#19 - Kindness in speech

I am blunt and straight forward, I don't walk around the park (usually). This tendency makes me look like a person who is unkind. Someone who does not care for the other party's feelings.

I am working on it. I honestly am. My candor has reduced by huge amounts. I resist my strong urge to argue with anyone who believes in something absolutely atrocious. I resist the urge to give them a piece of my mind. I don't want to enforce my opinion on anyone, these days. My opinion shall be mine and shall guide only my judgement.

While that is one part of the agenda the other is to improve on kindness. I find people who don't give their opinion decidedly to be the people who are good at getting things done (It is a very superficial connection, I have drawn and a very debatable one too). And because of their reservation, these are people who look kind on first look. I can never be that person. If you stick around long enough you'll eventually find these people to be indifferent or nonchalant, though.

I can't be reserved, but I want to be kind. I want to be kinder when I disagree. I want to agreeably disagree. They say it is a great skill if you know how to work it! I want to be able to listen and understand where they come from. I want to show them I care. And I want to tell them what I think. Sounds simple, doesn't it? Try arguing with someone with these things in mind. And you'll see what a challenge it is! I get so carried away in the argument I fail to show my concern (often).

'Panniva anba pesu' 
(Speak with humility and kindness) 

The number of times Amma stresses on this aspect of speech is countless till this day. I am working on it dee, I promise :)

Project 21

#20 - Sacrificing

School never taught me the reality of sacrifice. It was all rosy and sweet smelling. You study three months before board exams. You work really hard these three months and you can get into a good uni. And guess what, I did.

With that image in mind I stepped into uni. Hey, that strategy no longer works. I learnt that the hard way in my first year here. It was uni that taught me sacrifice and put me through all hell to understand the concept. With respect to academics and otherwise.

I like any other girl wish for every good to happen in my day! Slowly but surely I learnt that every thing good does not happen in your life every day. Heh, who am I kidding.

One door will close on you if you want another to open. You ought to choose what you want and you ought to give up on something to get this. Animate or inanimate. Every thing in this world has an opportunity cost. It is how much we want something that matters.

'Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.' 

Project 21

#21 - Forgiving

History holds many an example for the values of forgiving; for the greatness of forgiving.

'Forgiving does not make the person who hurt you feel better, it makes you feel better'

Ever since I learnt the importance of this act I have tried to practice it. It's been tough; but I am getting there. Not everything works the way we wish it to. Not everything works according to Plan A. That's the whole point of having 25 other alphabets.

Why do we need to forgive? It helps get past the issue. Why did this issue arise? There was a gap between expectation and reality. How did this gap get created? There was a difference in the amounts of information known. It's as simple as that. I am amazed at how the difference in information available to different parties can be the cause of many trivial emotions in our everyday. Miscommunication happens. Arguments happen. That does not mean we should get cross with our friends. I wonder how many people we'll be left with if we punish everyone for thinking and wanting different.

I think my biggest take-away has been to take misunderstandings as a lesson. A friend did not agree with what I said? A friend said/did something that hurt in order to protect their interest? I choose to forgive them. Forgive them and tell them you did so because you care for them much more than a simple misunderstanding.

I feel good when I do get past the hard iron bubble of giving in. I feel good when I get past the issue. I feel good that I chose to be the bigger person. For all I know, they forgave me too!

I wish this learning to stay for life. I will strive to work on it.

Project 21

#5 - Oral Presentation

Preparation
Goal - Internalize the material; give three take-aways for the audience to remember
Result - Drew more on story; stressed less on the points

Our research project about Singapore being a 'City of Art' was a topic I very deeply felt about and that gave me a natural push to be motivated about this topic which helped a lot in my preparation. During the delivery itself, I inclined towards the story and set-up the mood for the rest of the presentation.
--

Delivery
Goal - Reduce speed of speech delivery; speak effectively
Result - Succeeded with the speed; could have been more cheerful

As a habit, I tend to speak faster than what one would consider a slower pace. I have been feed-backed on this by my wonderful classmates in my peer teaching session and I took this opportunity to work on my speed. My team members and I had decided to be as formal as we can. That ended up looking grave to the audience and that is my biggest regret of the day. I still hope that the effectiveness of delivery was not compromised on.
--

Use of slides
Goal - Don't use slides as a support for speech but rather to illustrate speech
Result - Succeeded with slides

As for the slides, the HBR article that appeared on my reader feed became an excellent source of information of how I should tone and arrange them. I tried to switch between reality and hope for future as much as I could.
--

In all, I walked out of the room feeling good about my presentation for the day. I really wish that I smiled a little bit though. While I was making eye contact with the audience I kept wondering why everyone was serious. I recollect noticing a trace of smile on Tasha and Brad, occasionally.

