Just be, just me

I'll be just me

Just
Me

Usually,
Sambhar lover
Ambitious dreamer
Righteous principle-er
Thinline doodler
Catch phraser
Colour shopper
Pattern maker
Dream catcher
Loud blabber

Recently,
Indie junky
Harem funky
Control monky

So I'll just be
Just me

A Good Helping of Nostalgia

Little things that don't seem to matter today, somehow become the milestones of tomorrow. I don't remember any memory markers fixing themselves inside my head when I had curd rice and curry for lunch, at home. I don't even remember telling myself "This is heaven, you will probably find this hard to chance upon in future", whenever I had yummy food.

Just yesterday, I was recollecting to my friends about how it had been ages since I ate with my hands. There is an old saying my grandmother used to often recollect at mealtimes. I don't remember the exact words, but it goes along the lines of "Eating with your hands makes the food even yummier". Rushed, salted, hoteled versions of the same food mom makes at home - is never suitable for eating with hands. Or so I tell myself. It's mostly utensil dining. Spoons, Forks, and Knives lead the way to the mouth. Not primitive Hands. They are just followers or second-fiddles in the journey.

Today, I walked down to the canteen to grab a box of curry and rice. I came back to my room and switched-on Best of Phoebe Buffay on YouTube. As I unwrapped my food I realized I could actually sit down on the floor, spread my foil, and get my Hands to work; to lead the way. And that is exactly what I did.

And man, that felt like heaven--all over again. I remembered every meal I ate at home and all those memories came back with no special markers. They were just memories from another day, in the past.

Moments like these have the power to recharge you and boost the depleted willpower account for the day. And that is exactly what I needed.

And for special perks - my room feels like home with all the smell of food. I am a happy walrus.

It can't be a collection of whatevers

If you're a regular here, you know how much of a slave I am for sincere conversation. Me and two other girl friends were indulging in one, a couple of nights back. We spoke about our lives, our mothers, our dreams, our lessons and our prejudices.

The most important thing that stood out from that night for me, was this - Days can't be collections of whatevers. "For one who does not know to which harbour to sail to, every wind is unfavourable!" Of course we don't know if that is the final destination, but at any point in time we must work towards something.

Yes, process matters at the end of the day. And even that process is directed at a goal! Days are too short to be taken as they come. What is the joy if there isn't a challenge or a struggle or a fight?

I have often anticipated pangs of joy or guilt, if something was to go right or wrong. But every single time, I have been disappointed with my emotions. I have never felt as happy as I thought I'd feel. I have never felt as sad as I thought I'd feel. The process pretty much determines the magnitude of importance of a particular experience. It is in this process, where lies the challenge. And that is why I can't just let it be and that is why I need to keep pushing my game up. 

Should we take a break from technology once in a while?

I was with a bunch of friends earlier today morning, returning from a friend's (new) home. It's Chinese New Year in this part of the world, and almost everyone is taking off to spend time home, with family and friends. Shops are closed, buses are more empty, people are dressed in red, kids are happy to hold their parents hands on a monday morning, aunties are visiting their sweetheart temples, and families are meeting.

Yet, people like us who are away from families and who don't really celebrate the new year, need to be fed. We scampered to get breakfast at a mall and by the time we were done, I was impatient to leave for home. In an impulse, assuming my friends will join me I walked towards the MRT. I even got on the train before looking back to see if they were behind.

That's when I realized they were not around, and interestingly, my phone was out of charge. I could not tell them I was gone. This absence of technology put me in stress for a good 2 minutes. Thankfully, I asked two friendly parents for help, on the MRT, and texted one of my friends. Like the guy nicely put it, "I was feeling like a fugitive" till they were kind enough to let me use their phone. Later, I made conversation with an aunty looking chic in her red dress. She even welcomed me to come back to Singapore, if India was not doing so well in the future.

I was so happy that I made random conversations with people. Normally, I would have been texting or playing SuDoKu - keeping to myself.

My grandfather would make conversation on public transport always. Who even does that anymore? For all you know, you might come off as weird, if you try anything like that. The general buzz in the air this weekend, and this morning especially, makes me think of the real-person-time we spend.

Yes, "There is another person on another train on the other end of the phone", like a friend put it. Yet, I am tempted to imagine a distraction less life. I want to try shutting out technology for an hour atleast every day; instead, spend it with a person. And, make a habit out of it. Let's see!

