Racing to the top, racing to the bottom

How do you do something (anything)?

Do you immerse yourself and get your hands dirty? Do you speak about and think about it all the time? Do you work for it, with intent? Do you put in everything, and leave it to fate to come back to you?

Or do you always keep one foot out? Do you do everything you can do, but not everything you want to?

Do you race to the top?
Or do you race to the bottom?

The difference is always clear as a crystal to oneself.
Try intent today! I sure will.

Inspired by Seth Godin's post today.

Dealing with a crisis

I've been going through a personal crisis of sorts and it's taking a toll on the energy left for everything else. 

1 week later as I have painfully realized, here is a list of things you should (must) do when you are going through the same: 

1) Practice patience - this too shall pass. Time will heal. While you wait and sleep on actions, things miraculously change. You feel much better in the morning after a good nights sleep! 

2) Stay positive - this mind of yours is amazingly powerful. It can simulate the worst and the best scenarios, all equally sneaky in messing with your head. Remember to keep the mind in check.

(Don't let your mind think like these veggies) 

3) Expect the worst and the best - I find this technique quite useful if you have a creative mind. Imagine the best and the worst case scenario. Once you do that, you will face the reality of the issue at hand. You will realize that it's all not such a big deal! 

4) Feel lucky and take care of yourself - I can't stress enough on this on. Imagine the best case working out and go to bed, eat healthy and stay away from binge eating (alcohol too), put on your best clothes and your best look and put a smile on your face. 

5) Find your relax routine - mine is stripping my clothes after a long work day, throwing on an old t-shirt, grabbing home cooked dinner with a cold fruit juice, and watching things that make me laugh (kutti chutties, John Oliver, and Tamil movie comedies).

6) Reach out - The most important step of the process - form a board of directors and reach out to them. Meet them, talk to them, and just spend time with them. Your board of directors are typically people who can understand that you are going through something real, are positive, are sensible, and are willing to be there for you. (I have the most amazing board of directors. You know who you are - I am immensely lucky to have you guys)

I am doing every one of these 6 things and I promise you that I feel so much more in control. The crisis is not really one - it can and will be solved. The emotions are not permanent - they can and will transform. 

Life always does! Hold on tight, you're amazing :* 

(Feel free to reach out to me, if you think I can be useful as your crisis board member) 

Living alone

I've been living alone the past 10 ish days. My flat mates are both out of town and it's been a tremendous time alone. 

I've been lonely, not alone. I enjoy alone.  

As I came home to an empty apartment every evening, I asked myself many questions about solitude. I don't spend every waking moment with my flat mates when they are around. It's a 10 minute conversation and some laughter; sharing. 

No. I realized, it's more than that - it's the assurance of acceptance next door; it's knowing my company; it's the comfort familiarity provides; it's trust; it's safety; it's belonging. It's all the emotions I associate with my friends. 

And as I looked inside, I felt other things - fear and incompetency growing on me; deserted, unwanted, and unhappy. It was as if my deepest fears chose the perfect time to resurface. Today, I chose to fight these thoughts with some loud music, pizza, and coke. They left the building faster than they entered. If only I had done this every night! 

Yet, the question remains. Why do I feel this? Why couldn't I handle this week in comfort of knowing they'll be home soon? It is quite difficult to be lonely with access to internet. Yet, I managed to pursue that emotion. 

I believe the answer lies in me refusing to look. I believe the answer lies in asking myself these questions, till I find the reason for my fears. I believe the answer lies in asking why over and over again. I believe the answer lies in diverting this energy into something productive.

I won't be lonely then, will I?

Looking into her eyes

I've blogged about this before. And I find myself compelled to write about this again.

More than 2 years after I wrote about being shy when saying thank you and not looking at someone's eyes, I am glad to say I've changed that pattern!

Today, I find myself looking for opportunities everywhere to say my thank yous. And when I do look into the eyes of the person, there's a moment of connection. I am also starting to think that those moments of connection go a long way in building existing relationships and forging new ones.

Here it is - easy peasy. Before you begin to say something make eye contact. That''ll establish a pull which will help you get the words going. Smile if you must, and continue talking.

Congratulations, you've just made a new friend!

Living in Kairos

I watched this amazing movie called Kakka Muttai. It's a simple story about 2 brothers living in a slum in Chennai and their quest to eat a pizza. 

The story is a non-judgmental take on people and their wants.. 

As much as I loved the tiny well-portrayed scenes, what I loved the most was the overarching theme - the kids live in their kairos. Kairos is a greek word that signifies a time lapse, a moment of indeterminate time in which everything happens. 