This question was a HUGE bubble in my head until Brad popped it and told me how I was extremely serious when I spoke. I understood that it was my death-stare that provoked the seriousness among the audience. Theory of reciprocity eh?

How do we fall in love?

You don’t fall in love like you fall in a hole. You fall like falling through space. It’s like you jump off your own private planet to visit someone else’s planet. And when you get there it all looks different: the flowers, the animals, the colours people wear. It is a big surprise falling in love because you thought you had everything just right on your own planet, and that was true, in a way, but then somebody signalled to you across space and the only way you could visit was to take a giant jump. Away you go, falling into someone else’s orbit and after a while you might decide to pull your two planets together and call it home. And you can bring your dog. Or your cat. Your goldfish, hamster, collection of stones, all your odd socks. (The ones you lost, including the holes, are on the new planet you found.)

And you can bring your friends to visit. And read your favourite stories to each other. And the falling was really the big jump that you had to make to be with someone you don’t want to be without. That’s it.

PS You have to be brave.

- Author Jeanette Winterson answers How do we fall in love? on Big Questions from Little People and Simple Answers from Great Minds

I remember more than one conversation with friends about falling in love! We have wondered what it could be, how it works and why it does. We have had a variety of discussions but no outcome was as creative and as simple as this one. 

Whether true or not, thanks to Brain Pickings for putting a smile on my face this morning! 

Support systems

I challenge you to walk on a parapet wall of a ten storeyed building. Will you do it?

I think majority of the respondents to that question will say no. However these respondents would not mind walking on the roof of the same ten storeyed building.

Think about it! We use up 8 inches across for our feet. Let's give it another 4 inches for assurance. Once we have this one foot of path, we should be willing to take the leap of faith.

My mind started linking this need for assurance to the bigger things in life. We always need a support system to achieve something. A stable ground to be confident off. This support system might be human or animate. It could be friends, family, partners, books, pets, places or memories. The support system gives us a feeling of safety and provides the thrust forward.

Today I feel gratitude for everyone and everything that has been part of my support system. I can't explain the wonders a simple 'What's been up' on gtalk, a 'How are you' on Whatsapp or a phone call has done to my day. If I ever did not show my gratitude (which I am sure I have missed at times) please do pardon my hastiness.

PS: I have resolved to illustrate my posts henceforth! Wonder why I never thought of it before.. Anyway, I have now been inspired by a friend who started doing something similar.

How do you think?

Am I a visual thinker or a auditory thinker?

Source

Am I an individual thinker or a group thinker?

Source

This lifehacker article inspired the 2 questions. The author shares some simple questions she asks when faced with the question. It was illustrative enough for a quick answer and I thought I should share it here!

Do you like to understand processes through images? Or do you prefer to read through material? When you see a new product do you rush to read about it? Or do you like to see how it looks? 

Did you prefer studying alone or with a group in uni? After a long day at work would you like to go back home to some books or catchup with your friends?

I realized it is essential to discover these qualities in order to figure out when we are most productive. I think I am 60/40 between individual thinking and group thinking. I like to munch on the ideas by myself before I can have a discussion about it. That said, ideas always take better form in a group when input was formed by various pairs of eyes and ears. This means I like to think ahead before meetings even if its only for 10 minutes on what he subject is, what I was going to contribute and what I wanted to take-away. 

I think with images. I draw a imaginary thought bubble to people's faces when I need to remember something they said. I like to draw when I think. That means I am most encouraged to perceive an idea when offered to me in images!

Nice discovery on a supposedly long weekend (uni students don't have anything called weekend/ long weekend..) 

Casteism vs Patriotism

I started writing this as a comment and realized it needed to become a post. Thank you Krishna! I love your post. Funnily, I have been pondering about this same question over the past few weeks.

Having a surname that some suppose only tambrahm's should possess, I have been asked the same question too many times. 'Iyer ah'? While I don't understand how Lord Murugan's name supposedly earned certain exclusive rights over the centuries, I also don't understand if caste and such should be important.

Many a conversation has passed with friends about how caste is a big deal in our country. I have a good friend who once talked about marrying a girl only if she was from his same caste. It shocked me, his thinking. At that time I judged it and said 'how narrow-minded'. 