Burning bridges

I had a very insightful conversation with older and wiser friends yesterday. It got me thinking about relationships and what we do in order to keep them.

I have had a bad history of relationships in my childhood. I am not that kid who is still friends with her first standard class mate. People change, you change, things change. That said I think I learnt a valuable lesson of keeping relationships when I went through a major break up when I was 14. (Sounds extremely silly in retrospect, but that is the point of this post in a way. To value relationships for what they are, when they are!)

Since that drama between 14 year old girls who did not know what they were doing, I have strived harder to be there for someone, to take help from someone, and to keep a relationship with someone.

"Don't let a little dispute, injure a great relationship", goes a buddhist saying.

Burning bridges might not be the best solution at hand. Forgive and forget. If you feel your space has been violated, you don't need to make it up, but you can let it be. Nothing good ever comes out of cutting someone completely out our lives. In this world full of 7 billion people, think of the number of relationships we get to keep. A tiny meagre number.

I have tried burning the bridge and staying reachable. I can say with my heart on a plate that the second technique makes me a happier person. What else are we here for anyway?

Today, it is a reminder to myself; to keep forgiving and forgetting; to keep the path boulder-free. I will be at the other end of the stick and I would need the same treatment from someone. A chance!

Thanks to some wonderful and not-so-kind people I have met over all these years. Every one of you has given me love and lessons. 

#8 Designing a composition

We move on to Elements of Composition from today!

Writing a love letter is different from writing a casual essay, which is different from writing something organised. It is essential for the author to think of the shape of the writing before we begin. In this tiny paragraph, I have introduced the topic for the day, moved on to describing my point and then finished it off with an explanation/example.

It is quite easy to get lost in the writing, as I have often felt in the middle. However, taking time to think of the structure, putting it down and then writing a composition on this foundation works wonders!

#7 Participial phrase rule

Not

Being the only son of the house, she won all of his family's love. 

Instead

Being the only son of the house, his family's love was won by her. 

--

I realize this mistake is something very common, when I think about it now. You will realize that something is wrong with the statement, but find it tough to point out the mistake. Today, there was gyan!

#6 Using period inappropriately

Not -

The beach was crowded with little kids. Playing with their kites. 
The marathon was a success. Seeing participation from people all over the country. 

Instead -

The beach was crowded with little kids, playing with their kites. 
The marathon was a success, seeing participation from people all over the country. 

You can use it to stress on expression though.

She moved into the darkness. Swiftly. 

Mobius loop of self-perception and behaviour

My favorite is the idea that people become what they do. This explanation of how people acquire attitudes and traits dates back to the philosopher Gilbert Ryle, but was formalized by the social psychologist Daryl Bem in his self-perception theory. People draw inferences about who they are, Bem suggested, by observing their own behavior.

Self-perception theory turns common wisdom on its head. … Hundreds of experiments have confirmed the theory and shown when this self-inference process is most likely to operate (e.g., when people believe they freely chose to behave the way they did, and when they weren't sure at the outset how they felt).

Self-perception theory is an elegant in its simplicity. But it is also quite deep, with important implications for the nature of the human mind. Two other powerful ideas follow from it. The first is that we are strangers to ourselves. After all, if we knew our own minds, why would we need to guess what our preferences are from our behavior? If our minds were an open book, we would know exactly how honest we are and how much we like lattes. Instead, we often need to look to our behavior to figure out who we are. Self-perception theory thus anticipated the revolution in psychology in the study of human consciousness, a revolution that revealed the limits of introspection.

But it turns out that we don't just use our behavior to reveal our dispositions—we infer dispositions that weren't there before. Often, our behavior is shaped by subtle pressures around us, but we fail to recognize those pressures. As a result, we mistakenly believe that our behavior emanated from some inner disposition.

--

I read this amazing paragraph written by psychologist Timothy Wilson. We are what we do. It is a very strong explanation that teaches us how to become, what we want to become. Amy Cuddy's explanation on faking it till you make it also comes to my mind. When you want to become something, tell your brain about it. Act it out. You are faking it, but coaching your brain, at the same time. Be at it constantly, regularly - one fine day, you will become it. 

Original article source

A Woman of Substance

I love stories of strong-willed women. It gives me the hope that I can indeed leave a mark on earth. This movie is about a young yorkshire kitchen maid, Emma Harte, in the late 1890s creating her fortune and building her business empire.

The movie starts with her hard work as a maid and shows her using hatred as the feed for her success in life - hatred against the world, hatred that she was never a part of gentry. She transforms that into manure for her life. She yearns to become rich and build a fortress around her and her dear ones.

