Midnight wish

A midnight wish, I was dreaming up
Things in my head, cooking up
One of those sentient thoughts
before going to bed
I wished lots
For rain and wind, ahead

Only to wake up
To a horse's gallop
Swishing of the wind
Pitter patter of the rain on the glass
Clatter of the louvres
Roaring of the thunder

Here I am trying to rhyme
Well past my bedtime
Sitting in the shadow
Thinking again of my midnight wish
Sitting by the window
Thoughts that dint vanish, Thoughts that need polish

Never regret anything..

..because at one point it was exactly what you wanted!

I love it. Whenever I think about choices I made and things I did, I tend to wonder if I should have done it. And especially when things go wrong after my choices I upset myself.

Not anymore. This has enlightened me enough. To make choices I 'want' to make. Everything else will fall into place. Or maybe not.

The upside is that I never have to wonder what 'could' have happened.


Will go to bed with a peaceful mind tonight! Clears up a lot of things :)

I am growing up

It was a huge realisation last night. A couple of dots in the past few days connected last night.

A Facebook friend of mine got married! Yes. She's as old as me, a schoolmate. And she's married! I was mind fucked (Pardon the language, but I dont think there is any other word to describe my state) for a few hours. I went on and on about it. I even called my mom up to share the news. I expected her to be appalled. Well, because I was. She laughed it off. And asked whats so surprising in that. I started gushing at her and asked her HOW in the world was it normal/ or even laughable. She said she got married when she was 20. In my opinion, that was 23 years back and that does NOT count. Anyway, she went on to reason that the girl probably finished her graduation and her parents also thought she should be married. That is not how things work for me. No WAY. Aren't you supposed to be working? Or if you dont want to work, travelling? Or I dont know, do something else. Surely not marrying! To top it all the guy looked very young (I am serious. When I say very I mean 'very') and they even went globetrotting for their honeymoon.

Couple of days back a friend was talking about her cousin getting married. Again, the protagonist of this story is aged 20. She also just decided to get married. Somehow, her being from another country justified the marriage for me. I did not know anything of their culture, tradition or societal norms. So maybe it was normal. We just moved on to lavish weddings and expensive gowns.

A friend of a friend was acting in some movie and I was looking up some details. It was a love story of sorts. But yet again the heroine is 20 :O

And yes thats when it hit me that I was growing up. I wasn't a school kid anymore. I wasn't small or tiny. I was a woman. Almost 20. And it is no surprise that girls my age were making huge life decisions by now. It wasn't about the culture. It was just about time for some people.

Yes. I have chosen to do other things at the same time. I want to get my undergraduate degree, a few years of work experience doing what I love, some money in my bank account and an independent single life before I get into all the family jazz. Thats just me. Some others have made other decisions. There was nothing appalling there. And I am telling myself (as mom put it) 'Dhanya It's quite normal'.

The old man at the park

There is a hill behind one of the university accommodations. Atop the hill is a park. Quite small. Couple of benches, variety of greenery and an excellent view.

My mother was visiting me and a cousin took her to this park, while they were waiting for me to finish class. Firstly, she was at awe at the entire country(city?), it being her first time in Singapore. She wondered how they managed to keep everything so neat, ordered and pretty. She did ofcourse make remarks on the artificial-ness of the affair. She awed at the people and their sincerity in the little exchanges she handled. 

They drove to the park in the evening. Around 4 o clock. It was quite empty. Except for just another vehicle. They did not even manage to find any people. While they were enjoying the view up there, my mother noticed a park cleaner. He was raking away, doing his job in singularity. Forget that it was a windy day and most of his work was recursive. 

When she recollected this observation I wondered. I wished I could be committed to my work EVERY single day no matter what the circumstances were. He must have found his drive. I am still looking for mine! 

I wonder how, I wonder why

I was at clementi mall a while back. I was having lunch with a friend at Burger King. To our right, there was a 70-something couple having their meal. The woman was in a wheel chair and the man was pushing her around. They were eating fries and were sharing a drink with two straws in it.

I haven't seen something so awe and so cute and oh-god in sooo long! It made me wonder if I'd want that if I was ever in a wheel chair. I do. I am guessing almost every other person would too.

And then again I saw this video on facebook. About an excellent singer on X factor. He was a handicapped Iranian by origin, adopted by an Australian Mother. His performance was moving for many reasons. What I noticed was however, the mother - Moira Kelly. She runs Children's First Foundation in Australia. To sum it up - she has changed the lives of many kids and continues to do so.

These two encounters got me thinking about my life and what I want (Yet another time! - I do so much thinking, sometimes I forget to live it :/) Anyway, I was just contemplating. Would I give up having a regular life with a regular family to change people's lives? Can I try and manage both?

I wonder.

I want a yellow typewriter

I like the beatles.

Listening to them makes me realize how important it is to remember the sound of music, blue sky, green sea, little children who laugh, banker on a motorbike, strawberry fields, clinging wives, birds that flew, lonely people, girls named jude, the sun that comes, girls that have tickets to a ride, girls who love, and how we need eight days a week.