Like Krishna rightly pointed out in her post, I am a proud Indian. Every conversation I have features India and my passion for my country. 

One fine day though, I put two and two together. If it is narrow-minded to be passionate about your caste, what is it to be passionate about your country? Isn't it just an extended form of passion for your roots? I am simply covering more demographics than him.

I don't judge him anymore. I am glad he has his preferences while I have mine too! I think patriotism is just an extended form of narrow-mindedness, if I may. And like Krishna said 'Ellarum maanushya jaati' (Every man is from the human caste)

I am not going to change my view on patriotism. I am not going to give up my Indian passport and declare myself to be a citizen of the world. I am simply going to stop judging patriotism - in any form. 

PS: This post ofcourse does not deal with all the injustice and favouritism that happens in India under the pretension of casteism. Having personal preferences is one thing; perpetuating it is another. 

Nokia phones

I was (and still am) an ardent fan of simplistic-old-fashioned-mobile phones for just one reason.

They work.
Always.

I was reading a news article about how the Nokia shares rose 9% despite their 969m euros quarterly loss and went down a spiral of thoughts on old mobile phones. My dad always used a Nokia phone when mobile phones started entering the Indian market. I cherish the days I used to play Snake on it! And when I was 15, I got my very own Noia phone. Many dear and close-to-heart memories with that phone.

The term good mobile phone has gained new meaning these days. I have spoken to iPhone users, Samsung users and everyone else - any smart phone that lasts one year is a good phone.

The days of buying a mobile phone and keeping it for a couple of years is getting close to non-existence. I have blogged about old phones here before. They are issue-less and they get to the point. They are built with quality and durability. They are trust-worthy. I wonder if and when smart phones will achieve that level of technological development.

Going back to an old fashioned phone. It is something I aspire to do someday. Like all the other things I aspire to do and don't. Like how I want to study 5 hours a day and eat only at meal times and reduce fat in my body and spend more time painting and sleeping.

Dad's first Nokia - It's design is still classy!

My first Nokia - Thanks for a lovely two years you. I miss those days. 

New Music High

I love discovering songs. I am sure you do too!

Just a couple of days back I found the perfect song to lift my moods up and help me focus - It's time by Imagine Dragons.

I don't over do the song. Just one listen when I need it. Like a Panadol before the threat of a fever (Though I must warn you that I don't ever take a Panadol before/during/after a fever because I don't believe in taking medicines for trifles - just a metaphor).

Ofcourse my all time favourite inspiring song is All the right moves by OneRepublic. Listen to it on repeat when you need some thoughtful powerful music!

#4 - Inter-cultural differences and what we can do?

'I don't understand why we are arguing about this. What is happening in India does not concern you in anyway, does it?'

'That's the solution, isn't it? It does not concern us, why bother about it. I need some time alone, I'll see you later Jay..'

'Pri don't be silly..' Priya was already out of the room.

Jess and Priya met two years back at the freshman inauguration ceremony. Jess had made it half hour earlier to the venue being the punctual pedant she was and Priya was 5 minutes late being the nonchalant realist. They were seated next to each other and they started talking. The conversation that day between two opposite characters turned into a friendship built on trust and affection.

-- 

Today they were sitting in Jess’s room when Priya read something out aloud- Religious activists were hunting down unmarried couples in public places in India and forcing them to either marry or declare kinship. These groups violently attacked the public claiming they had lost their culture and were imitating the west. This incident was not the first of its kind. Just a month ago, a mob entered a resort and physically attacked a party that included women. They took the law in their hands and believed that they were bringing India's original culture back into the society by ruthlessly stopping the teenagers from having fun.

Jess for one did not understand why Priya bothered herself with these issues. She did not understand why someone who was so realistic about everything else, let this particular issue affect her. 'I think you worry about this too much. What do you think you can do? They'll find a way to punish the offenders'

It boiled Priya's blood to know of the animosity it was causing in the society. Her parents taught her a lot about religion, culture and values and feet were firm in her principles. However the exposure she got through education and life outside India opened her up for acceptance and appreciation of other belief systems. 'It is not their right to forcefully inflict a said-culture. Culture is up to the person who carries it. Inter-cultural differences can be solved by accepting one another, not through violence. The society needs such broad-mindedness for growth'

She was also mad at Jess for not understanding her place.

