#12 - Self developmental books

Appa was a fan of self developmental books in his formative years. I have gotten the chance to glimpse at a few in the book shelf. He never forced them on me but I remember reading his copy of You Can Win by Shiv Khera, as a little girl. I remember enjoying the story snippets in the book.

What began there remained a genre I would consult with occasionally through out school days. I was but a small fan. An older friend pulled me into the wide web of non-fictional books once I started university. It was one of the very first things he inducted me into. And to this day I am grateful for that! 

He is a voracious reader and his interest served proof for what I can get out of this genre. He made me deal cash for failing to complete one book a month. The flame of the deal died out eventually, but the habit stayed. 

I average on one book a month even these days. The thought inspiring learnings have helped shape a lot of my habits and behaviour. While it is impossible to follow everything these books teach you, it is important to understand that's not the goal of reading. The goal is widening your horizon and learning. It makes you ponder more than anything else. It makes you question what you are doing. It makes you question why you are doing it. 

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#13 - Reckless abandon

'Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon'

I looked up reckless abandon when I first read this. The phrase means - to do something without caring about the consequences.

It truly hit me that day.

Giving without expecting getting. Loving without expecting love. Being there without expecting someone there for you. Even cooking without expecting good taste. They are all very very tough to do.

As human beings we are creatures who expect and who reciprocate. These two concepts are not built on foundations of reckless abandon. It is a great practice nevertheless. I have mustered the courage once in a blue moon to love and give without expecting return. And in those very few times I have practiced this approach, I have received the same reckless abandon from someone else.

It's not hard to see what this change in attitude can bring to this world. I guess we need deeper reasons to stick to it though. Reasons only we can find within ourselves.

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#14 - Sincerity

If you know me you know I am loyal (only to the causes I believe in of course). A word is a word and I have to keep to it.

Having principles is one thing, keeping to them is another. I made a promise when I left for university - that I would work hard to prove myself worthy. However like a lot of things that I experimented with in the first two years of university, academics was one.

I was always the good kid in school. I did my work on time and studied when I had to. I was not the smartest but I put in a good amount of commitment into my school days. University was the time to let go of that character. I did not study, not even in the last minute. I just did not care. I did not realize what I was letting go off when I decided to neglect academics. All the lovely opportunities NUS offers, flew out of the window without the slightest protest.

I remember telling my friend - 'This is my turn to be careless, how long can I be Ms Goody two shoes?' 
Wrong timing my dear younger self, very wrong timing. You don't realize you are sinking until the water moves through the basement and reaches the first deck. It did in my third year. I looked back at my two years and saw the academically disorganized, non-committal, careless monster I had become. It was time for crisis management.

I took the help of friends and family to be my watchmen. I found sincerity again. I found discipline again. I found commitment again. I found hard work again.

It penetrated into all the facades of my life. Of course.

'How you do anything, is how you do everything'

I have so much more time to do so much more things, productively. The results are slowly but surely showing. I have not reached high performance yet, but I believe I will. Soon enough at least. This time I know I am on the path.

Losing sincerity and finding it again..for good.

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#15 - Thanking people

It simply creates good vibes. In your senses by feeling grateful, in the receiver's senses for being recognized.

We are socially dependent creatures who love expressing ourselves. In the process of this interaction, one thing we look for is recognition and acceptance. The greatest fear is the fear of rejection by the community isn't it?

It's easy to say everyone is satisfying their duty by doing their part. There have been times when I did the same but felt like getting some assurance by those around me. Yes we know, in the ideal world - we must muster up our self-confidence and do what makes us happy without expecting the world to approve of it. And yes we also know that ideal state is imaginary.

Executing this learning started with thanking random people like shopkeepers and bus drivers. At one point I was ready to thank friends and family. I don't believe in not thanking friends and family, a thank-you makes anyone's day brighter!

I have though what I think is a peculiar problem. What I am yet to do is make eye-contact while thanking people. The percentage of times I make eye-contact is negligible. I wonder why this is a problem - is there a deep psychological issue underlying this behaviour?

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#16 - Keeping in touch

Keeping in touch is an art.

I was talking about gracing different paths and about letting go, yesterday. I have realized that while we do that it is easy to forget to keep in touch. Today, I recount the importance of keeping in touch. A good friend moved countries for his job and it was from his efforts I slowly picked up the ropes of keeping in touch. We take relationships for granted and lose the closeness over a while coz we were just too busy to keep in touch. Yes there are other reasons for friendships to not last, but we shouldn't overlook this one. 