Kairos.

Picking up coals that get them 15 cents a day. Staring at the sky for hours thinking about how they'll earn bucks to buy a pizza. Climbing trees. Stealing crow's eggs. Leaving an egg for the crow. Petting a puppy. Trying to sell their stray puppy. Innocent smiles. Innocent questions. Mother's love. Aaya's love. Aaya's presence of mind when she tries to recreate the pizza with dosa and veggies. Enjoying the TV. Counting the hard earned money. 'My name is chinna kakka muttai' introductions. Thirst to earn their pizza by themselves. 

Unassuming, beautiful time spent as kairos. 

Watch the movie. Or think about your kairos. I tried it today - stopped myself from focusing on multiple things at the same time; tried directing thoughts towards one point; tried enjoying the MRT ride with my eyes closed. It was pleasurable - the same things I do every day were even more pleasurable. 

90 per cent rule

I came across this gem of an idea while reading Essentialism by Greg Mckeown.

Every important decision you take, you ask yourself to place the option on a 100 mark scale. 

If it's not above 90, it's out. 

If it's not a definite yes, it's a no. 

Why would you want to choose an option you only feel 65% about? 

The sound of greatness

The young girl walks up around the foyer and on to the stage. There's an endearing elderly woman on the stage welcoming her with a warm smile. Beside her are a few other men and women, all paying attention to the young girl as she treads on the steps to the stage. After a little hesitation, she lifts her head up in confidence, taking the cue from those on stage.

She walks up to the elderly woman feeling glory right up to the brim of her self.

As she receives the prize, she hears the resounding claps of her friends, teachers, and of the entire school assembly.

She takes it all in.

That's how she'll remember success; every time she does something well, makes something work, helps someone understand something, and goes places.

She remembers the sound of the claps. She remembers her self full of glory. She remembers her ability to make waves. In her own tiny way.

---

I am thankful to my school for so many things. It made me who I am. And of all the things I learnt at Chettinad, I will remember this - the sound of greatness, the sound of claps.

This particular memory of mine, is not just my own. It is that of every student who studied in my school. We were given the opportunity to shine at whatever we chose - even if it was the greatness of showing up at school without taking one day of absence in a whole school year. My correspondent, Meena Aunty as we called her and her team of management, is skilled at creating stars - stars of all kinds.

My confidence comes from a place of worthiness. A place with foundations my school and teachers helped build.

I replay this moment in my head when I need courage, when I need assurance that I can do something.

Well.

---

And as I write this I recall another memory of mine. The great Abdul Kalam once visited my school for a science expo. I've never been in the presence of anyone so great up until that day. Standing with all my school mates, we cheered for him as he entered the auditorium. We clapped. We clapped. And we clapped.

Until there were tiny tears in my eyes.

Many would call it a Rajnikanth moment. A super star moment.

And as he started speaking, we listened intently. One could hear a pin drop in that big room with all those students.

Today, I don't remember what he said. But I definitely remember how I felt being there. I remember feeling greatness. I remember celebrating his success through our claps. Claps.

Claps. 

Look, keep looking

My phone's reception, battery life, and response speed signal the same conclusion everyday - phone's getting old.

I restart, reset, and refresh apps to signal back everyday - I won't give up yet.
 Just yesterday though, while I was losing some patience with my phone's 3G reception, I realized something - I have a 4G option?!?!!!  

I swiped it on and it felt like the Internet worked at double the speed. After some googling, I realized I had this option for more than a year. I just never knew! 

Solutions are at hand and within reach. For those who know where to look. For those who know how to look. For those who don't give up.

Less, but better

I watched this lovely video, where Greg Mckeown talks about essentialism! If you have an hour for tv shows, watch this instead :)

Less, but better.

More, needn't be the only way to go. The alternative is less, but better.

Focus, clarity, and effectiveness are the key thought principles of this idea - essentialism.

Mckeown talks about the opposite of our recent obsession with the undisciplined pursuit of more and proposes - the disciplined pursuit of less. Meetings all day, calendars scheduled from 7AM till 10PM, discussions with lunch, presentations with dinner. This sort of a life builds up more and more when you are climbing up the career ladder.

I am not even on a career ladder yet, and I find myself in not-so-productive meetings, just because.

Outside work, I obsess with how much I have on my plate. I try to do a lot of things, because that seems to be the only way to go.

Recently, I realized something when I was speaking to a wiser, older friend. He is a very busy man, a very typical A-game player. He's always doing something, somewhere! He shared his secret though - while he schedules meetings and dinners, he also schedules thinking time. Time that is untouchable - friends, family, and team. He calls it his synthesis time.

