What A year!
2011 was eventful in many ways. I went through major changes with people, places and life. Some have walked in with a lot of smiles. Some have walked out with memories. Some places took new meanings. Some others remain, retaining their magic. New lessons everyday. New thoughts, new emotions. Its been a wonderful ride so far.
Everyday I feel thankful for what I have, thankful for whose relationships I have been blessed with, thankful for the sun, thankful for the moon, thankful for the sky, thankful for the trees, thankful for the food, thankful for the joy. Thankful for everything so far. Thankful for everything that dint happen so far. It is best the way it is!
This year, I hope to learn more, to grow, to forge new ties, to make a change, to be.
By the end of 2012,
I would have attained the aatma of my civil engineering degree! (my own definition of it)
I would have completed 10 paintings!
I would have played a decent amount of tennis!
I would have said thankyou everyday!
I would have smiled more!
I would have let go more!
I will recollect all this and more on the 31st of next Dec :)
To love, laughter and life
To a wonderful year
Saturday, 31 December 2011
Wednesday, 21 December 2011
Stripped Walls
Its a countdown to get home. 5 more days to inexhaustible unlimited supply of hugs and love.
I decided I would pack slowly without straining myself in one day as is practice. I started off with stripping my walls down. I had written earlier here about my room and all the love I derive from it. I was going feed off the living sources of love putting the memories to a spell of break. Today it was time to put those memories into a folder for a newer and more hopeful semester.
Careful tugging of the tape that held the photos to the wall, making sure little pieces of plaster dint come off. Pinching blue tack and securing the notes carrying life lessons. A bend this way, a bend that way to straighten the photos. Plucking of board pins holding movie tickets at GV, boarding pass of first flight to uni, amma's love note, solution to rubik's cube and other romances of everyday life.
Stripping was done. I put them inside my folder and cleared the balls of tape and tack.
One look around the room and it hit me. These tiny pieces of paper were coping a multitude of things for me. They bestowed images on me and polished up everything that was missing.
The room looked eerie. Like a place that had no life. The walls alone had supplied life for the room.
And then again, its funny. How in instances like this we pin our hopes on inanimate things, and in some others even animate people wont do.
I decided I would pack slowly without straining myself in one day as is practice. I started off with stripping my walls down. I had written earlier here about my room and all the love I derive from it. I was going feed off the living sources of love putting the memories to a spell of break. Today it was time to put those memories into a folder for a newer and more hopeful semester.
Careful tugging of the tape that held the photos to the wall, making sure little pieces of plaster dint come off. Pinching blue tack and securing the notes carrying life lessons. A bend this way, a bend that way to straighten the photos. Plucking of board pins holding movie tickets at GV, boarding pass of first flight to uni, amma's love note, solution to rubik's cube and other romances of everyday life.
Stripping was done. I put them inside my folder and cleared the balls of tape and tack.
One look around the room and it hit me. These tiny pieces of paper were coping a multitude of things for me. They bestowed images on me and polished up everything that was missing.
The room looked eerie. Like a place that had no life. The walls alone had supplied life for the room.
And then again, its funny. How in instances like this we pin our hopes on inanimate things, and in some others even animate people wont do.
Labels:
home,
love,
realizations
Tuesday, 20 December 2011
The hippies
I am listening to The Dewarists.
They resemble the hippies to me. A bunch of talented professionals from various strata of the music world come together in Indian cities and create awesome mind blowing compositions. Its interesting how we can create beautiful things from disconnected worlds. A deep lesson if you ask me!
One of my favourite songs Maaya by Indian Ocean and Mohit Chauhan
They resemble the hippies to me. A bunch of talented professionals from various strata of the music world come together in Indian cities and create awesome mind blowing compositions. Its interesting how we can create beautiful things from disconnected worlds. A deep lesson if you ask me!
One of my favourite songs Maaya by Indian Ocean and Mohit Chauhan
Friday, 9 December 2011
Love
You only lose what you love - and you often love what you lose.
I read this on a friend's facebook. Very beautiful and very deep I thought. I am going to just speak for myself. I always seem to be running away from what I love. I probably took the old Tamil saying a tad too serious. 'Dushtanai kandaal dhoora vilaghu' (read 'When you see an enemy, stay away from him'). Enemy is analogical to a lot of things. Be it choosing my course, parents or boys.
So, how do you draw the line between loving and losing? I havnt figured out the answer, but I'll be sure to tell you when I do.
Saturday, 3 December 2011
Resume writing!
Its the half year mark of third year at uni. Time to stop fooling around and get serious about life after uni. People keep popping the 'What are you going to do when you graduate?' question. To add on to the fire, almost all my close friends are going to be interning next semester.
All this made really nervous about what I should do next! So, I decided to take the first step of the journey. Make a clean resume!
I knew I could count on one person for that! He is a close friend who triples up as a mentor and family. I sent him my resume & CV and asked him to review it for me. That was the beginning of a wonderful learning experience! Every time I sent him a version he'd send it back to me with improvements. The fact that it was scanned and remarked on with a pencil somehow hammered the suggestions deep into my head. We went through a week of 10-12 cycles of review and in the end came out my resume. Something I am immensely proud of now! I also took the help of some other friends who helped me get different points of view. The effort and thought processing we put in made oodles of difference to the document.
In all it was a really interesting ride, with a lot of awing about the importance of having a clean resume.
Some learnings to remember -
All this made really nervous about what I should do next! So, I decided to take the first step of the journey. Make a clean resume!
I knew I could count on one person for that! He is a close friend who triples up as a mentor and family. I sent him my resume & CV and asked him to review it for me. That was the beginning of a wonderful learning experience! Every time I sent him a version he'd send it back to me with improvements. The fact that it was scanned and remarked on with a pencil somehow hammered the suggestions deep into my head. We went through a week of 10-12 cycles of review and in the end came out my resume. Something I am immensely proud of now! I also took the help of some other friends who helped me get different points of view. The effort and thought processing we put in made oodles of difference to the document.
In all it was a really interesting ride, with a lot of awing about the importance of having a clean resume.
Some learnings to remember -
1) Patience - I learnt the importance of waiting for things to shape-up. I am a very distracted person. It takes great love for work and motivation to keep myself at it. I always hurry thing up in the end. This time though, I waited for it. I learnt to go along with it and realize the wonderful journey/outcome. Also, from my friend. He was extremely patient with me that one week! With all the corporate relationships he is used to, I thought it was really encouraging when he waited for me to learn. Very grateful for that!
2) While 'too many cooks spoil the broth', the master cook can always handle the broth taking all the suggestions of the other cooks - I have always been better at working by myself, doing my thing. This time though I worked with three other people! Initially I took every bit of advice and blindly changed things on the document. As the reviews increased though I learnt to negotiate. To decide which I wanted to change, which I dint. If I had done this all by myself, I know that it would have remained Dhanya_Resume_v1.pdf. This is actually my biggest learning I would say. I learnt the importance of discussion and team work, in a way.
3) To each his own - Just like every person has a unique fingerprint, every person has a unique view/opinion on things. I could see how each one of us noticed various aspects of the document. How we saw the words. What the words meant to us. This was a very deep learning. Having such varied opinion on things, I wonder how we even manage to run things in the world this way. I guess thats where compromise comes in.
4) Sweat on details - Every space, every comma, every dot, matters. An achievement may not seem big to me in relativity, while on the contrary it might be something big to someone else'e eyes. It is essential to analyze a detail from the hirer's point of view and to try judging their understanding.
5) Easy on the eye, faster to the head - Formatting anything and making it cohesive makes life so much better. Personally, I like to keep things ordered and clean. I realized its important to extend it to every inch of life!
Now I am all set for the next step. 'Looking' phase. Fingers crossed on this one to make it to where I want to go!
Labels:
civil,
realizations,
wants
Monday, 21 November 2011
Joy
Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good, things really are - Marianne Williamson
Monday, 7 November 2011
Funny thing - I
I had a VERY funny moment right now. Moments rather. I was in the shower. I tried to think of all questions on my mind that needed creative approach. I thought about things. Munched over ideas.
Somehow I landed at my parents anniversary. I was thinking about how they were going to celebrate their 25 years soon. Then I started counting from the marriage year to now. 23. Two more years to a grand party. Yay. Wait. that means I must be turning 21 soon. But I am not. I was turning 20 soon. At least thats what I thought.
What followed this exact thought was a frantic 5 minutes were I counted their anniversary over and over to check. Then counted my birthday another umpteen times.
The conclusion: I was 21. Yes, I was going to be 21 in another month. Somehow the world had conspired into making me thing I was going to be one year younger. Either I was being stupid or the entire world had been wrong. Well, the former couldn't be the case. I had counted SO MANY TIMES. I had to be right.
Me and a friend had been discussing our next 4-5 years of life and we had constantly referred to us being 20 now. How wrong we had been. To think of forwarding all those plans by one whole year. The conspiracy smelt of bad blood. The world could not have been so mean to us.
I freaked out some more (a lot more). Rushed out of the shower back to my room, to call some one. I pinged a close friend and he was busy. I dint know how to solve the crisis. Thankfully another close friend came online and I called her. I told her the whole story with all the jazz.
Well, guess what. It was 2011. Not 2012.
All the while, I had been keeping 2012 in my head for some weird reason and had counted everything up to it. Oh. Dear. God.
Save. Me.
PS: The past few days seem to be featuring a lot of comic episodes like this one. While I am losing my mind, why don't I record it along I thought. So this is Funny thing - I. Many more to come, I assure you.