This has been a huge learning with respect to friends from school. In the first year of university we were talking every other day and a lot of conversations were happening every where. The curve turned down, the circle closed up and slowly dwindled to the closest of friends. 

While situations and outlooks change, a part of the soul and the memories remain. If we were friends once we can always be friends. I believe in so much. It is only a matter of whether you choose to be. It takes a lot of effort and a lot of courage. 

I hope to strive to keep this learning close!

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#17 - Letting go

A lesson hard learnt.

I have wondered why Amma was reluctant to let me move countries for university. I simply did not understand why it was so hard for her to let me be, to let me go. Its been three years since and we have both gotten better at letting go.

It is not just people I refer to here. It is the act of letting go I talk of. Of things. Of incidents. Of attachments. Of people. As well. I had a tough time letting go of my room at home, watching meaningless television as soon as I woke up, enjoying the terrace breeze, watering plants, spying on neighbours, having food at my beck and call, having private transport, having a brother who is your second hand, the security of home, the support of parents and the variety of family around.

The first things that come to mind are memories around home. Well, that is the biggest thing I have had to let go!

I learnt to let go because that is the way it should be. We all begin our journeys at a place but that is just the beginning. As the days roll by we find different routes and explore our options. More often than not our support systems can't accompany us on these journeys because hey, they are on their own journeys too. You learn to let it go and let it be. If it is meant to be, it will!

'Whisper words of wisdom, let it be, let it be..'

A wonderful song by the best ever band on earth.

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#18 - Being true to myself

Living alone, you are often left to ponder on your judgements and make decisions by yourself. You are the CEO. The board of directors sometimes extends to close friends. 

In such a setting, I have come to learn the importance of holding ground on my principles. It has been so easy to give in to change and peer pressure. And I think I have given in once or twice. At times like those I try to remember,

'When you lose, don't lose the lesson.'

It has been important to me to hold on to my conscience. The example my parents set for believing in values, is tough to ignore. They inspire it in me to try holding on to my own foundations. And whenever I step out of the line too much, I hear Amma's unerring voice in my head reminding me of what I actually want,

and helping me be true to myself.. 

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#6 - Learning to be a team mate

My biggest learning from ES2007S(a module at university) was working in teams. I used to be someone who was very comfortable working on a project by myself. I liked to do things my way and it was very tough for me to trust someone else with that. While this technique might provide success when I work on my art, it is an impediment to learning in university.

I had long realized the repercussions of my preference and it was time to learn otherwise. I have worked in teams these past three years of course. While they have taught me the benefits of team work in their own little ways, none of them truly gave me the spirit of working in teams. We would split the work between ourselves and put it all together in the end. Engineering gives you that much freedom.

However in ES2007S right from day one, I was put in teams and forced to work with others. It helped me get out of my shell and understand what team work truly means. I understood the benefits of brainstorming and talking through ideas with my team mates. I saw how each one of us throws an unique light on the subject and how our understanding of the same issue varies.

Initially, I was skeptical of whether my interactions would prove useful. As a result I would give only my reserved opinion and instead listened to what was going on, most of the time. Two group works into the module, I felt the usefulness of listening and was slowly getting ready to share my opinions as well. What was tough with taking criticism, turned into putting the constructive feedback to thought and subsequently action.

I can now say in truth that I believe in team work. I understand the dynamics of it. I understand how respecting everyone's opinions matters and how it can be most useful in coming to a solution. I understand how the foundations of group work lie on strong principles of communication and interaction.

Thank you class, for being most helpful in teaching me a lesson. And thank you Brad, for letting us discover the usefulness of conversation. 

#19 - Kindness in speech

I am blunt and straight forward, I don't walk around the park (usually). This tendency makes me look like a person who is unkind. Someone who does not care for the other party's feelings.

I am working on it. I honestly am. My candor has reduced by huge amounts. I resist my strong urge to argue with anyone who believes in something absolutely atrocious. I resist the urge to give them a piece of my mind. I don't want to enforce my opinion on anyone, these days. My opinion shall be mine and shall guide only my judgement.

While that is one part of the agenda the other is to improve on kindness. I find people who don't give their opinion decidedly to be the people who are good at getting things done (It is a very superficial connection, I have drawn and a very debatable one too). And because of their reservation, these are people who look kind on first look. I can never be that person. If you stick around long enough you'll eventually find these people to be indifferent or nonchalant, though.