-- 

They hadn't spoken for 2 weeks. Jess felt terrible. Priya was never the kind to ignore; she would always come running back even after an argument. So to make up, Jess read up on the issue. She tried to understand why this was important for Priya. She had heard all of her opinions on the matter. She put her writing skills to use and created a blog. One that addressed Intercultural harmony and ways to achieve it through effective communication.

She knocked on Priya's door. 'Hi Pri, before you say anything I have to show you something' She opened up the blog. 'I think you and I should write on this. We can publicize the issue among students and expand from there. Let's do our part by educating people on showing empathy for differences'

Priya hugged Jess. This is why she needed her.

2102012

Today's date is a palindrome!

Ah the minuscule joys of life..

Memory techniques

One ones are one
One twos are two
One threes are three

I am sure you started thinking of the time your primary school math teacher grilled multiplication tables into your head.

I was trying to remember a particular multiplication table the other day. I couldn't do a good job of it. It was 7 tables. And somehow 7 tables never stuck. From then until now. Something else always stuck though. Any guesses?

9 tables. It seemed to make more sense than the others. Apart from that, a grandmother's recipe to get to the table is to open up your ten fingers; have a starting point. I like to keep it on my left most finger - thumb. Start counting from that as one. Now for the technique. If you want to find 7 times 9, you close the 7th finger. The count on the left is the first number of the answer and the count on the right is the last. There you go!

I realized very few people know of/use this method. They just remember. Memory has never been my strongest point. So I have resort to measures like this.

Some others I always rely on are WE for West and East. I had a tough time keeping them in the right place until a teacher suggested I remember it as West and East. WE.

How do you know if a month has 30 or 31 days. Knuckles. Fold your left hand into a fist. Count the knuckles and the depressions for your answer. The knuckle bone is your 31 days and the depression in between two knuckles is 30 days. It even takes into account that July and August have 31 days consecutively.

We had diaries for our school. When you open any page you land in a week. The left page has three days and the right page has four. Even today three years after graduation I refer to that pattern to count days in between dates!

I am glad to have chanced upon these quirks! 

Art, for change

A friend posted Mallika Sarabhai's TED talk on Facebook today. A late saturday morning could not have been more inspiring!

With all the talk about Changing The World, I have often wondered how I can contribute. I have spent hours thinking about my capacities and bringing them to good use. Sarabhai's talk gives a bit of hope. Her innocuous questions about the bigger scheme of things our leaders chalk up and how it affects a basic need of the masses makes you think twice about what we are doing everyday at work.

We can't all drop our lives and take up justice as our motto. That's fair enough. However, what we can do is attribute a part of our schedule towards a cause. Planting a seed is all I ask for. You could write about your opinions on social change, discuss your ideas on the numerous social platforms we are part of, go to an NGO and meet these people who need a helping hand, tell your kids stories about injustice and inspire them to think of the right way, use your talent to make your point. It's just planting a seed in the minds of your kin.

Little drops of water make a mighty ocean. 

Pain

"Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place"

Listening to trees

“When we have learned how to listen to trees, then the brevity and the quickness and the childlike hastiness of our thoughts achieve an incomparable joy.”

-Hermann Hesse

I read this quote a couple of days back and it was sitting on my mind till today morning. How do you listen to trees? What does that feel like?

I was walking along a road that had dense canopy early today. The thought of listening to trees  jumped up and made me curious. Now that I was among these guys, I could try listening. Maybe the ignorance of a defined process is part of the learning. 

I sat among the trees and looked. I switched off the radio on my phone. I took a moment to place myself in the scene. The passage I had read earlier ran through my mind. Highlights of Hesse's words came alive. As they buzzed around I think I realised a tiny bit of what he meant. 

The trees seemed strong and sure. I saw myself agreeing to everything I read. 

Nature has a great way of assuring us, trusting in us and giving us hope. I went through a meditative calmness while I tried to focus on what I saw and heard. 

I felt like I truly lived in the moment those 10 minutes. 

Source for Hesse's words: Brain Pickings

Is extreme pragmatism essential for success?

A wisp of discussion wafted in our Communication class yesterday - about pragmatic people and their successful lives. I have always wondered about pragmatism in its most extensive form.

I have role-models who lead extremely cautious and careful lives. They plan and weigh their every move. They frame a question of essentiality over each problem and choose their options after answering that question. They know how to contain their lust. They know where to put their money. They know how to spend their time. They know whom to talk to. All these scenarios are chosen after answering the question of relevance, significance and importance to them.