Somehow I landed at my parents anniversary. I was thinking about how they were going to celebrate their 25 years soon. Then I started counting from the marriage year to now. 23. Two more years to a grand party. Yay. Wait. that means I must be turning 21 soon. But I am not. I was turning 20 soon. At least thats what I thought.
What followed this exact thought was a frantic 5 minutes were I counted their anniversary over and over to check. Then counted my birthday another umpteen times.
The conclusion: I was 21. Yes, I was going to be 21 in another month. Somehow the world had conspired into making me thing I was going to be one year younger. Either I was being stupid or the entire world had been wrong. Well, the former couldn't be the case. I had counted SO MANY TIMES. I had to be right.
Me and a friend had been discussing our next 4-5 years of life and we had constantly referred to us being 20 now. How wrong we had been. To think of forwarding all those plans by one whole year. The conspiracy smelt of bad blood. The world could not have been so mean to us.
I freaked out some more (a lot more). Rushed out of the shower back to my room, to call some one. I pinged a close friend and he was busy. I dint know how to solve the crisis. Thankfully another close friend came online and I called her. I told her the whole story with all the jazz.
Well, guess what. It was 2011. Not 2012.
All the while, I had been keeping 2012 in my head for some weird reason and had counted everything up to it. Oh. Dear. God.
Save. Me.
PS: The past few days seem to be featuring a lot of comic episodes like this one. While I am losing my mind, why don't I record it along I thought. So this is Funny thing - I. Many more to come, I assure you.
Conquer Yourself
It is better to conquer yourself than to
win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you,
not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell
- Buddha
Thankyou Nithya!
Labels:
quotes
Friday, 4 November 2011
Just skypeeeee
Ever wondered about
how you can change a kid's life? All it takes is a skype conversation! Talk to
these kids, tell them about your day, sing along, dance with them or even teach
them how to make tea. They just need a spark of inspiration to make it big!
Wednesday, 2 November 2011
#3 - Application Letter
Dhanya Balasubramanian
25, Prince George’s Park,
Residence 6,
Blk 30, #05-05 Room I,
Singapore 118424
HP: +65 905* ****
e-mail: dhanya91@gmail.com
Dear Sir/Madam,
I am writing to apply for the Entry-Level Consultant position. I am a final year undergraduate civil engineering student from the National University of Singapore.
My initial impression of Oliver Wyman was from your website that spoke of the firm’s excellent work in Management and Financial Services Consulting. However at the recruitment talk I saw much more - able, passionate and driven people who enjoyed their job and were glad to be talking about it to a bunch of curious undergraduates. That and their speech about the culture and importance of meritocracy showed me that my principles were a suitable fit for Oliver Wyman.
My internship at CDM Smith which gave me exposure to the fastpaced nature of consulting firms, got me interested in facilitating businesses to run smoothly. This will certainly help me in adapting to the culture of Oliver Wyman. Consulting requires strategizing and planning ahead when bringing an idea from conception to completion. I learnt how to do that when I led a team of 5 for an Infrastructure Design Project and won an ‘Outstanding Individual Award’ from the Faculty of Engineering, NUS for my performance. I was also the President of an NUS art club where I organized many successful student events. These experiences that have taught me to be a team player, a keen observer and listener, highlight my potential to be an apt candidate for a consultant position.
I interview leaders from various walks of life who have inspiring stories to tell and blog about it every fortnight. What started with interviewing friends and family, became interviews with Richard Stallman and Bijan Sabet. It has grown over a year now and makes me believe in the power of passion as an essential ingredient for success. My training as a civil engineer has helped me hone my analytical thinking which I believe is essential for a consulting position. It also makes me look at the big picture while simultaneously taking note of the details. My analytical abilities are further evident from the fact that I scored 100% in ‘A level’ mathematics and qualified for the nationals of the Informatics Olympiad, India.
I believe that I am a candidate who has a passion for creativity, an eye for detail and an interest for learning. I hope you will review my application to discover that I am suitable and pertinent for this position.
Looking forward to hearing from you,
Dhanya Balasubramanian
(Edited / 01 October 2012)
Sunday, 30 October 2011
Change
I am drinking Milo.
From 'EW-I-cant-even-dream-of-drinking-that' 2 years back to 'ooOO-I-love-milo' right now. Same reaction for Yakult also :P
A lot of my observations these few weeks seem to be about change. It is all around me. I was just talking to a close friend about friendship. She is in a tiff with her friend of 5-6 years. And now she is just perplexed at how people change over such small circumstances. Some for good, some for a while.
I am becoming aware of a ten million things that have changed in these two years. There is change about myself, about family, about friends and about the air. I seem to perceive everything in a new light every day. I am discovering new things about old issues. Accepting things I wouldn't have dreamt of accepting in the past.
'Things dont change, we change'
PS: I also noticed how most of my posts are open-ended. I have realized now it works for me most. When I come back to it, I seem to ponder more on the same subject!
Labels:
discoveries,
home,
realizations
Midnight wish
A midnight wish, I was dreaming up
Things in my head, cooking up
One of those sentient thoughts
before going to bed
I wished lots
For rain and wind, ahead
Only to wake up
To a horse's gallop
Swishing of the wind
Pitter patter of the rain on the glass
Clatter of the louvres
Roaring of the thunder
Here I am trying to rhyme
Well past my bedtime
Sitting in the shadow
Thinking again of my midnight wish
Sitting by the window
Thoughts that dint vanish, Thoughts that need polish
Things in my head, cooking up
One of those sentient thoughts
before going to bed
I wished lots
For rain and wind, ahead
Only to wake up
To a horse's gallop
Swishing of the wind
Pitter patter of the rain on the glass
Clatter of the louvres
Roaring of the thunder
Here I am trying to rhyme
Well past my bedtime
Sitting in the shadow
Thinking again of my midnight wish
Sitting by the window
Thoughts that dint vanish, Thoughts that need polish
Friday, 28 October 2011
Never regret anything..
..because at one point it was exactly what you wanted!
I love it. Whenever I think about choices I made and things I did, I tend to wonder if I should have done it. And especially when things go wrong after my choices I upset myself.
Not anymore. This has enlightened me enough. To make choices I 'want' to make. Everything else will fall into place. Or maybe not.
The upside is that I never have to wonder what 'could' have happened.
Will go to bed with a peaceful mind tonight! Clears up a lot of things :)
I love it. Whenever I think about choices I made and things I did, I tend to wonder if I should have done it. And especially when things go wrong after my choices I upset myself.
Not anymore. This has enlightened me enough. To make choices I 'want' to make. Everything else will fall into place. Or maybe not.
The upside is that I never have to wonder what 'could' have happened.
Will go to bed with a peaceful mind tonight! Clears up a lot of things :)
Tuesday, 25 October 2011
I am growing up
It was a huge realisation last night. A couple of dots in the past few days connected last night.
A Facebook friend of mine got married! Yes. She's as old as me, a schoolmate. And she's married! I was mind fucked (Pardon the language, but I dont think there is any other word to describe my state) for a few hours. I went on and on about it. I even called my mom up to share the news. I expected her to be appalled. Well, because I was. She laughed it off. And asked whats so surprising in that. I started gushing at her and asked her HOW in the world was it normal/ or even laughable. She said she got married when she was 20. In my opinion, that was 23 years back and that does NOT count. Anyway, she went on to reason that the girl probably finished her graduation and her parents also thought she should be married. That is not how things work for me. No WAY. Aren't you supposed to be working? Or if you dont want to work, travelling? Or I dont know, do something else. Surely not marrying! To top it all the guy looked very young (I am serious. When I say very I mean 'very') and they even went globetrotting for their honeymoon.
Couple of days back a friend was talking about her cousin getting married. Again, the protagonist of this story is aged 20. She also just decided to get married. Somehow, her being from another country justified the marriage for me. I did not know anything of their culture, tradition or societal norms. So maybe it was normal. We just moved on to lavish weddings and expensive gowns.
A friend of a friend was acting in some movie and I was looking up some details. It was a love story of sorts. But yet again the heroine is 20 :O
And yes thats when it hit me that I was growing up. I wasn't a school kid anymore. I wasn't small or tiny. I was a woman. Almost 20. And it is no surprise that girls my age were making huge life decisions by now. It wasn't about the culture. It was just about time for some people.
Yes. I have chosen to do other things at the same time. I want to get my undergraduate degree, a few years of work experience doing what I love, some money in my bank account and an independent single life before I get into all the family jazz. Thats just me. Some others have made other decisions. There was nothing appalling there. And I am telling myself (as mom put it) 'Dhanya It's quite normal'.
A Facebook friend of mine got married! Yes. She's as old as me, a schoolmate. And she's married! I was mind fucked (Pardon the language, but I dont think there is any other word to describe my state) for a few hours. I went on and on about it. I even called my mom up to share the news. I expected her to be appalled. Well, because I was. She laughed it off. And asked whats so surprising in that. I started gushing at her and asked her HOW in the world was it normal/ or even laughable. She said she got married when she was 20. In my opinion, that was 23 years back and that does NOT count. Anyway, she went on to reason that the girl probably finished her graduation and her parents also thought she should be married. That is not how things work for me. No WAY. Aren't you supposed to be working? Or if you dont want to work, travelling? Or I dont know, do something else. Surely not marrying! To top it all the guy looked very young (I am serious. When I say very I mean 'very') and they even went globetrotting for their honeymoon.Couple of days back a friend was talking about her cousin getting married. Again, the protagonist of this story is aged 20. She also just decided to get married. Somehow, her being from another country justified the marriage for me. I did not know anything of their culture, tradition or societal norms. So maybe it was normal. We just moved on to lavish weddings and expensive gowns.