Looks like it is true that you need to feel like an outcast to make it big. I was watching Obama speak earlier in the day, in an interview with Ellen, before he became the president. He said, "I have been motivated because I feel I have been an underdog, I am not likely to be here; you don't find that many presidential candidates named Barack Obama..."

Many surprising twists in the story for a strong willed woman. You can see how she loses control over her marital life now and then. I guess every story has a two sides. The good and the bad. The right and the wrong. She succeeded in one part of her life by giving up in some others. I guess you need to "Judge success by what you have given up". 

The movie even threw light on human greed, when her children get too ambitious and forget their mother's sacrifice. Emma Harte was a brave, smart and willed woman. The movie ends with her saying, "I hope my grandchildren discover the secret of life - To endure"

Mrs Dalloway

A recent way of doing things has been recording them. Memories are rarely etched graphically forever. I realized how I had forgotten tiny details of a lot of things from the past, over time. I am not one of those people who remembers events to their minute details and speaks of them elaborately even after 10 years. And in retrospect it would have been nice to remember these things.

I watch a lot of movies. Good ones. Bad ones. Tardy ones. Wanton ones. I have vowed to write reviews and after thoughts on my blog. It helps to revisit these memories!

Mrs Dalloway. I am addicted to victorian age movies. BBC is to blame for the most part. I enjoy the absolutely detailed and specific lives of old english men, the grandeur of living and dressing of english women, the dedication of the housekeepers, the strong human emotions and relationships of the characters. Or atleast the portrayal of these.

It was amusing to see Mrs Dalloway pick her groom. It made me think of the things we assume we want from a relationship, which turn into things we wish we never wished for. 'Not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck', goes a Buddhist saying.

Sally goes, 'You may think me sentimental, but I have come to believe that the only thing worth saying is what you feel'. In reply, Peter goes, 'Well I don't know what I feel... I know that I loved her once and that it stayed with me all my life and that it coloured everything'. 

And one final lovely dialogue, 'What does the brain matter, compared to the heart'. 

Re-watch: Oh yes!

Don't take the first NO

Learnings come in simple little moments; like one subtle wisp of fragrance in your breath.

I got a rejection from an institution yesterday. While the details of the story are not essential, what stuck was a wiser friend's words. 'Don't take the first No'. I have never been good at pushing my way through. I am a staunch believer in what I deserve.

Lately, I have come to realize that, that belief can be blinding. While it is true that I will deserve what I do, it is important for me to ensure that I have provided all the information necessary to the concerned party. This process can be a long one and need not stop with the first exchange.

Let's take a case. I ask Mr A, if he can help me sort out a certain issue. Mr A objects. That's a rejection. The lesson I learnt will ensure I go back to Mr A and give more information about my issue; information that will possibly revoke his interest.

In essence, I will refuse to take the first No. What's the harm in trying, anyway?

#5 Dealing with independent clauses

Bhargav's stories are awe-inspiring; they are based on real life experiences. 

Use a semicolon to separate independent clauses. It is okay to use a full stop as well.

Bhargav's stories are awe-inspiring. They are based on real life experiences. 

One can use the colon to introduce a stop that is less obvious than a full stop. When these clauses are joined by conjunctions, one must stick to a comma. If it is joined by a adverb, go back to semicolon.

John has always been on time; besides, its raining heavily today. 

When the clauses are short and in a flow of tone - it would be an exception to this rule.

Man proposes, God disposes.

#4 Use comma before a conjunction

The tides are high this evening, and I don't feel like talking a walk on the shore. 

Sheila is anxious about her results, but she knows it will all work out. 

However, you don't use comma when the and is connecting something close or immediate. Like..

Take the medicines and drink some water. 

#3 Commas for parenthetic expressions

Seema's exhibition, which was held early May, was awarded the Best Show of the Year prize.

The car, you drove last summer, has just been repaired again. 

--

There is a whole lot of rules for this one about parenthetic phrases - phrases which break the flow, dates, abbreviations like Jr. in names, and nonrestrictive clauses. Essentially, we add commas when the phrase gives new information that can be a separate sentence. 

#2 Use comma to separate three or more terms

Aarti, Akshaya, and Dhanya

Painting, Singing, and Dancing

--

This is a HUGE learning for me because I always write - Aarti, Akshaya and Dhanya. I could have sworn that was the only way to do until this minute.. Well.