I can't be reserved, but I want to be kind. I want to be kinder when I disagree. I want to agreeably disagree. They say it is a great skill if you know how to work it! I want to be able to listen and understand where they come from. I want to show them I care. And I want to tell them what I think. Sounds simple, doesn't it? Try arguing with someone with these things in mind. And you'll see what a challenge it is! I get so carried away in the argument I fail to show my concern (often).

'Panniva anba pesu' 
(Speak with humility and kindness) 

The number of times Amma stresses on this aspect of speech is countless till this day. I am working on it dee, I promise :)

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#20 - Sacrificing

School never taught me the reality of sacrifice. It was all rosy and sweet smelling. You study three months before board exams. You work really hard these three months and you can get into a good uni. And guess what, I did.

With that image in mind I stepped into uni. Hey, that strategy no longer works. I learnt that the hard way in my first year here. It was uni that taught me sacrifice and put me through all hell to understand the concept. With respect to academics and otherwise.

I like any other girl wish for every good to happen in my day! Slowly but surely I learnt that every thing good does not happen in your life every day. Heh, who am I kidding.

One door will close on you if you want another to open. You ought to choose what you want and you ought to give up on something to get this. Animate or inanimate. Every thing in this world has an opportunity cost. It is how much we want something that matters.

'Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.' 

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#21 - Forgiving

History holds many an example for the values of forgiving; for the greatness of forgiving.

'Forgiving does not make the person who hurt you feel better, it makes you feel better'

Ever since I learnt the importance of this act I have tried to practice it. It's been tough; but I am getting there. Not everything works the way we wish it to. Not everything works according to Plan A. That's the whole point of having 25 other alphabets.

Why do we need to forgive? It helps get past the issue. Why did this issue arise? There was a gap between expectation and reality. How did this gap get created? There was a difference in the amounts of information known. It's as simple as that. I am amazed at how the difference in information available to different parties can be the cause of many trivial emotions in our everyday. Miscommunication happens. Arguments happen. That does not mean we should get cross with our friends. I wonder how many people we'll be left with if we punish everyone for thinking and wanting different.

I think my biggest take-away has been to take misunderstandings as a lesson. A friend did not agree with what I said? A friend said/did something that hurt in order to protect their interest? I choose to forgive them. Forgive them and tell them you did so because you care for them much more than a simple misunderstanding.

I feel good when I do get past the hard iron bubble of giving in. I feel good when I get past the issue. I feel good that I chose to be the bigger person. For all I know, they forgave me too!

I wish this learning to stay for life. I will strive to work on it.

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#5 - Oral Presentation

Preparation
Goal - Internalize the material; give three take-aways for the audience to remember
Result - Drew more on story; stressed less on the points

Our research project about Singapore being a 'City of Art' was a topic I very deeply felt about and that gave me a natural push to be motivated about this topic which helped a lot in my preparation. During the delivery itself, I inclined towards the story and set-up the mood for the rest of the presentation.
--

Delivery
Goal - Reduce speed of speech delivery; speak effectively
Result - Succeeded with the speed; could have been more cheerful

As a habit, I tend to speak faster than what one would consider a slower pace. I have been feed-backed on this by my wonderful classmates in my peer teaching session and I took this opportunity to work on my speed. My team members and I had decided to be as formal as we can. That ended up looking grave to the audience and that is my biggest regret of the day. I still hope that the effectiveness of delivery was not compromised on.
--

Use of slides
Goal - Don't use slides as a support for speech but rather to illustrate speech
Result - Succeeded with slides

As for the slides, the HBR article that appeared on my reader feed became an excellent source of information of how I should tone and arrange them. I tried to switch between reality and hope for future as much as I could.
--

In all, I walked out of the room feeling good about my presentation for the day. I really wish that I smiled a little bit though. While I was making eye contact with the audience I kept wondering why everyone was serious. I recollect noticing a trace of smile on Tasha and Brad, occasionally.

This question was a HUGE bubble in my head until Brad popped it and told me how I was extremely serious when I spoke. I understood that it was my death-stare that provoked the seriousness among the audience. Theory of reciprocity eh?

How do we fall in love?

