of view as well. I told him how I understood his perspective and how I feel his emotions. I explained why the consequences of his actions angered me, and how I understand the consequences of my actions. Luckily for me, he took it well and we spoke. It all ended on a good note.

And boy, I feel SO good. I know he does too! This has been a good day.  

Last class as an undergraduate

Minutes ago, I walked out of my last ever class as an undergraduate. I have dreamt of this moment over and over again these past few years. The moment when it would actually come to an end. I have thought about my exact feelings, what I would wear, what I would think, what I would say, and to whom.

And never in all those mid-day dreams, did I feel the feeling in my tummy right now. The painful, shallow, wide, and weird feeling in my tummy could be called anxiety; about the future and about what's really in store; about my dreams and aspirations; about change and progression. It feels like how it would when you pack your last box and walk out of your house - because you grew out of this one and it is time to move on. It feels like saying good bye to a loved one - one who, you wont be seeing for quite some time. It feels like knowing the street vendor who sells coconuts, shouting across my colony in Chennai, India, has walked his cart across my street and into the next one - one which is a point of no return in his everyday coconut round.

This event, today, marks the beginning of an end. There are many more lined up for the coming days. I would finish my uni, technically one month from today. I would move out of my dorm room, in two weeks from then. I would walk around the campus for the last few times in the coming days. I would buy pathetic yet heartwarming anjappar food from the lovely Annas, who are full of man-vaasam to remind me of home and hospitality, for the last few times. I would probably also feel the naive unassuming attachment to an educational community for the last time.

If my grandmother were to describe the change in me, before and after college, she'd probably use the word - 'shocking'. Yes, that would precisely be the phrase she'd use. Well, I mean ideally, ofcourse - if she knew my entire story before college, my entire story through college, and my entire story after college. I take a look at myself, at the woman in the mirror. And there stares the 17 year old girl from across the beyond. The girl that is no more. I look at her and at myself - one scan from head to toe. A chickenfeatherlike-more-updated hair style from a healthy-traditional-braided one; a head that has churned through knowledge, emotions, and experiences nothing ever that the naive mind was capable of imagining; eyes, that are older and hopefully wiser than the innocent ones in the mirror; the recent development of a willfully pierced nose that carries the stamp of home; a tiny paunch that came from.. well, I don't want to talk about that, moving on..a tiny paunch that adorns my midriff now from the flat belly of a teenager; legs that have walked on a little more than the Madras lands.

Ugh, growing up. The more and more I think about it, it's about the moments you collect. These 4 years have zipped past, changed me, introduced me to people, and taken me to places I didn't even dream of. Another 4, another 10, and if I am blessed another 20 will pass. I am sure I will recollect all those years at every landmark, and reminisce in the glory.

(I am guessing more nostalgic pellets are on the way, seeing the plan me and my friends are making for the last few days of "a phase")

Givers, Takers, and Matchers

It was yet another dose of Maria Popova's lovely weekly pickings. This week what stood out, was her understanding of Adam Grant's Give And Take. My amalgamated understanding of the same is the crux of this blog post.

Part - I

Takers: They take more than they give. They believe that the world is purely competitive, and they strive to beat everyone else in the race. They look out for themselves and put them selves ahead of anyone else. A taker strategically helps people - when he/she knows what's the use in return.

Givers: They give more than they take. Or so they make it seem. Their approach at workplace is more towards giving up their personal space and time to come forward and help others. A giver is more bent on sharing their time, knowledge, skills, and resources, at the risk of losing their leverage.

Matchers: And there's always the guys who are in between. They strike a balance between both the scales. They believe in tit for tat and reciprocity of favours.

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What's my first thought post this bit of insight? I cringed at knowing I was a giver - in relationships, in work, in sharing. I felt mortified that it would put me at a disadvantage. My mind ran a quick reel of my experiences and I saw myself giving more than I needed to. Though, I strike a bit of balance by not being so explicit about it.

Part - II

Givers across professions were found to be less successful. Of course?! What does one imagine when you give at the opportunity cost of your leverage?

Turns out though, that givers are worst AND top performers. The takers and matchers make the safe middle belt. Givers can be as ambitious as the other two. It's their way of reaching out to their social circles, that makes them more of a favourite (or not). When a taker wins, there's usually someone who loses. But when a giver wins, there are people rooting for them.

All three do win, of course. It's just that when the giver wins, there seems to be a ripple effect around them. They create value, differently.

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Part - II was certainly a good consoling find. Giving does not mean losing. Taking does not mean cunning. The takeaway is that - one can use one's persona or natural tendency to one's success in anyway possible. It is all up to you to figure your game out.

I am excited to read this book and gain more insights! 

Mind wandering causes unhappiness?

I have been under an extreme time crunch these past few days - all in an concerted effort to produce a good thesis. My productivity has been higher than typical days, driven by my deadlines. And the pressure to perform these past 1-2 weeks, has kept me very aware of my mindfulness. 

I was able to catch myself drifting away from the work and thinking of unimportant, irrelevant thoughts. And like Killingsworth says above, more often unpleasant than pleasant things. This was a heavily detrimental cycle, as I would bring myself back to my work and make myself focus on what was important. 

I wasted a lot of time doing this, in spite of having good productivity levels, overall. I recollect how mom always asked me to focus only on what I do. A time when she used to observe this a lot was during meal times. I used to check my phone, talk on it, watch television, read a book, or even clean my room as I had meals. 

Afterall, 'Zen is doing one thing at a time'. The goal for the next ten days, is to observe my focus levels, continue to work on meditation, and to see if I am improving. I have also signed up on trackyourhappiness.org

I'll report back in ten days!