A friend of a friend was acting in some movie and I was looking up some details. It was a love story of sorts. But yet again the heroine is 20 :O
And yes thats when it hit me that I was growing up. I wasn't a school kid anymore. I wasn't small or tiny. I was a woman. Almost 20. And it is no surprise that girls my age were making huge life decisions by now. It wasn't about the culture. It was just about time for some people.
Yes. I have chosen to do other things at the same time. I want to get my undergraduate degree, a few years of work experience doing what I love, some money in my bank account and an independent single life before I get into all the family jazz. Thats just me. Some others have made other decisions. There was nothing appalling there. And I am telling myself (as mom put it) 'Dhanya It's quite normal'.
Labels:
discoveries,
home,
love,
realizations
Thursday, 20 October 2011
The old man at the park
There is a hill behind one of the university accommodations. Atop the hill is a park. Quite small. Couple of benches, variety of greenery and an excellent view.
My mother was visiting me and a cousin took her to this park, while they were waiting for me to finish class. Firstly, she was at awe at the entire country(city?), it being her first time in Singapore. She wondered how they managed to keep everything so neat, ordered and pretty. She did ofcourse make remarks on the artificial-ness of the affair. She awed at the people and their sincerity in the little exchanges she handled.
They drove to the park in the evening. Around 4 o clock. It was quite empty. Except for just another vehicle. They did not even manage to find any people. While they were enjoying the view up there, my mother noticed a park cleaner. He was raking away, doing his job in singularity. Forget that it was a windy day and most of his work was recursive.
Saturday, 15 October 2011
I wonder how, I wonder why
I was at clementi mall a while back. I was having lunch with a friend at Burger King. To our right, there was a 70-something couple having their meal. The woman was in a wheel chair and the man was pushing her around. They were eating fries and were sharing a drink with two straws in it.
I haven't seen something so awe and so cute and oh-god in sooo long! It made me wonder if I'd want that if I was ever in a wheel chair. I do. I am guessing almost every other person would too.
And then again I saw this video on facebook. About an excellent singer on X factor. He was a handicapped Iranian by origin, adopted by an Australian Mother. His performance was moving for many reasons. What I noticed was however, the mother - Moira Kelly. She runs Children's First Foundation in Australia. To sum it up - she has changed the lives of many kids and continues to do so.
These two encounters got me thinking about my life and what I want (Yet another time! - I do so much thinking, sometimes I forget to live it :/) Anyway, I was just contemplating. Would I give up having a regular life with a regular family to change people's lives? Can I try and manage both?
I wonder.
I haven't seen something so awe and so cute and oh-god in sooo long! It made me wonder if I'd want that if I was ever in a wheel chair. I do. I am guessing almost every other person would too.
And then again I saw this video on facebook. About an excellent singer on X factor. He was a handicapped Iranian by origin, adopted by an Australian Mother. His performance was moving for many reasons. What I noticed was however, the mother - Moira Kelly. She runs Children's First Foundation in Australia. To sum it up - she has changed the lives of many kids and continues to do so.
These two encounters got me thinking about my life and what I want (Yet another time! - I do so much thinking, sometimes I forget to live it :/) Anyway, I was just contemplating. Would I give up having a regular life with a regular family to change people's lives? Can I try and manage both?
I wonder.
Friday, 14 October 2011
I want a yellow typewriter
I like the beatles.
Listening to them makes me realize how important it is to remember the sound of music, blue sky, green sea, little children who laugh, banker on a motorbike, strawberry fields, clinging wives, birds that flew, lonely people, girls named jude, the sun that comes, girls that have tickets to a ride, girls who love, and how we need eight days a week.
I was listening to yellow submarine a while back. And I think I know what I want for my birthday. A yellow typewriter. As yellow as the sun. I am sitting here typing on a black keyboard with hardly any colour or life. It would light up my life. By a far-away galaxy of stars. Right inside my room.
I want a yellow typewriter.
As yellow as mustard sauce.
As yellow as the little girl's frock.
As yellow as the sun.
Listening to them makes me realize how important it is to remember the sound of music, blue sky, green sea, little children who laugh, banker on a motorbike, strawberry fields, clinging wives, birds that flew, lonely people, girls named jude, the sun that comes, girls that have tickets to a ride, girls who love, and how we need eight days a week.
I was listening to yellow submarine a while back. And I think I know what I want for my birthday. A yellow typewriter. As yellow as the sun. I am sitting here typing on a black keyboard with hardly any colour or life. It would light up my life. By a far-away galaxy of stars. Right inside my room.
I want a yellow typewriter.
As yellow as mustard sauce.
As yellow as the little girl's frock.
As yellow as the sun.
Sunday, 9 October 2011
Why should I?
I have been noticing this habit among people around me. So whenever there is a lot of talking/discussion going on, there is always one or two people constantly saying 'Chill man'. I dont get it. Honestly I dont.
Why should I? What exactly is the motive of the person who says it? I havent figured this one out yet. Its putting off, really. If I want to be excited about something. I choose to be. Why would you try and shut me up? Occasionally my mom has also used it. I see it around a lot. A LOT.
Wouldn't it be much simpler if you choose to be delighted in the persons excitement. Or if it is bothering you so much, just ignore the person. Let them dwell in their own bubble. After all its a bubble, it ought to burst sometime.
I think it takes a bigger person to be able to do this.
Why should I? What exactly is the motive of the person who says it? I havent figured this one out yet. Its putting off, really. If I want to be excited about something. I choose to be. Why would you try and shut me up? Occasionally my mom has also used it. I see it around a lot. A LOT.
Wouldn't it be much simpler if you choose to be delighted in the persons excitement. Or if it is bothering you so much, just ignore the person. Let them dwell in their own bubble. After all its a bubble, it ought to burst sometime.
I think it takes a bigger person to be able to do this.
Labels:
guys,
questions,
rare-smarts,
realizations
Sunday, 2 October 2011
Procrastination can actually be good?!
Theory of Structured Procrastination!
So what you need to do is:
1. Make a list of tasks that you need to accomplish.
2. Arrange them from most important to least important.
3. Then, procrastinate doing something that is higher on the list by doing something lower on the list.
How simple! This way, we would do the least important thing, procrastinating the most important thing the whole time. Getting all the work done, yet being a procrastinator. I think it would fool the mind. Trying right away!
Interestingly, this is not the first time this concept came about: Robert Benchley used this principle in 1940, “The secret of my incredible energy and efficiency in getting work done is a simple one. I have based it very deliberately on a well-known psychological principle and have refined it so that it is now almost too refined. I shall have to begin coarsening it up again pretty soon. The psychological principle is this: anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn’t the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment." from “How to Get Things Done” (1940)
The source article is here!
Labels:
books,
questions,
realizations
Wednesday, 28 September 2011
Tuesday, 27 September 2011
Can you be THE happiest person in the world?
I took my project module, without thinking one iota about it. Its a technical Elective. Which in layman's terms means, a civil subject that we chose to study out of interest, not compulsory. And on the first day of the module, the professors talked about how they expect so much out of us, I even contemplated quitting. But 4 of my close friends were doing that module, so I just decided to stick along.
We had our first presentation. We were really creative, but we missed out on content. So even-though the profs commended our performance he said he was disappointed with the bad part. We were sad. I was especially sad. When you work hard and dont get results, its disheartening.
It was time for the second presentation. We had slogged for the past two three weeks, and more so for the past few days. Day of second presentation came. Today. We suited up and left for the venue. The group before ourselves were fretting out and making us anxious. We got nervous and started freaking out a bit. But as we were waiting we gained the confidence that this time we actually hit it. We got our content and creativity on the plate. Spot on. We had nothing to worry about. We cheered ourselves up and smiled. We encouraged each other and we entered the room.
It went smooth. They loved us! All the hard work paid. Our passion showed. They were amused and content. We could just see it on their face :) And God was I glad. We all were. I was so thrilled that you actually dint need grades for this kind of a thing. This was nearer to the real world situation. A place were we need to sell ourselves and show that we have the passion and the energy to do something. What made it very special was that, today I felt like I actually belonged in NUS. For the first time in two and a half years. That means something. I never thought i'll experience that. I really never did.
We made it!
Shaniya and Priyansha! We might not be particularly thrilled about Civil most times. But we know we'll make it girls!
Sid and TzyyFung! You guys can do studies and stuff like this with passion and I am so glad I met you!
I learnt so many things from today. Just to list down:
- Give it your best shot, it'll pay someway or other!
- You work best with people you get along. If you already dont know them, get to know them. In our case, we were a bunch always so it clicked just the right way!
- Marks dont matter so much. Relax and enjoy studying. Maybe you'll actually endup liking it!
- Hardwork with passion! Always.
- First impression is the best impression. Maybe not always. But make sure you hit it the first time anyway!
To many days like this. Filled with positive energy :)
We had our first presentation. We were really creative, but we missed out on content. So even-though the profs commended our performance he said he was disappointed with the bad part. We were sad. I was especially sad. When you work hard and dont get results, its disheartening.
It was time for the second presentation. We had slogged for the past two three weeks, and more so for the past few days. Day of second presentation came. Today. We suited up and left for the venue. The group before ourselves were fretting out and making us anxious. We got nervous and started freaking out a bit. But as we were waiting we gained the confidence that this time we actually hit it. We got our content and creativity on the plate. Spot on. We had nothing to worry about. We cheered ourselves up and smiled. We encouraged each other and we entered the room.
It went smooth. They loved us! All the hard work paid. Our passion showed. They were amused and content. We could just see it on their face :) And God was I glad. We all were. I was so thrilled that you actually dint need grades for this kind of a thing. This was nearer to the real world situation. A place were we need to sell ourselves and show that we have the passion and the energy to do something. What made it very special was that, today I felt like I actually belonged in NUS. For the first time in two and a half years. That means something. I never thought i'll experience that. I really never did.