There's a similar story about the great Bill Gates. He used to shut himself up in a cabin for a week, and process ideas for the future of his company. He calls it his think week!

Mckeown also touches on priority, the singular and not priorities, the plural as we have made it in the 21st century! A bulb went off in my head when I heard that.

This week, I am narrowing my thoughts and efforts to my priority - at work and outside. One step at a time, I am going to try out this approach!

Good luck to you!

Remember, less but better!

PS: I've just ordered his book on amazon, more to come after the reading! 

Learning mindset

Since the past 2 weeks, I've started a new role at work. First day felt like first day in school! I was completely clueless about what was going on, trying to make new friends, and trying to fit in to the new environment! 

As I cross the 2 week mark today, the most important learning stands out.. 

Learning mindset is the key to satisfaction

The curiosity to ask questions, the energy to keep trying and the focus on getting to the results - are all attributes of the learning mindset. 

This approach has given me patience, courage, and new friends. It's amazing! 

To a new journey! 

A beautiful gem-less day

Today I feel beautiful! 
I woke up feeling refreshed. I got some emails sorted out. I had a good breakfast. I unwinded with scenes from a favourite movie as I ate. I got some work done. I switched on some music, showered, put on my new white shirt, and left for work. And as I type this, the music is still on! 

Mornings like this, before work are amazing.. It might be the fact that I read something amazing first thing in the morning, here (http://zenhabits.net/illusions/). 

I visualized this - me and my empty fuss-free self. There is no inner gem; I am protecting nothing. Am here to do some good, share some knowledge, learn some tricks, and spread some love. There's absolutely nothing inside that needs guarding and defending. No gem. I don't have to be right/competent/smart in everyone's eyes. 

And just so similarly, everyone has their own gem - things they are guarding and holding up. Their reactions and actions are to do with their gem and not mine. Hey, I don't even have a gem! 

I'll try this one day at a time! Today is gem-free! Today is ego-free!

Unconditional love for self

http://zenhabits.net/unconditional/

This just arrived in my inbox.. 

Unconditional love for self is a choice. Yes we have goals, dreams, and wishes. However, looking forward to these things shouldn't get in the way of perceiving the reality in less glamour! 

It shouldn't be a tendency to push this reality down in order to climb on to higher steps. I guess the present is always in a sadder, pitiful place from that perspective. 

This is you. These arms, these legs, this stomach, this smile, this walk, this home, these friends, this lover, these parents, this dog, this work, this company and this impact. This is all you(rs). 

Relish it! 

'I am great, I am beautiful, I am awesome and this day I am going to make all those things about me even better!' 

Happiness and contentment are choices we need to consciously make! 

Ordinary vs. Extraordinary

Do not ask your children

to strive for extraordinary lives.

Such striving may seem admirable,

but it is the way of foolishness.

Help them instead to find the wonder

and the marvel of an ordinary life.

Show them the joy of tasting

tomatoes, apples and pears.

Show them how to cry

when pets and people die.

Show them the infinite pleasure

in the touch of a hand.

And make the ordinary come alive for them.
The extraordinary will take care of itself.

- William Martin

I came across this beautiful treasure on Facebook! What a lovely thought - cultivating a habit in the soul to do ordinary things. We find love in the most simple gestures - holding the door open for someone and waving a hand to say goodbye. We find meaning in simple thoughts - saying 'I love you' and asking 'how was your day?'. We find joy in things that cost nothing - laughing with a friend and rain. We find satisfaction in simple things - eating the last bite of ice cream and getting a free slice of cake on your birthday.

I agree and wish that I did more to indulge in simple things, in everyday.

I disagree with (the phrase) not striving for an extraordinary life. I think that strife comes only when we indulge in ordinary things! Eating well, respecting the body, saying thank you, getting the needful rest, remembering to think of the universe and our minuscule role in the big picture, celebrating small wins, cultivating habits, enjoying the moment, and having fun. 

And sure enough, the extraordinary things will take care of itself!

Good night! 

Measuring customer service, inch by inch

Working in a field that is Customer Service at the crux and spending so much of my conscious thought on inspiring people to want to give good customer service, I look for good examples of the same everywhere.

Flight journeys are times when the genuineness of the customer service is obvious. I enjoy taking notes of their behaviour/training from my seat! I am yet to travel on a flight that gives awesome customer service. Might be because I frequent the MAA-SIN route more than any other, and because of which my data points are rather concentrated.