I was listening to yellow submarine a while back. And I think I know what I want for my birthday. A yellow typewriter. As yellow as the sun. I am sitting here typing on a black keyboard with hardly any colour or life. It would light up my life. By a far-away galaxy of stars. Right inside my room.

I want a yellow typewriter.
As yellow as mustard sauce.
As yellow as the little girl's frock.
As yellow as the sun.

Why should I?

I have been noticing this habit among people around me. So whenever there is a lot of talking/discussion going on, there is always one or two people constantly saying 'Chill man'. I dont get it. Honestly I dont.

Why should I? What exactly is the motive of the person who says it? I havent figured this one out yet. Its putting off, really. If I want to be excited about something. I choose to be. Why would you try and shut me up? Occasionally my mom has also used it. I see it around a lot. A LOT.

Wouldn't it be much simpler if you choose to be delighted in the persons excitement. Or if it is bothering you so much, just ignore the person. Let them dwell in their own bubble. After all its a bubble, it ought to burst sometime.

I think it takes a bigger person to be able to do this.

Procrastination can actually be good?!

Theory of Structured Procrastination!


So what you need to do is:
1. Make a list of tasks that you need to accomplish. 
2. Arrange them from most important to least important. 
3. Then, procrastinate doing something that is higher on the list by doing something lower on the list.
How simple! This way, we would do the least important thing, procrastinating the most important thing the whole time. Getting all the work done, yet being a procrastinator. I think it would fool the mind. Trying right away!


Interestingly, this is not the first time this concept came about: Robert Benchley used this principle in 1940,   “The secret of my incredible energy and efficiency in getting work done is a simple one. I have based it very deliberately on a well-known psychological principle and have refined it so that it is now almost too refined. I shall have to begin coarsening it up again pretty soon. The psychological principle is this: anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn’t the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment."  from “How to Get Things Done” (1940)

The source article is here!

God isn't she Perfect!

Can you be THE happiest person in the world?

I took my project module, without thinking one iota about it. Its a technical Elective. Which in layman's terms means, a civil subject that we chose to study out of interest, not compulsory. And on the first day of the module, the professors talked about how they expect so much out of us, I even contemplated quitting. But 4 of my close friends were doing that module, so I just decided to stick along.

We had our first presentation. We were really creative, but we missed out on content. So even-though the profs commended our performance he said he was disappointed with the bad part. We were sad. I was especially sad. When you work hard and dont get results, its disheartening.

It was time for the second presentation. We had slogged for the past two three weeks, and more so for the past few days. Day of second presentation came. Today. We suited up and left for the venue. The group before ourselves were fretting out and making us anxious. We got nervous and started freaking out a bit. But as we were waiting we gained the confidence that this time we actually hit it. We got our content and creativity on the plate. Spot on. We had nothing to worry about. We cheered ourselves up and smiled. We encouraged each other and we entered the room.

It went smooth. They loved us! All the hard work paid. Our passion showed. They were amused and content. We could just see it on their face :) And God was I glad. We all were. I was so thrilled that you actually dint need grades for this kind of a thing. This was nearer to the real world situation. A place were we need to sell ourselves and show that we have the passion and the energy to do something. What made it very special was that, today I felt like I actually belonged in NUS. For the first time in two and a half years. That means something. I never thought i'll experience that. I really never did.

We made it!

Shaniya and Priyansha! We might not be particularly thrilled about Civil most times. But we know we'll make it girls!
Sid and TzyyFung! You guys can do studies and stuff like this with passion and I am so glad I met you!

I learnt so many things from today. Just to list down:
- Give it your best shot, it'll pay someway or other!
- You work best with people you get along. If you already dont know them, get to know them. In our case, we were a bunch always so it clicked just the right way!
- Marks dont matter so much. Relax and enjoy studying. Maybe you'll actually endup liking it!
- Hardwork with passion! Always.
- First impression is the best impression. Maybe not always. But make sure you hit it the first time anyway!

To many days like this. Filled with positive energy :)

Its really about sticking with it all the way!

I have a really dabba(sad-outdated-gone) phone. And it has just one game. Quadrapop. Cats/Fishes/Crabs/Monkey/Frogs come flying from top and you need to get four of them together for them to pop. And thats about it. The highest score was by Pigs(brother) around 60k. And the maximum I got to was always 20k.

Its my favourite past time when I am on the bus or in the loo. Popping those animated things away. However, everytime I was playing I wanted to get past 20k. I always wondered how Pigs got to 60k. He was always better at games than me. But this seemed waaay pro even for him - a difference of 40k. This piece of fact was always stuck in my head when I played he game.

Today though, somehow I never once bothered to look at the score. I just kept playing, concentration completely on the game and when I looked up at the scores - VIOLA! 58k. The joyy. I worked a little bit more and neared 60k and lost the game. A little short of beating his score. Suddenly, I was pro at the game too!