We made it!
Shaniya and Priyansha! We might not be particularly thrilled about Civil most times. But we know we'll make it girls!
Sid and TzyyFung! You guys can do studies and stuff like this with passion and I am so glad I met you!
I learnt so many things from today. Just to list down:
- Give it your best shot, it'll pay someway or other!
- You work best with people you get along. If you already dont know them, get to know them. In our case, we were a bunch always so it clicked just the right way!
- Marks dont matter so much. Relax and enjoy studying. Maybe you'll actually endup liking it!
- Hardwork with passion! Always.
- First impression is the best impression. Maybe not always. But make sure you hit it the first time anyway!
To many days like this. Filled with positive energy :)
Sunday, 25 September 2011
Its really about sticking with it all the way!
I have a really dabba(sad-outdated-gone) phone. And it has just one game. Quadrapop. Cats/Fishes/Crabs/Monkey/Frogs come flying from top and you need to get four of them together for them to pop. And thats about it. The highest score was by Pigs(brother) around 60k. And the maximum I got to was always 20k.
Its my favourite past time when I am on the bus or in the loo. Popping those animated things away. However, everytime I was playing I wanted to get past 20k. I always wondered how Pigs got to 60k. He was always better at games than me. But this seemed waaay pro even for him - a difference of 40k. This piece of fact was always stuck in my head when I played he game.
Today though, somehow I never once bothered to look at the score. I just kept playing, concentration completely on the game and when I looked up at the scores - VIOLA! 58k. The joyy. I worked a little bit more and neared 60k and lost the game. A little short of beating his score. Suddenly, I was pro at the game too!
Though I did not entirely win, I take the learning back. Maybe I shouldn't be so bothered about the result all the time. The process matters. Enjoy it and guess what, when you are doing your things right you'll eventually get there. For sure!
Its my favourite past time when I am on the bus or in the loo. Popping those animated things away. However, everytime I was playing I wanted to get past 20k. I always wondered how Pigs got to 60k. He was always better at games than me. But this seemed waaay pro even for him - a difference of 40k. This piece of fact was always stuck in my head when I played he game.
Today though, somehow I never once bothered to look at the score. I just kept playing, concentration completely on the game and when I looked up at the scores - VIOLA! 58k. The joyy. I worked a little bit more and neared 60k and lost the game. A little short of beating his score. Suddenly, I was pro at the game too!
Though I did not entirely win, I take the learning back. Maybe I shouldn't be so bothered about the result all the time. The process matters. Enjoy it and guess what, when you are doing your things right you'll eventually get there. For sure!
Labels:
brother,
happy,
realizations
Friday, 23 September 2011
Leadership is conviction in action!
What a insightful way to put it.
I was at a leadership camp in a rain forest in Malaysia. We went through three days of intensive adventure activities and workshops, everything tied down to leadership. It was a very eye-opening experience. Its wonderful how little things that affect a small game can teach you so much about how to handle real-time situations. One of the activities was around a wooden plank built like a see-saw. So 15 people climb on top of it and try to balance the plank. We tried for 20 minutes moving from left to right and right to left. And somewhere after a hundred tries we balanced the plank for 5 seconds before we went to square one. It was all about how you work with each other and understand the situation. Its all about how you make use of the team members. Its all about how you satisfy each team members goal while satisfying the teams goal. Its about how you encourage people. Its about how you inspire them. Its about being true to yourself and to your commitment.
And like Prof.Tan Teck Koon put it, Its about conviction in action.
I was at a leadership camp in a rain forest in Malaysia. We went through three days of intensive adventure activities and workshops, everything tied down to leadership. It was a very eye-opening experience. Its wonderful how little things that affect a small game can teach you so much about how to handle real-time situations. One of the activities was around a wooden plank built like a see-saw. So 15 people climb on top of it and try to balance the plank. We tried for 20 minutes moving from left to right and right to left. And somewhere after a hundred tries we balanced the plank for 5 seconds before we went to square one. It was all about how you work with each other and understand the situation. Its all about how you make use of the team members. Its all about how you satisfy each team members goal while satisfying the teams goal. Its about how you encourage people. Its about how you inspire them. Its about being true to yourself and to your commitment.
And like Prof.Tan Teck Koon put it, Its about conviction in action.
Labels:
commitments,
happy,
quotes
Saturday, 17 September 2011
Arguments
I argue.
A lot.
I just cant bear it when someone says something unreasonable.
However, following a resolution last year, I have reduced my arguments. By a TON. My close friends even noticed this change! (YAY)
I had accounts tutorial earlier today. My tutor is a pretty entertaining guy. He is a CEO, yet here only on friday evenings to try and impart his knowledge of accounting. Today he said something that made me think.
He was talking about Bank Reconciliation. And in trying to explain why we need to match the bank balance with the record balance, he said 'When one person says one thing, and another person says another thing. One of them is wrong. Except in bank reconciliation. Both are right, even though they show different amounts. This is because both are exposed to different information.'
Isn't this the reason for argument ALWAYS? I know 'x' things about something and he knows 'y' things about the same thing. When we both get talking, we are surely going in the direction of an argument if 'x' and 'y' are opposites. No one is right. No one is wrong. We both just know different things.
The peace my mind felt when it all became clear. Ah.
A lot.
I just cant bear it when someone says something unreasonable.
However, following a resolution last year, I have reduced my arguments. By a TON. My close friends even noticed this change! (YAY)
I had accounts tutorial earlier today. My tutor is a pretty entertaining guy. He is a CEO, yet here only on friday evenings to try and impart his knowledge of accounting. Today he said something that made me think.
He was talking about Bank Reconciliation. And in trying to explain why we need to match the bank balance with the record balance, he said 'When one person says one thing, and another person says another thing. One of them is wrong. Except in bank reconciliation. Both are right, even though they show different amounts. This is because both are exposed to different information.'
The peace my mind felt when it all became clear. Ah.
Labels:
rare-smarts,
realizations
Tuesday, 13 September 2011
Pledge
I am taking a pledge today. A pledge following my earlier post. Right now it is the only thing I can think of. I am going to try and create my own butterfly wave. For a positive world. For a world with happiness. A world with love.
I am going to smile whenever I can. At strangers. At fellow lift-riders. At aunties and uncles who clear my plate at engin canteen. At people on the street. Smile and be pleasant. Maybe I'll make someones day. Maybe I wont. Maybe I'll look like a doofus.
I am going to smile whenever I can. At strangers. At fellow lift-riders. At aunties and uncles who clear my plate at engin canteen. At people on the street. Smile and be pleasant. Maybe I'll make someones day. Maybe I wont. Maybe I'll look like a doofus.
Labels:
commitments,
love
Why?
I came across Indu Antony's work today. About destitute women and the mentally ill in a home in Bangalore. Heart wrenching.
Why is the world so cruel to people who are not capable? Does the 'survival of the fittest' theory have to be so harsh? Can not a not-so-fit person make it out in this world? What describes 'fittest'? What is the point of life? Most importantly, what can 'I' do to change this?
I have many questions. And not a semblance of answer.
Like Kanta, all I can ask and keep thinking is 'Why'.
Why is the world so cruel to people who are not capable? Does the 'survival of the fittest' theory have to be so harsh? Can not a not-so-fit person make it out in this world? What describes 'fittest'? What is the point of life? Most importantly, what can 'I' do to change this?
I have many questions. And not a semblance of answer.
Like Kanta, all I can ask and keep thinking is 'Why'.
Labels:
questions,
realizations,
women
Monday, 12 September 2011
Conversations
“The most important thing in all human relationships is conversation, but people don’t talk anymore, they don’t sit down to talk and listen. They go to the theatre, the cinema, watch television, listen to the radio, read books, but they almost never talk. If we want to change the world, we have to go back to a time when warriors would gather around a fire and tell stories.”
-Paulo Coelho
How true! I love conversations. Like in 'Before Sunrise'. People can explore so much about each other and about the world. I keep trying to get my close friends here in uni to do this, in vain. Sadly, no one shares my excitement about this idea. Though I have had quite a number of stimulating conversations once in a while. About God, plants, animals, future, chocolates, peace, religion, India, even doodie.
PS: If any of you who is reading this post feel like having 'A' conversation, feel free to buzz me! Always around :)
Labels:
quotes,
realizations
Closeness
I am watching an 18th century drama and heard this,
'If you were close, the closeness never dies'
I wonder if this is true. I am yet to disprove this line. Thank goodness for that. Still, just a thought. I hope it is true.
'If you were close, the closeness never dies'
I wonder if this is true. I am yet to disprove this line. Thank goodness for that. Still, just a thought. I hope it is true.
Labels:
quotes,
realizations
Friday, 9 September 2011
The difference between how a person treats the powerless versus the powerful is as good a measure of human character as I know
- Robert I Sutton
- Robert I Sutton
Labels:
quotes
Tuesday, 6 September 2011
Good but not good enough
I had a presentation today. We are doing an infrastructure project on a hospital. We came up with a creative one. We were quite sure of ourselves.
Presentation happened.
Prof claps.
Walks up to the podium. Says we were very bold and very creative. He liked our approach most out of the 8 groups that presented today.
Smiles for a bit.
BUT.
Thats not what we want.
What do you do when someone tells/implies that you were good, but not good enough. It made me feel inadequate and incompetent. Been facing this particular implication repetitively these past few months.
Is it just me? I wonder.
Presentation happened.
Prof claps.