I had an epiphany earlier today while being onboard a flight from MAA. The difference in good customer service, from a bad one - lies in the gestures you make, in your entire body language.

The steward who came to give me food, bent down, asked for my meal preference, and placed the food on my tray; no other glamorous moves. The steward who came to collect my tray, stood there, with his hand stretched out, at about 1 inch (no exaggerations) away from the tray. I didn't notice him for a full 30 seconds, after which I lifted the tray, by that 1 inch, for the hand to collect it.

Now this 1 inch, is customer service. Or should I say customer satisfaction?

I was happy to hand him the tray, completely. What baffled me was that he stood there, without any speech, without any motion, but with his single demanding gesture of a stretched out hand barely short of the tray's reach.

If he had gone for grabbing the tray, I would have gladly put forth my help too. He would have made me feel thankful for having such help. Instead here I am writing a blog post about him.

Customer satisfaction, is going that extra inch to help your customers. You offer kindness and gratitude, for which they offer loyalty to your brand. We practice such gestures at UNIQLO - welcoming the customer once they are enter the store, offering assistance, using both hands to hand/take anything to/from the customer, smiling in all interactions, and thanking the customer for having visited us. I feel glad to have been trained so rigorously in giving this small inch of satisfaction to my customer. 

Hello 2015!

Its a whole new year and I am full of hope! Who isn't! 
I read a article earlier in the day about how just 8% of the people succeed in their new year resolutions every year. 

Who cares about statistics, hope is the whole point of existence! I want to do so many things in this year. And as these thoughts come by, I can't resist to firstly think of the year that has gone by. 

It was my first new year as an adult.

It was my first whole year of complete accountability.

It was the first whole year of salary. 

The first half of the year was great, I was in the glory of tiny successes at work. I was motivated by the recognition I got. I worked crazy hours and I was happy.
1) Increased expectations for myself: I intend to give up my usual pushover self. And to practice my strong will a lot more, actually in everything I do this year. At work, this would overhaul the way I have been dealing with things. I am breathing fresh air into all my projects as I write this. 2) Staying positive: It's the only way that works. Worrying, mourning, and bawling has helped nothing and no one. I should know that by now. 3) Staying calm: I display way too much emotions than I intend to. I have been a reactive person. I wish to change that and be a responsive person. Armed with these principles, I wish to go uphill on the path of learning! Perhaps the equation below will sum up my goals for the year :) 

The second half was spent in mourning; in doubt. I am still quite unsure why and what sparked the whole movement of backlash in my head. I think I was taking it out on myself. Work slowed down and I wasn't getting enough challenges. Rather, I was blind to all the opportunities that came by.

And as I recollect all those emotions, acknowledge them, and put them aside in the 2014 box, I feel like I am in a better place. I don't feel so light headed as I used to. I have thought about this coming year and I want it to be along the following things/themes:

Glow

I was watching Amelie (again) earlier in the day, and there is this scene where she walks away after helping an old man find his time capsule, from 40 years ago. It is pretty much the turning point of the movie. I love that movie. Absolutely. It captures small pleasures of life in the most astonishing way. It makes you want to work hard; to take initiative; to do things - all to stay and spread 'happy'. Because, quite simply, life is better that way. 

Let's talk about that scene. Below are the translated dialogues from that scene, in which she sees the fruit of her pursuit in helping a man remember good times. 

Amélie suddenly feels in perfect harmony with herself.
everything's perfect: the softness of the light, 
that little scent in the air, the peaceful sounds of the city .
Life seems so simple and crystal-clear that she's swept 
by this desire to help the all mankind. 

THIS my friends is the feeling I am referring to - the wind is in your hair; your eyes are sparkling; your smile is starring across the content face; your arms are swinging away; your walk is telling a story. And sometimes, that familiar feeling makes your stomach go funny. It starts in your stomach, rides up the throat, touching the heart on the way, and reaches your mouth. And if the intensity is stronger it rises up to your eyes and causes tears to well.

Some call it delight, some satisfaction, and some contentment. It's the feeling that fills you up entirely.   

You glow. 

After these times of satisfaction. 

You glow. 

At the evidence of your better self.

You glow. 

When you feel like a million bucks.

You glow. 

When you are infinite. 

You glow in the bravest of moments, after you accomplished something that you've been struggling with. You glow at times of sharing, from jedi to padawan. You glow at moments of seeing your hard work take form. You glow when you help someone. 

And there is this one lovely tweak to this phenomenon. You glow when you see someone else glow! 

For this glow, I wish; that this 2015 will be full of it - for me and you !