You don’t fall in love like you fall in a hole. You fall like falling through space. It’s like you jump off your own private planet to visit someone else’s planet. And when you get there it all looks different: the flowers, the animals, the colours people wear. It is a big surprise falling in love because you thought you had everything just right on your own planet, and that was true, in a way, but then somebody signalled to you across space and the only way you could visit was to take a giant jump. Away you go, falling into someone else’s orbit and after a while you might decide to pull your two planets together and call it home. And you can bring your dog. Or your cat. Your goldfish, hamster, collection of stones, all your odd socks. (The ones you lost, including the holes, are on the new planet you found.)

And you can bring your friends to visit. And read your favourite stories to each other. And the falling was really the big jump that you had to make to be with someone you don’t want to be without. That’s it.

PS You have to be brave.

- Author Jeanette Winterson answers How do we fall in love? on Big Questions from Little People and Simple Answers from Great Minds

I remember more than one conversation with friends about falling in love! We have wondered what it could be, how it works and why it does. We have had a variety of discussions but no outcome was as creative and as simple as this one. 

Whether true or not, thanks to Brain Pickings for putting a smile on my face this morning! 

Support systems

I challenge you to walk on a parapet wall of a ten storeyed building. Will you do it?

I think majority of the respondents to that question will say no. However these respondents would not mind walking on the roof of the same ten storeyed building.

Think about it! We use up 8 inches across for our feet. Let's give it another 4 inches for assurance. Once we have this one foot of path, we should be willing to take the leap of faith.

My mind started linking this need for assurance to the bigger things in life. We always need a support system to achieve something. A stable ground to be confident off. This support system might be human or animate. It could be friends, family, partners, books, pets, places or memories. The support system gives us a feeling of safety and provides the thrust forward.

Today I feel gratitude for everyone and everything that has been part of my support system. I can't explain the wonders a simple 'What's been up' on gtalk, a 'How are you' on Whatsapp or a phone call has done to my day. If I ever did not show my gratitude (which I am sure I have missed at times) please do pardon my hastiness.

PS: I have resolved to illustrate my posts henceforth! Wonder why I never thought of it before.. Anyway, I have now been inspired by a friend who started doing something similar.

How do you think?

Am I a visual thinker or a auditory thinker?

Source

Am I an individual thinker or a group thinker?

Source

This lifehacker article inspired the 2 questions. The author shares some simple questions she asks when faced with the question. It was illustrative enough for a quick answer and I thought I should share it here!

Do you like to understand processes through images? Or do you prefer to read through material? When you see a new product do you rush to read about it? Or do you like to see how it looks? 

Did you prefer studying alone or with a group in uni? After a long day at work would you like to go back home to some books or catchup with your friends?

I realized it is essential to discover these qualities in order to figure out when we are most productive. I think I am 60/40 between individual thinking and group thinking. I like to munch on the ideas by myself before I can have a discussion about it. That said, ideas always take better form in a group when input was formed by various pairs of eyes and ears. This means I like to think ahead before meetings even if its only for 10 minutes on what he subject is, what I was going to contribute and what I wanted to take-away. 

I think with images. I draw a imaginary thought bubble to people's faces when I need to remember something they said. I like to draw when I think. That means I am most encouraged to perceive an idea when offered to me in images!

Nice discovery on a supposedly long weekend (uni students don't have anything called weekend/ long weekend..) 

Casteism vs Patriotism

I started writing this as a comment and realized it needed to become a post. Thank you Krishna! I love your post. Funnily, I have been pondering about this same question over the past few weeks.

Having a surname that some suppose only tambrahm's should possess, I have been asked the same question too many times. 'Iyer ah'? While I don't understand how Lord Murugan's name supposedly earned certain exclusive rights over the centuries, I also don't understand if caste and such should be important.

Many a conversation has passed with friends about how caste is a big deal in our country. I have a good friend who once talked about marrying a girl only if she was from his same caste. It shocked me, his thinking. At that time I judged it and said 'how narrow-minded'. 

Like Krishna rightly pointed out in her post, I am a proud Indian. Every conversation I have features India and my passion for my country. 

One fine day though, I put two and two together. If it is narrow-minded to be passionate about your caste, what is it to be passionate about your country? Isn't it just an extended form of passion for your roots? I am simply covering more demographics than him.

I don't judge him anymore. I am glad he has his preferences while I have mine too! I think patriotism is just an extended form of narrow-mindedness, if I may. And like Krishna said 'Ellarum maanushya jaati' (Every man is from the human caste)

I am not going to change my view on patriotism. I am not going to give up my Indian passport and declare myself to be a citizen of the world. I am simply going to stop judging patriotism - in any form. 