Walks up to the podium. Says we were very bold and very creative. He liked our approach most out of the 8 groups that presented today.
Smiles for a bit.
BUT.
Thats not what we want.
What do you do when someone tells/implies that you were good, but not good enough. It made me feel inadequate and incompetent. Been facing this particular implication repetitively these past few months.
Is it just me? I wonder.
Labels:
realizations
Monday, 5 September 2011
Infinite possibilities
I was walking to the bus stop from my room, when I notice some posters stuck improperly. There was a bend in the poster and it was not stuck parallel to the wall. I got annoyed at the fact that the person was so careless in sticking the poster. I corrected a couple of them.
However, when I was coming back I realised it was MEANT to be stuck that way. They were dance class posters and it was a nice way to attract attention (obviously!). I laughed at my silliness. And thats when I realised there are a million ways to get to a place. Who ever said posters have to be flat?
However, when I was coming back I realised it was MEANT to be stuck that way. They were dance class posters and it was a nice way to attract attention (obviously!). I laughed at my silliness. And thats when I realised there are a million ways to get to a place. Who ever said posters have to be flat?
Labels:
rare-smarts,
realizations
Sunday, 4 September 2011
Forgiveness
'Forgiving does not make the person who hurt you feel better, it makes you feel better'
I think this is the only thing I liked about Chetan Bhagat's 2 states. Of course I also made a mental note to think ten million times before I decide to marry a Punjabi boy.
Theres been something on my mind lately. I had a situation with this person. Person X. (I like calling people X, makes me feel like I am crossing them out and marking the target straight on their heart!) So yes X. Lets just say something went wrong, misunderstandings and the like happened and I ended up getting hurt. I felt bad for sometime and then I spoke about it to people, helped myself feel better. Told myself that, that was the end of it and I would worry no more.
Naturally, the episode wouldn't just go away. However, I realised something today, just now. I realised that the episode would indeed go away if I forgave X. I told myself that X did so and so things only because it was justifiable to X. From X's shoes it all probably seems right. So what do I do now. Forgive X. And guess what, I feel good. I feel absolutely relieved. A simple solution to a potentially complex issue.
PS: I think I am becoming Buddha, tch tsk
I think this is the only thing I liked about Chetan Bhagat's 2 states. Of course I also made a mental note to think ten million times before I decide to marry a Punjabi boy.
Theres been something on my mind lately. I had a situation with this person. Person X. (I like calling people X, makes me feel like I am crossing them out and marking the target straight on their heart!) So yes X. Lets just say something went wrong, misunderstandings and the like happened and I ended up getting hurt. I felt bad for sometime and then I spoke about it to people, helped myself feel better. Told myself that, that was the end of it and I would worry no more.
Naturally, the episode wouldn't just go away. However, I realised something today, just now. I realised that the episode would indeed go away if I forgave X. I told myself that X did so and so things only because it was justifiable to X. From X's shoes it all probably seems right. So what do I do now. Forgive X. And guess what, I feel good. I feel absolutely relieved. A simple solution to a potentially complex issue.
PS: I think I am becoming Buddha, tch tsk
Labels:
discoveries,
realizations
Friday, 2 September 2011
Room with a love
I entered my room just now. My bed was neatly done. The cluttered and clutter-free zones on my table look organised in its own way. My shelves are pretty neat too. After a weird night, and some thinking, it is relaxing to see my room. The relaxing room freshener. Things which I wrote to inspire myself. Tamil/Sanskrit prayers in english (fail). Even though I miss the PGP room's coziness, I must say the blinds in Temasek are actually creating a wonderful depth to the room. Looking at the ridiculous picture Pigs framed for me makes me smile and miss him, yet thankful. The candle reminds me of power-cuts at home and how he would want to pee at that exact same instant. I looked at all the people on my wall, people who have meant something, people who mean something, and will for quite a while, people who will always be there, people who make my day, people who make me laugh, people I love. They look down upon my clean room and asked me to smile. There is something in the space that holds some love and feeds my heart every now and then.
I derive my energy from my environment. Thats why I love walking down a green lane. And thats why I am glad my room makes me happy.
Tuesday, 30 August 2011
Monday, 29 August 2011
Apologising
Does not always mean you are wrong and the other person is right
It just means you value your relationship more than your ego
It just means you value your relationship more than your ego
Labels:
quotes
Monday, 15 August 2011
Taste of a different world from a different view
It was a wonderful week in terms of the couple of experiences I chanced upon.
Mom and I went to T.nagar to pick up a couple of things we needed. I was looking for chunky traditional earrings. I was scanning the platform shops as we were walking past. This one guy had a very pretty pair of earrings and as I was getting ready to show-off my bargaining skills I noticed this kutti(small) kid standing by the side of the store. The store guy asked him to take put mom’s million-specifications carrying pottu from the sides. He jumped up trying to reach the shelf. So I moved forward o help him. Some thing came upon me to talk to this kid while mom bought some more things. His name was Xavier and he went to a nearby school. 7th grade. The store guy was his mama and he used to accompany him in the evenings when he was bored. It was a very tiny bit of my day, those few seconds of conversation. Nevertheless was heart-warming to know him. I left asking him to do well in studies. It went back to my thoughts on how it would be to read minds, to talk to every person I see, to know what goes on in their minds, to know who they really are. Oh and btw, the store guy was impressed with my little rendezvous and gave us impossibly cool prices. Haha.
I was waiting for dad to pick me up from the office campus. There is an auto stand right there and I was standing next to one of the autos. This auto driver walks up to me from behind and suddenly says ‘amma’. I had taken an auto from this stand once before and he charged me SUCH a humongous price that I naturally took a hatred to the guys at the stand. All my protective, survival, just-scared-like-shit, call-it-whatever-you-want instincts came alive and I replied in a rude, trying-to-hide-that-I-am-guarded tone ‘enna, enna, venum’ (What, what do you want?). HE replies in a kind tone. ‘B.A economics nalla padippa maa?’ (Is B.A Economics a good course?) I however overlooked the tone of this question and my instincts gained strength as my crooked mind told me that he was trying to distract me while some other guy would now come and snatch my abg. So I held my bag closer to body and said ‘Yen, nalla padipu thaan. Ethuku kekaringa’ (Yes, It’s a good course, why do you want to know?). He stared off saying how his daughter has just completed her class twelve and that she scored 55% in her exams. Around this time I dropped all guard and got interested. He belonged to SC category. One of the numerous footprints of India’s ridiculous caste system. A child from the Scheduled Castes category is treated like she doesn’t deserve education. The varied sensibilities of the society fail to see that she has scored that mark without the support of her illiterate parents and the luxury of long hours of practice a regular child get. All right, I can go off track very easily. Coming back to the auto driver. He wanted to educate his girl and a college professor advised him to enrol her in a B.A economics course. Seeing me, he wanted to know what I thought about the idea. And I spoke normally. I asked him what she was interested in studying and told him that he should indeed provide her with education. He wants her to earn enough to be independent. It was nice to see how some people were thinking ahead of their peers and not just stopping the girl child’s education after high school. I prayed she fulfils her father’s dream and her own for all good.
It was the one day before I left for Uni. I chanced upon this NGO, which works with poor kids and enhances their education by providing additional tuitions. They teach art, math, songs and other basic enrichments. I went to meet this bunch of kids in Besant Nagar. Sad old government building from the outside. Exciting with colours and patterns on the inside. Much like the kids themselves. Oh my and were they pretty. There were about 20 of them. All were between the age group of 4 – 11. They greeted me with all the warmth. I had planned a little origami session with them. They huddled in circles around and overwhelmed me with their chants of ‘akka akka akka’. They learnt what I taught them with such passion. A couple were quick in the head and even became my teaching assistants. One or two even knew how to work their way around a laptop. That day, I spotted so much potential in that room. It was an eye-opening evening.
Little one-minute things that made me think. The world can be a better place with more opportunities reaching the less privileged. God gives equal capacity to all man. It’s the process he goes through that makes one a grace and another a disgrace to the society. One day, I wish to provide all the opportunity I can afford to kids like these. That’s enough to help India.
Mom and I went to T.nagar to pick up a couple of things we needed. I was looking for chunky traditional earrings. I was scanning the platform shops as we were walking past. This one guy had a very pretty pair of earrings and as I was getting ready to show-off my bargaining skills I noticed this kutti(small) kid standing by the side of the store. The store guy asked him to take put mom’s million-specifications carrying pottu from the sides. He jumped up trying to reach the shelf. So I moved forward o help him. Some thing came upon me to talk to this kid while mom bought some more things. His name was Xavier and he went to a nearby school. 7th grade. The store guy was his mama and he used to accompany him in the evenings when he was bored. It was a very tiny bit of my day, those few seconds of conversation. Nevertheless was heart-warming to know him. I left asking him to do well in studies. It went back to my thoughts on how it would be to read minds, to talk to every person I see, to know what goes on in their minds, to know who they really are. Oh and btw, the store guy was impressed with my little rendezvous and gave us impossibly cool prices. Haha.