#1 Form the possessive singular of nouns by adding 's

1) Follow the rule whatever the consonant.
Greeves's dog
Louis's coat
Exceptions - Ancient proper names (Ex: Jesus, Moses) and words such as conscience

2) Pronominal possessives such as hers, yours, its, theirs and ours are exceptions as well. However indefinite pronouns use apostrophe.
One's game
No one else's bag

3) It's vs Its - It's is a contraction, meaning "it is". Its is a possessive.

PS: Starting today I will be blogging a series of grammar lessons from 'The Elements of Style". The aim is to improve my writing/grammar skills.  

On Men and making a Living

Sherwood Anderson sent the following letter to his 17 year old son in 1927. I was amazed at how his thoughts on men and the world still applied. A very hearty letter.. 

--

The best thing, I dare say, is first to learn something well so you can always make a living. Bob seems to be catching on at the newspaper business and has had another raise. He is getting a good training by working in a smaller city. As for the scientific fields, any of them require a long schooling and intense application. If you are made for it nothing could be better. In the long run you will have to come to your own conclusion.

The arts, which probably offer a man more satisfaction, are uncertain. It is difficult to make a living.

If I had my own life to lead over I presume I would still be a writer but I am sure I would give my first attention to learning how to do things directly with my hands. Nothing gives quite the satisfaction that doing things brings.

Above all avoid taking the advice of men who have no brains and do not know what they are talking about. Most small businessmen say simply – 'Look at me.' They fancy that if they have accumulated a little money and have got a position in a small circle they are competent to give advice to anyone.

Next to occupation is the building up of good taste. That is difficult, slow work. Few achieve it. It means all the difference in the world in the end.

I am constantly amazed at how little painters know about painting, writers about writing, merchants about business, manufacturers about manufacturing. Most men just drift.

There is a kind of shrewdness many men have that enables them to get money. It is the shrewdness of the fox after the chicken. A low order of mentality often goes with it.

Above all I would like you to see many kinds of men at first hand. That would help you more than anything. Just how it is to be accomplished I do not know. Perhaps a way may be found. Anyway, I'll see you this summer. We begin to pack for the country this week.

With love,

Dad.

What can I do?

Every time I come back home (Chennai, India) it is an emotional high. I am taken over by the pull family and close ties exercise, the patriotism which puts my thinking into a defensive mode, the restlessness which makes me pause, the ache of living so far away from home and the urge to inspire change.

The past few days have been grueling on any woman's soul in my country. And yes I consciously say woman. I have heard many a harsh word from some men and I have decided to keep them out of my opinion.

There are so many thoughts floating in my head right now. They are bursting to come out and flood the streets. The thoughts of what must have happened when she got caught, how she must have reacted, how they would have forced her and how they would have tortured her is killing me. What was it that those men wanted? What was so important that they had the audacity to torture another human being? A million questions are hitting the walls of my self and asking me to look for answers.

And the most important question of them all, what can I do? A close friend and I were talking about India and what we can do to make things better. We hit upon a realization - mothers are in many ways the sources of wealth for the country. They educate their kids with their every thought, word and action - consciously and unconsciously. If your mother taught you to respect women, you will.

Like how the answer to everything in life almost always lies within, the answer to this problem does as well. We women must teach our family and our kids, respect. We must teach them to be humane.

I ask the women of my country to look on their left and right. Does your father respect women? Does your brother hold his girl friends in regard? Does your family know humanity? If you think not, talk to them. Make this your own problem. Make this your mission. We would never have to cry for another lost daughter. 

Incredulity of flights

We are very close to being able to fly individually as a way of commute. I am surprised we haven't seen instruments to fly as a single traveller (Imagine the jetpacks, that featured in The Jetsons show) what with a century of flying already.

I was on my flight home last night to Chennai, India. It never fails to amaze me - the fact that a huge vehicle that looks like a bird carrying 200 people and their lives in suitcases, travels in the air at 30000 feet across the realm of time.

It is so simple yet so wondrous. Flights that make the man next to me so restless that he can't close his eyes for even a wink of sleep, flights that get the woman to jump with joy when her phone rings as soon as we landed in Chennai, flights that feed the kid's head with innocent questions about fellow passengers and window seats, flights that make an 80 years old couple fly and flights that change lives.

I was in awe for a couple of moments just after take off thinking about all this.

I'll leave you with a great song that immediately comes to mind when I say airplane.