PS: This post ofcourse does not deal with all the injustice and favouritism that happens in India under the pretension of casteism. Having personal preferences is one thing; perpetuating it is another. 

Nokia phones

I was (and still am) an ardent fan of simplistic-old-fashioned-mobile phones for just one reason.

They work.
Always.

I was reading a news article about how the Nokia shares rose 9% despite their 969m euros quarterly loss and went down a spiral of thoughts on old mobile phones. My dad always used a Nokia phone when mobile phones started entering the Indian market. I cherish the days I used to play Snake on it! And when I was 15, I got my very own Noia phone. Many dear and close-to-heart memories with that phone.

The term good mobile phone has gained new meaning these days. I have spoken to iPhone users, Samsung users and everyone else - any smart phone that lasts one year is a good phone.

The days of buying a mobile phone and keeping it for a couple of years is getting close to non-existence. I have blogged about old phones here before. They are issue-less and they get to the point. They are built with quality and durability. They are trust-worthy. I wonder if and when smart phones will achieve that level of technological development.

Going back to an old fashioned phone. It is something I aspire to do someday. Like all the other things I aspire to do and don't. Like how I want to study 5 hours a day and eat only at meal times and reduce fat in my body and spend more time painting and sleeping.

Dad's first Nokia - It's design is still classy!

My first Nokia - Thanks for a lovely two years you. I miss those days. 

New Music High

I love discovering songs. I am sure you do too!

Just a couple of days back I found the perfect song to lift my moods up and help me focus - It's time by Imagine Dragons.

I don't over do the song. Just one listen when I need it. Like a Panadol before the threat of a fever (Though I must warn you that I don't ever take a Panadol before/during/after a fever because I don't believe in taking medicines for trifles - just a metaphor).

Ofcourse my all time favourite inspiring song is All the right moves by OneRepublic. Listen to it on repeat when you need some thoughtful powerful music!

#4 - Inter-cultural differences and what we can do?

'I don't understand why we are arguing about this. What is happening in India does not concern you in anyway, does it?'

'That's the solution, isn't it? It does not concern us, why bother about it. I need some time alone, I'll see you later Jay..'

'Pri don't be silly..' Priya was already out of the room.

Jess and Priya met two years back at the freshman inauguration ceremony. Jess had made it half hour earlier to the venue being the punctual pedant she was and Priya was 5 minutes late being the nonchalant realist. They were seated next to each other and they started talking. The conversation that day between two opposite characters turned into a friendship built on trust and affection.

-- 

Today they were sitting in Jess’s room when Priya read something out aloud- Religious activists were hunting down unmarried couples in public places in India and forcing them to either marry or declare kinship. These groups violently attacked the public claiming they had lost their culture and were imitating the west. This incident was not the first of its kind. Just a month ago, a mob entered a resort and physically attacked a party that included women. They took the law in their hands and believed that they were bringing India's original culture back into the society by ruthlessly stopping the teenagers from having fun.

Jess for one did not understand why Priya bothered herself with these issues. She did not understand why someone who was so realistic about everything else, let this particular issue affect her. 'I think you worry about this too much. What do you think you can do? They'll find a way to punish the offenders'

It boiled Priya's blood to know of the animosity it was causing in the society. Her parents taught her a lot about religion, culture and values and feet were firm in her principles. However the exposure she got through education and life outside India opened her up for acceptance and appreciation of other belief systems. 'It is not their right to forcefully inflict a said-culture. Culture is up to the person who carries it. Inter-cultural differences can be solved by accepting one another, not through violence. The society needs such broad-mindedness for growth'

She was also mad at Jess for not understanding her place.

-- 

They hadn't spoken for 2 weeks. Jess felt terrible. Priya was never the kind to ignore; she would always come running back even after an argument. So to make up, Jess read up on the issue. She tried to understand why this was important for Priya. She had heard all of her opinions on the matter. She put her writing skills to use and created a blog. One that addressed Intercultural harmony and ways to achieve it through effective communication.

She knocked on Priya's door. 'Hi Pri, before you say anything I have to show you something' She opened up the blog. 'I think you and I should write on this. We can publicize the issue among students and expand from there. Let's do our part by educating people on showing empathy for differences'

Priya hugged Jess. This is why she needed her.

2102012

Today's date is a palindrome!

Ah the minuscule joys of life..