I was waiting for dad to pick me up from the office campus. There is an auto stand right there and I was standing next to one of the autos. This auto driver walks up to me from behind and suddenly says ‘amma’. I had taken an auto from this stand once before and he charged me SUCH a humongous price that I naturally took a hatred to the guys at the stand. All my protective, survival, just-scared-like-shit, call-it-whatever-you-want instincts came alive and I replied in a rude, trying-to-hide-that-I-am-guarded tone ‘enna, enna, venum’ (What, what do you want?). HE replies in a kind tone. ‘B.A economics nalla padippa maa?’ (Is B.A Economics a good course?) I however overlooked the tone of this question and my instincts gained strength as my crooked mind told me that he was trying to distract me while some other guy would now come and snatch my abg. So I held my bag closer to body and said ‘Yen, nalla padipu thaan. Ethuku kekaringa’ (Yes, It’s a good course, why do you want to know?). He stared off saying how his daughter has just completed her class twelve and that she scored 55% in her exams. Around this time I dropped all guard and got interested. He belonged to SC category. One of the numerous footprints of India’s ridiculous caste system. A child from the Scheduled Castes category is treated like she doesn’t deserve education. The varied sensibilities of the society fail to see that she has scored that mark without the support of her illiterate parents and the luxury of long hours of practice a regular child get. All right, I can go off track very easily. Coming back to the auto driver. He wanted to educate his girl and a college professor advised him to enrol her in a B.A economics course. Seeing me, he wanted to know what I thought about the idea. And I spoke normally. I asked him what she was interested in studying and told him that he should indeed provide her with education. He wants her to earn enough to be independent. It was nice to see how some people were thinking ahead of their peers and not just stopping the girl child’s education after high school. I prayed she fulfils her father’s dream and her own for all good.
It was the one day before I left for Uni. I chanced upon this NGO, which works with poor kids and enhances their education by providing additional tuitions. They teach art, math, songs and other basic enrichments. I went to meet this bunch of kids in Besant Nagar. Sad old government building from the outside. Exciting with colours and patterns on the inside. Much like the kids themselves. Oh my and were they pretty. There were about 20 of them. All were between the age group of 4 – 11. They greeted me with all the warmth. I had planned a little origami session with them. They huddled in circles around and overwhelmed me with their chants of ‘akka akka akka’. They learnt what I taught them with such passion. A couple were quick in the head and even became my teaching assistants. One or two even knew how to work their way around a laptop. That day, I spotted so much potential in that room. It was an eye-opening evening.
Little one-minute things that made me think. The world can be a better place with more opportunities reaching the less privileged. God gives equal capacity to all man. It’s the process he goes through that makes one a grace and another a disgrace to the society. One day, I wish to provide all the opportunity I can afford to kids like these. That’s enough to help India.
Labels:
discoveries,
India,
realizations
Saturday, 13 August 2011
AARAK SHUN
An article from Times of India
A knock on the door always makes Amit nervous. If it is daytime, he quickly moves the book rack so that it hides the framed photo of B R Ambedkar, dressed in a dark suit and looking at some distant horizon. If it's night, Amit lies still in bed, staring at the fan. As the banging goes on, he slips in and out of sleep. In his dreams he often sees a boy putting a noose around his neck. Sometimes he sees the boy hanging from a rope that's furiously twisting by itself. Then there is dead silence. He can't go back to sleep.
Amit, a student of IIT-Kanpur, is not suicidal. He has been to a shrink, though, and says he lives in some kind of dread. For two years, life on the campus was beautiful - at least until the day his classmates found out his caste, a fact he had masked with a caste-neutral surname. The Ambedkar photo had already made some "friends" suspicious, and when a clerk in the scholarship section "exposed" his caste, Amit's world changed. He lost his place on the dining table. The batchmates became hostile: jibes in the classroom or an accidental jab in the ribcage every now and then became a common occurrence. And the midnight knocks started. "They don't want me to study. People may think it's a seat of high learning but for me it's living hell," says Amit, who has a brilliant academic record. "People here don't believe in merit. They will push you if you perform better than them," adds the final-year student who is too scared to give his real name.
Amit is not paranoid. His fear is real. In 2008, the year he joined the institute, a fellow student called Prashant Kureel was found hanging in his room. In 2009, an MTech student, G Suman, killed himself. And in 2010, Madhuri Salve, a final-year student, used her dupatta to hang herself from the ceiling fan. All three were dalits and IIT authorities were quick to blame academic pressure for these deaths. "It's because of constant ragging and brazen casteism on the campus that my son killed himself," says Sunder Lal Kureel, the father of Prashant, as he continues his fight for justice.
But in this battle, Sunder Lal is alone. There are no middle class-led candlelight vigils at India Gate for Prashant. There are no campaigns by TV channels, just the lonely battle of a broken man. There are many like Sunder Lal in their peculiar tragedy. Since 2007, 18 dalit students pursuing engineering and medical courses in the country's top institutes, including the IITs and All India Institute of Medical Sciences, have committed suicide. And here's the real shocker: only one of them, Jaspreet Singh Government Medical College, Chandigarh, left behind a suicide note. None of the others who hanged themselves or jumped from a building blamed anyone for pushing them to take the extreme step. "All of them had complained to their families about harassment at the hands of faculty and fellow students, yet they didn't leave a suicide note. Only Jaspreet's was there because his father found his body. We wonder what happened to all the other suicide notes," says Ratnesh Kumar of Insight Foundation, which is trying to get justice for the families. "We're sure the notes vanished because the victims had accused the authorities of harassment."
Hidden in these missing notes are the dirty secrets of India's top institutes, where dalits have been treated as outcastes ever since reservations were introduced for SC and ST students in the 1950s. Nobody likes to talk about this dark side. Now, as filmmaker Prakash Jha takes a "fresh look at the issue" with his Aarakshan, the dalits fear that the film may reinforce old biases. "We get only 15% seats, while the OBCs get 27%. But, it's the dalits who have to face the brunt of hate campaigns," says Surya Dev, a 25-year-old engineer from Guna, MP, who now works with the Insight Foundation helpline.
Ironically, anti-dalit sentiment erupted in 1991, when the V P Singh government decided to implement 27 reservation for OBCs. In the Capital's "Left-leaning" university, JNU, caste clashes took place between students; in the dining-halls of IIT-Delhi, dalits were forced to sit on separate tables, and the walls of urinals in Delhi University were covered with puerile graffiti. And the authorities just watched. "The atmosphere in our institutions is very brahminical as the upper castes dominate the faculty. In such an environment, the lower caste students automatically become outcastes," says Dilip Mandal, who teaches at Delhi's Indian Institute of Mass Communication (IIMC).
Many dalits have paid a price for being what they are. In 2008, Narendra Divekar and Nitin Kamble, who worked as cameramen at the Centre for Distance Engineering Education Programme at IIT Bombay, took part in a meeting of the institute's union for backward classes. A torrent of casteist abuses from the centre's web coordinator, Rahul Deshmukh, followed almost immediately. Deshmukh told them that they were "not fit to work here". A complaint was made to IIT authorities and the police. But the abuse went on. Unable to handle it, the duo tried to commit suicide outside Deshmukh's office.
Many, however, have fought back. Dr Ajay Singh, who joined AIIMS in 2002 with the same marks as the cut-off for "general" students, was the only dalit in his hostel wing. He was barred from entering the carrom-board room and one day someone scrawled "Nobody likes you here. F**k off" on his door. But Dr Singh fought back and that led to Prime Minister Manmohan Singh appointing a three-member committee, headed by University Grants Commission chairman Sukhdeo Thorat, to look into caste harassment in the country's top medical institutes. The report was shocking: dalit students were bullied into vacating their hostel rooms, leading to a ghetto being formed on two floors of a hostel; they were specifically targeted during ragging; they were not allowed to play cricket and basketball; they were not allowed to eat in the "upper-caste mess"; and the teachers ignored them in class, sometimes deliberately failing them in exams. Shamed by the damning report, AIIMS took some remedial steps. "Now the hostels are allotted through a lottery system and general harassment has come down a bit, but all the recommendations of the panel are yet to be implemented," says Dr Singh, who now works with a government hospital in Delhi.
But resistance is growing on some campuses. "Now the number of upper-caste and reserved category students is almost the same. It's not easy to bully them," says Mandal of IIMC. And dalits are now not prepared to be shunned by the system. "We started celebrating Ambedkar Jayanti on our campus to unite us," says Manju Kumari Rao, 28, a former student of Benaras Hindu University who was once denied permission to go abroad on an exchange programme because she was dalit. "We don't want to join the system, we want to change it.
A knock on the door always makes Amit nervous. If it is daytime, he quickly moves the book rack so that it hides the framed photo of B R Ambedkar, dressed in a dark suit and looking at some distant horizon. If it's night, Amit lies still in bed, staring at the fan. As the banging goes on, he slips in and out of sleep. In his dreams he often sees a boy putting a noose around his neck. Sometimes he sees the boy hanging from a rope that's furiously twisting by itself. Then there is dead silence. He can't go back to sleep.
Amit, a student of IIT-Kanpur, is not suicidal. He has been to a shrink, though, and says he lives in some kind of dread. For two years, life on the campus was beautiful - at least until the day his classmates found out his caste, a fact he had masked with a caste-neutral surname. The Ambedkar photo had already made some "friends" suspicious, and when a clerk in the scholarship section "exposed" his caste, Amit's world changed. He lost his place on the dining table. The batchmates became hostile: jibes in the classroom or an accidental jab in the ribcage every now and then became a common occurrence. And the midnight knocks started. "They don't want me to study. People may think it's a seat of high learning but for me it's living hell," says Amit, who has a brilliant academic record. "People here don't believe in merit. They will push you if you perform better than them," adds the final-year student who is too scared to give his real name.
Amit is not paranoid. His fear is real. In 2008, the year he joined the institute, a fellow student called Prashant Kureel was found hanging in his room. In 2009, an MTech student, G Suman, killed himself. And in 2010, Madhuri Salve, a final-year student, used her dupatta to hang herself from the ceiling fan. All three were dalits and IIT authorities were quick to blame academic pressure for these deaths. "It's because of constant ragging and brazen casteism on the campus that my son killed himself," says Sunder Lal Kureel, the father of Prashant, as he continues his fight for justice.