I look up to these people in awe. Know that I am referring only to a certain type of people I have personally met and am not judging successful people in general. Sure, there are successful people who live lavish lives.

Jane Austen and Tom Lefroy did not get together. I personally think it was because she refused to be pragmatic. She refused to see the good their union would have done to her. She instead chose to be generous about the man she loved and let him go for what she believed to be the greater good. (They did turn out to be very successful in their separate careers though)

Focusing the light this discussion throws on me - I have analysed my decisions and attitude towards things. I have realised that I am not that realistic. I tend to be more on the side of optimism and hope. I like to believe that it will all turn out to be good. Does that mean I am not realistic?

I tend to work for what I think I want, even if it isn't the most realistic of thoughts. I have been doing quite well with that attitude, so far. However, I pause to think if it is good for my future. I am not going to be under my parents shadow forever. I am not going to stay in university where exams turn up only every 4 months and that's that. I am not going to be in this shell.

I am going to be surprised, pleasantly or nastily. I am stepping into uncertainty like never before. Will being more realistic be my armor against the 'Big Bad World'? Will being more realistic help me become more successful? Should I continue to dream a dream?

I am sure the answer is to find a middle ground. That's always the answer.

Balance.
Between dreams and sense.

I guess I am still trying to understand the extent of pragmatism I must embed into my outlook. I am still trying to figure how exactly I would be one. I am still trying to relate this outlook to success.

Spinning back on to the track

I have been heavy mentally, since last week. Too many issues to sort out. The problem in such a case is that I tend to get stuck on without moving forward.

I wasted last weekend without much progress on my work. As a result an eerie sense of irritation and feeling of dissatisfaction creeps into my mind. These two ghosts fog the head and are enemies of productivity, I have come to realize.

Today is the time I find a way around that. I took a paper and pen and put down my problems. I listed down the simplest possible to-dos for each case. And viola! Its amazing how an activity like that brings clarity to the mind. I know exactly what my worries are. I know the exact path to solving those problems.

It's very easy to get bogged down by the amount of work we have. Breaking things down makes things clearer and cleans the air around possible uncertainty. I am unwinding now for a while, with my favourite pakodas and some sewing to refresh my mind.

Back to list after!

Queueing in MRT Stations!

I was getting into the Kent ridge mrt, when I witnessed something amazing. People were queueing up outside the mrt doors on either side to get in. I was at awe. How does this country make it work?! No really.

If you have read my previous blog posts you are sure to know of my love for the order in this country. How they let it permeate into every strata of the society still impresses me.

Like the men say, 'Some how some way, things just work here'. Even if its just in one station. I am sure it will spread far and wide.

This blog post was waiting in my Evernote from last saturday! To my surprise I saw a post from the Singapore Kindness Movement about these sort of queues in a lot more stations.

Most of us take the MRT on a regular basis. The count of complain among the commuters about crowded stations and hence rude passengers is increasing to no end. An initiative like this is a light at the end of the tunnel. Let LTA work on its transportation management plans. In the meantime, let us try and make the best of the situation.

Way to go, Singapore! Proud :) 

#2 - Growing up and learning values..

My parents were very strict in their upbringing of my brother and me. Going to a school with kids who were freer to do what they wished did not help either. I was at war in the battlefield with my mum literally every other day in high school!

I came back from school one day wanting to go on a trip with a couple of friends. It was an adventure camp organized by a very prestigious institution. It was supposed to be three days of activities and a day of travelling back and forth. I was very keen on going for this trip for two reasons. Firstly, I would get to spend time with my friends and try my hand at some activities. Secondly, it would give me a sound recognition when I applied for colleges the next year!

My parents refused to let me go. They did not provide me with sufficient reasoning for their decision. They simply stated that it would not be the right thing to do at that point in time, when I was in the middle of exams.

With my parents and me being on the two opposite ends of the scale we had to find middle ground. I had to make them understand what that trip meant to me. They had to make me understand what their concern was. The situation needed some empathy.

That day we argued and I ended up getting impatient with them. I was not getting things my way and they were able to make me listen to them. They agreed to let me go half-heartedly after I threw a tantrum. The situation was ugly and we ended up hurting each other – simply because we did not express ourselves effectively.

I could have listed down my pros and cons. They could have brought up their concerns and dealt with them one by one. Do you think that would have been effective? What could we have done differently?

(Edited / 11 September 2012)