Though I did not entirely win, I take the learning back. Maybe I shouldn't be so bothered about the result all the time. The process matters. Enjoy it and guess what, when you are doing your things right you'll eventually get there. For sure!

Leadership is conviction in action!

What a insightful way to put it.

I was at a leadership camp in a rain forest in Malaysia. We went through three days of intensive adventure activities and workshops, everything tied down to leadership. It was a very eye-opening experience. Its wonderful how little things that affect a small game can teach you so much about how to handle real-time situations. One of the activities was around a wooden plank built like a see-saw. So 15 people climb on top of it and try to balance the plank. We tried for 20 minutes moving from left to right and right to left. And somewhere after a hundred tries we balanced the plank for 5 seconds before we went to square one. It was all about how you work with each other and understand the situation. Its all about how you make use of the team members. Its all about how you satisfy each team members goal while satisfying the teams goal. Its about how you encourage people. Its about how you inspire them. Its about being true to yourself and to your commitment.

And like Prof.Tan Teck Koon put it, Its about conviction in action.

Arguments

I argue.
A lot.
I just cant bear it when someone says something unreasonable.

However, following a resolution last year, I have reduced my arguments. By a TON. My close friends even noticed this change! (YAY)

I had accounts tutorial earlier today. My tutor is a pretty entertaining guy. He is a CEO, yet here only on friday evenings to try and impart his knowledge of accounting. Today he said something that made me think.

He was talking about Bank Reconciliation. And in trying to explain why we need to match the bank balance with the record balance, he said 'When one person says one thing, and another person says another thing. One of them is wrong. Except in bank reconciliation. Both are right, even though they show different amounts. This is because both are exposed to different information.'

Isn't this the reason for argument ALWAYS? I know 'x' things about something and he knows 'y' things about the same thing. When we both get talking, we are surely going in the direction of an argument if 'x' and 'y' are opposites. No one is right. No one is wrong. We both just know different things.

The peace my mind felt when it all became clear. Ah.

Pledge

I am taking a pledge today. A pledge following my earlier post. Right now it is the only thing I can think of. I am going to try and create my own butterfly wave. For a positive world. For a world with happiness. A world with love.

I am going to smile whenever I can. At strangers. At fellow lift-riders. At aunties and uncles who clear my plate at engin canteen. At people on the street. Smile and be pleasant. Maybe I'll make someones day. Maybe I wont. Maybe I'll look like a doofus.

Why?

I came across Indu Antony's work today. About destitute women and the mentally ill in a home in Bangalore. Heart wrenching.

Why is the world so cruel to people who are not capable? Does the 'survival of the fittest' theory have to be so harsh? Can not a not-so-fit person make it out in this world? What describes 'fittest'? What is the point of life? Most importantly, what can 'I' do to change this?

I have many questions. And not a semblance of answer.
Like Kanta, all I can ask and keep thinking is 'Why'.

Conversations

“The most important thing in all human relationships is conversation, but people don’t talk anymore, they don’t sit down to talk and listen. They go to the theatre, the cinema, watch television, listen to the radio, read books, but they almost never talk. If we want to change the world, we have to go back to a time when warriors would gather around a fire and tell stories.”

-Paulo Coelho

How true! I love conversations. Like in 'Before Sunrise'. People can explore so much about each other and about the world. I keep trying to get my close friends here in uni to do this, in vain. Sadly, no one shares my excitement about this idea. Though I have had quite a number of stimulating conversations once in a while. About God, plants, animals, future, chocolates, peace, religion, India, even doodie.  

PS: If any of you who is reading this post feel like having 'A' conversation, feel free to buzz me! Always around :)

Closeness

I am watching an 18th century drama and heard this,

'If you were close, the closeness never dies'

I wonder if this is true. I am yet to disprove this line. Thank goodness for that. Still, just a thought. I hope it is true.

The difference between how a person treats the powerless versus the powerful is as good a measure of human character as I know

- Robert I Sutton

Good but not good enough

I had a presentation today. We are doing an infrastructure project on a hospital. We came up with a creative one. We were quite sure of ourselves.

Presentation happened.
Prof claps.
Walks up to the podium. Says we were very bold and very creative. He liked our approach most out of the 8 groups that presented today.
Smiles for a bit.
BUT.
Thats not what we want.

What do you do when someone tells/implies that you were good, but not good enough. It made me feel inadequate and incompetent. Been facing this particular implication repetitively these past few months.

Is it just me? I wonder.

Infinite possibilities

I was walking to the bus stop from my room, when I notice some posters stuck improperly. There was a bend in the poster and it was not stuck parallel to the wall. I got annoyed at the fact that the person was so careless in sticking the poster. I corrected a couple of them.

However, when I was coming back I realised it was MEANT to be stuck that way. They were dance class posters and it was a nice way to attract attention (obviously!). I laughed at my silliness. And thats when I realised there are a million ways to get to a place. Who ever said posters have to be flat?