But in this battle, Sunder Lal is alone. There are no middle class-led candlelight vigils at India Gate for Prashant. There are no campaigns by TV channels, just the lonely battle of a broken man. There are many like Sunder Lal in their peculiar tragedy. Since 2007, 18 dalit students pursuing engineering and medical courses in the country's top institutes, including the IITs and All India Institute of Medical Sciences, have committed suicide. And here's the real shocker: only one of them, Jaspreet Singh Government Medical College, Chandigarh, left behind a suicide note. None of the others who hanged themselves or jumped from a building blamed anyone for pushing them to take the extreme step. "All of them had complained to their families about harassment at the hands of faculty and fellow students, yet they didn't leave a suicide note. Only Jaspreet's was there because his father found his body. We wonder what happened to all the other suicide notes," says Ratnesh Kumar of Insight Foundation, which is trying to get justice for the families. "We're sure the notes vanished because the victims had accused the authorities of harassment."
Hidden in these missing notes are the dirty secrets of India's top institutes, where dalits have been treated as outcastes ever since reservations were introduced for SC and ST students in the 1950s. Nobody likes to talk about this dark side. Now, as filmmaker Prakash Jha takes a "fresh look at the issue" with his Aarakshan, the dalits fear that the film may reinforce old biases. "We get only 15% seats, while the OBCs get 27%. But, it's the dalits who have to face the brunt of hate campaigns," says Surya Dev, a 25-year-old engineer from Guna, MP, who now works with the Insight Foundation helpline.
Ironically, anti-dalit sentiment erupted in 1991, when the V P Singh government decided to implement 27 reservation for OBCs. In the Capital's "Left-leaning" university, JNU, caste clashes took place between students; in the dining-halls of IIT-Delhi, dalits were forced to sit on separate tables, and the walls of urinals in Delhi University were covered with puerile graffiti. And the authorities just watched. "The atmosphere in our institutions is very brahminical as the upper castes dominate the faculty. In such an environment, the lower caste students automatically become outcastes," says Dilip Mandal, who teaches at Delhi's Indian Institute of Mass Communication (IIMC).
Many dalits have paid a price for being what they are. In 2008, Narendra Divekar and Nitin Kamble, who worked as cameramen at the Centre for Distance Engineering Education Programme at IIT Bombay, took part in a meeting of the institute's union for backward classes. A torrent of casteist abuses from the centre's web coordinator, Rahul Deshmukh, followed almost immediately. Deshmukh told them that they were "not fit to work here". A complaint was made to IIT authorities and the police. But the abuse went on. Unable to handle it, the duo tried to commit suicide outside Deshmukh's office.
Many, however, have fought back. Dr Ajay Singh, who joined AIIMS in 2002 with the same marks as the cut-off for "general" students, was the only dalit in his hostel wing. He was barred from entering the carrom-board room and one day someone scrawled "Nobody likes you here. F**k off" on his door. But Dr Singh fought back and that led to Prime Minister Manmohan Singh appointing a three-member committee, headed by University Grants Commission chairman Sukhdeo Thorat, to look into caste harassment in the country's top medical institutes. The report was shocking: dalit students were bullied into vacating their hostel rooms, leading to a ghetto being formed on two floors of a hostel; they were specifically targeted during ragging; they were not allowed to play cricket and basketball; they were not allowed to eat in the "upper-caste mess"; and the teachers ignored them in class, sometimes deliberately failing them in exams. Shamed by the damning report, AIIMS took some remedial steps. "Now the hostels are allotted through a lottery system and general harassment has come down a bit, but all the recommendations of the panel are yet to be implemented," says Dr Singh, who now works with a government hospital in Delhi.
But resistance is growing on some campuses. "Now the number of upper-caste and reserved category students is almost the same. It's not easy to bully them," says Mandal of IIMC. And dalits are now not prepared to be shunned by the system. "We started celebrating Ambedkar Jayanti on our campus to unite us," says Manju Kumari Rao, 28, a former student of Benaras Hindu University who was once denied permission to go abroad on an exchange programme because she was dalit. "We don't want to join the system, we want to change it.
Saturday, 9 July 2011
Seven Blunders of the World
1. Wealth without work
2. Pleasure without conscience
3. Knowledge without character
4. Commerce without morality
5. Science without humanity
6. Worship without sacrifice
7. Politics without principle
—Mahatma Gandhi
2. Pleasure without conscience
3. Knowledge without character
4. Commerce without morality
5. Science without humanity
6. Worship without sacrifice
7. Politics without principle
—Mahatma Gandhi
Labels:
quotes
Tuesday, 5 July 2011
After a while..
After a while you learn
The subtle difference between
Holding a hand and chaining a soul
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn
That kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes ahead
With the grace of a woman
Not the grief of a child
And you learn
To build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is
Too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way
Of falling down in mid flight
After a while you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden
And decorate your own soul
Instead of waiting
For someone to bring you flowers
And you learn
That you really can endure
That you are really strong
And you really do have worth
And you learn and you learn
With every good bye you learn.
Veronica A. Shoffstall
The subtle difference between
Holding a hand and chaining a soul
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn
That kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes ahead
With the grace of a woman
Not the grief of a child
And you learn
To build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is
Too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way
Of falling down in mid flight
After a while you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden
And decorate your own soul
Instead of waiting
For someone to bring you flowers
And you learn
That you really can endure
That you are really strong
And you really do have worth
And you learn and you learn
With every good bye you learn.
Veronica A. Shoffstall
Wednesday, 29 June 2011
Sunday, 5 June 2011
JUDGING PEOPLE
See that boy doing his homework in homeroom? … He couldn’t do it last night because he was too busy talking his best friend out of suicide. See that girl, with her face caked in make up? … She’s bullied, she needs to feel beautiful. See him, the one who wears long sleeves everyday? … He covers his arms to hide the scars. See her, with the cheap, hand-me-down clothes? … Her family can’t afford food for half the month, let alone get brand names. See the girl who laughs and smiles at every little thing? … She cries herself to sleep every night. Wonder why she never lets her friends over her house? … Because she’s afraid they’ll see her dad passed out drunk on the floor, as always. See how that girl cringes as rape jokes? … She was raped. See the boy who everyone goes to for advice? … He wishes someone would do the same for him. See the girl who never brings a lunch? … She’s disgusted by her body. See her, with the little waist? … She goes to the bathroom and forces herself to throw up so that she can keep her waist that way. See the boy over there, see the dark circles under his eyes? … He has insomnia, he fears what he’ll see in his dreams. See that girl daydreaming over there? … She has schizophrenia. See the boy biting his nails? … He has cancer and he’s wondering how much time he has left. See your best friend? … She’s addicted to drugs, but she can’t tell you because you wont understand. See that boy reading all about 9/11? … His parents died on that day. See her, with her phone on her at all times? … She’s waiting for a call saying her sister was found after a kidnapping 4 years ago. Don’t judge.
Source: http://alonetilforever.tumblr.com/post/3992368091/osee-that-boy-doing-his-homework-in-homeroom-he
Labels:
discoveries,
quotes,
realizations
WHY cant lizards talk?
Last night, I was trying to put myself to sleep when something struck me.
This GRAND idea.
That could actually be a solution to all my nightmares. Why cant lizards talk? So, imagine if they could. All I need to do is hold a gentleman’s conversation with them and let them know that they are trespassing private property and that I could sue them for the same if they do not oblige to move out. That’s it. End to all the nights I wonder if that creepy ugly thing is poking its head from under that table, or from behind the tube light. And if they refuse to oblige, I could even report the damned lizard and get him to evacuate my house forcefully. These guys can even get lizard lawyers if they want. That way, we would have a proper and sensible argument and justice would be served.
YES. OMG.
God, grant me this much. Rather, grant the lizards this much. Let them talk.
Peace.
This GRAND idea.
That could actually be a solution to all my nightmares. Why cant lizards talk? So, imagine if they could. All I need to do is hold a gentleman’s conversation with them and let them know that they are trespassing private property and that I could sue them for the same if they do not oblige to move out. That’s it. End to all the nights I wonder if that creepy ugly thing is poking its head from under that table, or from behind the tube light. And if they refuse to oblige, I could even report the damned lizard and get him to evacuate my house forcefully. These guys can even get lizard lawyers if they want. That way, we would have a proper and sensible argument and justice would be served.
YES. OMG.
God, grant me this much. Rather, grant the lizards this much. Let them talk.
Peace.
Friday, 20 May 2011
As an Indian Citizen
Singapore was preparing to vote for its leader. And it was my first time around rallies in another country. Not just any other country. It was one of the most developed economies in the world. I had always thought that the process was pretty much simple. There is one party that stands for the elections. And you pretty much don’t have a choice but to vote for them, given that they do a really good job. However, it was surprising to know that, this time the scene was changing a little bit. My Singaporean friends were attending rallies by different other parties (They actually exist!). I came across debates among my Singaporean peers, on whom they should vote for and why. At the same time, Tamil Nadu State election results were coming out. Newspapers and TV channels had new meat to chew on. Parents and relatives talked about it on the phone. At home. People in restaurants. Old men in the park. My grandma was talking about the scene for her bit. Analysis of which leader should come back. Who was going to win? Who had contributed anything at all for the community? Who had robbed more? Whose family was looting? So many questions were drifting in the air.
Two scenes. And I’d say from completely different movies.
Scene 1: One would think that Singapore having all that it does, would elect their ruling party. And yes they did. But all the debates that took place gave me a new perspective. There were people who were looking for change. They wanted less foreigners, better roads and drainage systems (They’ve GOT to be kidding me), speedier government procedures, etc. Nevertheless, what they wanted dint matter so much to me, as the fact that THEY ACTUALLY DID WANT MORE. There is always door for change, space for more. That’s what I learnt from those few weeks of exposure.
Scene 2: Tamil Nadu elections have always been this way. One party would take care of one small thing in their reign. Other would give attention to another small issue. They are united in one issue though, never failing to give attention to looting public money. It doesn’t matter to me which party comes to power.
Digitally printed banners of party leaders’ blown-up faces with head shots of the guys who made the posters, carrying slogans that claim these leaders to own the state (I should give it to them, they are very honest people) – are ALWAYS going to be around, destroying the beauty of the city. I remember once, the government decided to ban the huge advertisement banners around the city. Wonder what category these fall under. And every time they take a certain route in the city, the roads are going to be adorned with their faces and flags. Flags which are stuck inside holes bored on the granite walkway. Oh yes, new holes every time they decide to stick flags on the roads. We kinda know who we voted for and who the ruling party is. I wish they realized that, and dint try to remind us every single day. What happened to beautifying Chennai, keeping it clean? One party would decide to waste hundreds of crores and build a new assembly building. And the other party, would decide to move back to the old one, spending even more crores and wasting more public money in the end. These are just starters. Very petty issues. There’s agriculture getting less importance by the day, city getting crowded, land prices, corruption, unemployment, theft, road discipline, accidents, what not. It hurts to know that these parties don’t give a damn to these issues. Issues which will, when addressed, probably give them more recognition. Ignorance is not just by the parties, even the public care less for issues that matter. They would go by number/values of freebies or even worse by religion and caste. Yes, we are a religious nation. I am pretty sure that never meant vote for the guy who is from your sect of belief. Hurts.
Comparing these two scenes. Oh yes, the second one is my own perspective and the first is borrowed hence the difference in size! I pray and hope for the day my countrymen would start demanding for a better government. It is not at all the fault of the parties. It is the attitude of every citizen that matters. Singapore is a hardworking nation. Yes, I have complained of monotonous life a million times, these past months. But they are people who know their duties. They form a responsible nation. They care for their government. Government cares for them. They are selfish yes, but selfish for their nation. That counts. That is the quality we lack. We do not know our duties. We rarely work hard. We cannot care more for the government. Government cannot care for us. We are selfish people, but our selfishness stops with self and family. The day we extend it to nation we would succeed. The saying for cleanliness comes to my mind now, ‘Keep yourself clean, keep your house clean, and keep your road clean. And if every citizen did the same thing the entire nation would be clean’- Can be applied to any situation/issue.
Overwhelming emotions due to boredom at so-called work. ‘True’ overwhelming emotions though.
Saturday, 14 May 2011
Monday, 25 April 2011
Live it like it is
I was having a bad day until now. Actually I'll say HORRIBLE day. I am sitting in my room after my semesters. It was a bad paper. I can say without exaggeration that it was the worst paper I have taken in these two years in university.
I was cribbing about that to a couple of friends and feeling disappointed with myself till I decided to stumbleupon. And I saw this..

I remembered how I was talking about graduating a few days back.
Bad exams will pass. Come again (I am sure) and pass.
Meanwhile, I'll hold on and live. Right through. :)
I was cribbing about that to a couple of friends and feeling disappointed with myself till I decided to stumbleupon. And I saw this..
I remembered how I was talking about graduating a few days back.
Bad exams will pass. Come again (I am sure) and pass.
Meanwhile, I'll hold on and live. Right through. :)
Labels:
quotes,
realizations
Saturday, 26 March 2011
Sunday, 13 March 2011
Pretty Girls
I like looking at pretty existence in any form.
Girls even more.
Its so pleasant to look at a girl so fair.
www.seecreatures.com
Girls even more.
Its so pleasant to look at a girl so fair.
www.seecreatures.com
Saturday, 5 March 2011
Baiz
I like it when guys get past the fugly pencil moustache stage from their adolescence, and move on to the next - shaved, rugged. Makes them look so much more sane.
Actually its more than just the moustache.
Stage One - Their sense of dressing, their VOICE, their attitude towards the female sex, their lameness. Haha, makes them what they are. I have loved growing up with these fools. They gave me my taste for lameness (I LOVE lame btw, brings a lot of joy once you enjoy it). Their innocence (though not in all areas, mind you) when dealing with things. Girls are slightly annoying that way. They also grew up faster like you and hence they know what you mean or what you are up to. These guys - simple, plain and right there.
All these things change one day.
Stage Two - I am still not sure if its over a period of time, or just overnight coz I have too many reasons to believe its overnight. They become men. They start to dress up, shave, talk normally and take responsibilities. They are suddenly more careful, CLEAN and neat.
Pigs (brother) is still in Stage One. I am missing being around him and watch him transform. Hopefully he'll join me at uni and let me be there for him.
And ALL these other fools. Some of them have moved on to Stage Two, while some others are still figuring Stage One out. You guys are fun, no matter what! Heres for every joke that was made, every mokkae that was put, every smile that was smiled, every hug that was given, and every word that was spoke.
Dunno why I feel so emo about my guy friends. Never mind, I still do. Lorries of love.
Actually its more than just the moustache.
Stage One - Their sense of dressing, their VOICE, their attitude towards the female sex, their lameness. Haha, makes them what they are. I have loved growing up with these fools. They gave me my taste for lameness (I LOVE lame btw, brings a lot of joy once you enjoy it). Their innocence (though not in all areas, mind you) when dealing with things. Girls are slightly annoying that way. They also grew up faster like you and hence they know what you mean or what you are up to. These guys - simple, plain and right there.
All these things change one day.
Stage Two - I am still not sure if its over a period of time, or just overnight coz I have too many reasons to believe its overnight. They become men. They start to dress up, shave, talk normally and take responsibilities. They are suddenly more careful, CLEAN and neat.
Pigs (brother) is still in Stage One. I am missing being around him and watch him transform. Hopefully he'll join me at uni and let me be there for him.
And ALL these other fools. Some of them have moved on to Stage Two, while some others are still figuring Stage One out. You guys are fun, no matter what! Heres for every joke that was made, every mokkae that was put, every smile that was smiled, every hug that was given, and every word that was spoke.
Dunno why I feel so emo about my guy friends. Never mind, I still do. Lorries of love.
Monday, 7 February 2011
Hijab
I had this conversation with a friend sometime back. We argued about the hijab but did not spend much time on it.
Today, she sent me a video.
I have had this conversation with amma before, during those times we discuss whether I can wear revealing clothes. I always thought it was my right to do so. I want, so I do. She made me think. She asked me why I want to wear them. Am I in show business? Clearly not. Why else do I want to wear it? Is it for the sake of others? Do I care about what they think of me?
No, I do not care for what others think of my dressing. I need to look bright and colourful. Its for my own satisfaction. That being the criteria, why should it be revealing? Maybe I do not care whether its revealing. Maybe its just because I like the way that dress fits me, maybe the colour and there could be a million other reasons. What worried me is the fact that subconsciously I might be deciding on what I have seen others in; on what I thought looked good on others. And yes, that is true. Doesnt that include public opinion. Am I not in some twisted way caring about what others think of my dressing.
In trying to answer these questions, I also realized the presence of hijab. The hijab is a symbol that defies things the world seems to be working towards. Women, fashion, cosmetics, magazines, models. They all seem to vanish in front of a woman who wears her hijab. I am my own, why do I have to exhibit myself to the world. In my opinion, wearing a hijab is just a symbol of the way you think. Its a symbol of self-respect.
When I argue inside, I have come up with two contradictory theories. Haven't we assumed men to be forcing the women into hijabs? Nevertheless, isn't this a male-dominated world which is striving to get you out of it? Debatable.
Some might wear it for religion and some might wear out of situation. I am unable to think of a rational situation where I might have to wear a hijab. However, if that does happens, I know I will be ready to wear one. Till then, I salute the women around the world who've had the courage to take this step. You are my inspiration.
Today, she sent me a video.
I have had this conversation with amma before, during those times we discuss whether I can wear revealing clothes. I always thought it was my right to do so. I want, so I do. She made me think. She asked me why I want to wear them. Am I in show business? Clearly not. Why else do I want to wear it? Is it for the sake of others? Do I care about what they think of me?
No, I do not care for what others think of my dressing. I need to look bright and colourful. Its for my own satisfaction. That being the criteria, why should it be revealing? Maybe I do not care whether its revealing. Maybe its just because I like the way that dress fits me, maybe the colour and there could be a million other reasons. What worried me is the fact that subconsciously I might be deciding on what I have seen others in; on what I thought looked good on others. And yes, that is true. Doesnt that include public opinion. Am I not in some twisted way caring about what others think of my dressing.
In trying to answer these questions, I also realized the presence of hijab. The hijab is a symbol that defies things the world seems to be working towards. Women, fashion, cosmetics, magazines, models. They all seem to vanish in front of a woman who wears her hijab. I am my own, why do I have to exhibit myself to the world. In my opinion, wearing a hijab is just a symbol of the way you think. Its a symbol of self-respect.
When I argue inside, I have come up with two contradictory theories. Haven't we assumed men to be forcing the women into hijabs? Nevertheless, isn't this a male-dominated world which is striving to get you out of it? Debatable.
Some might wear it for religion and some might wear out of situation. I am unable to think of a rational situation where I might have to wear a hijab. However, if that does happens, I know I will be ready to wear one. Till then, I salute the women around the world who've had the courage to take this step. You are my inspiration.
Labels:
hijab,
realizations
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