Pop music? Do fathers sing it? Or do they say 'pop' all the time?

Caution: Post ahead describes the life of an extreme noob when it comes to good music. Practice patience if you grew up on the other end of the rainbow! 

I sat amidst two friends two nights ago as they discussed rock bands and pop culture in India in the late 90s. I felt left out for most of the conversation and didn't have much to contribute. 

Fictional zoom to late 90s in my home..

D: Amma I want to go to this pop concert. May I?

A: Pop ah. Ethuku di chellam athelam? What do you get out of living an American life? We are in India. Let's stay grounded to this reality. Life isn't what those Americans live on your 'friends' tv show. There's a lot more to it... 

And she would go on and on and on

And btw when she said 'there's a lot more to life' she really meant 'there's a lot more culture to life'

Now mind you, this is a fictional zoom. Eventhough my mom has brought up the 'American life in friends' reference for anything remotely out of line - like ordering pizza. 

I as a kid until I was 13 did not know of a world of pop. I only knew Michael Jackson and thought that what he sang was called pop music, thanks to a particular uncle who loved listening to his CDs.

I am not sure which part of my childhood I owe thanks to (probably my mom), I grew up with a good overdose of Rahman, Kollywood and a rare influence of Bollywood. My family had no branches outside of Tamilnadu up until the late 90s. So that ruled out the possibility of bandha Bombay cousins and cool Calcutta second cousins who would influence my taste in music with exotic foreign elements. 

I grew up listening to Vijay and Ajith mouth Vairamuthu's Tamil lyrics. The source was radio stations that blared Tamil movie songs 24*7. That was my comfort zone. Then there was Shah Rukh Khan in Uyire - thanks to which I proudly know a few words of Hindi. That was the maximum I extended my music knowledge to. 

I know what you're thinking now. You're thinking I am one of those girls that attended every classical music recital in the 20km radius around my house dressed in a pattu paavadai. Sadly, you're wrong. The only classical music I knew was 'Igiri Nandhini' because we had to sing it in school prayers every Friday. 

Either this background or my own weird self is the reason for my inclination towards a non existent music life. Even to this day, I don't know the latest songs or what's on top 100 on billboard. I junk through spotify in search of some soul/blues/jazz when I am feeling smart. At other times, I settle for piano or guitar instrumental - because it soothes me. 

So that's it - that's the life of a music noob. 

Randomness apart, have a good week!

Is it too soon to give up?

For you one month is too soon, for him one year is too soon and for her one decade is too soon. 

When do you give up?

- when you feel let down

- when you don't grow

- when you only seem to be stuck

- when you stop learning

- when you stop innovating

- when you don't give it a 100% anymore

- when you get negative results

- when you get disapproved 

- when it's not morally right 

What about this then?

What about when you don't feel noticed at all?

What about when you are the nonchalance? 

What do you do at such testing times?

Do you fight back and say 'I will go forth' 'I will stay' 'I will do everything to move'?

Or do you give up? Do you accept defeat, learn a lesson, and still move on?

Where do you draw a line? 

| Chulbuli

SMS and delayed gratification

'1 message received'

Fluttering moments pass as I click the 'read' button. I wait in bated breath, under my sheets, as the Nokia takes it's own sweet time to reveal the '1 message received'. As I read the message, a part of my mind is drafting the reply. I click on 'reply' and type out the message. I re-write the message several times replacing the words, editing the punctuations to mask the shamefully overwhelming regard with unassuming nonchalance. Just to make sure the person does not over estimate my interest. I would wait more often than not, to reply at a time that is a sweet spot just in between too eager and disinterested.

This was a typical moment, a typical teenage moment in my life, 10 years ago.

This was delayed (sometimes on purpose) gratification. No, it wasn't about the boy I had a crush on. This was a reaction to pretty much any communication in the wonderful world of SMS.

The sender does not know if you received the message, the sender does not know if you read the message, the sender does not know if you are typing out a reply, the sender certainly does not know if you are editing that reply, and the sender most definitely does not know if you are waiting to send your reply. You can't send images, you need to use words to create the image. You can't send voice messages, you need to rely on punctuation. Excessive fullstops for a long pause. Several exclamation marks for excitement or disapproval.

After this episode replays back and forth, for about 15 times between the two people, it's time to say 'good night'. After sending that 'good night', I'd go back and click on the special messages - those that meant something more, the confusing messages - those that exercise my dilemma 'what could she possibly mean', the long messages - those that came in 4 parts and I had to wait till all were in my inbox to read them at one go, the one word messages - often the sweetest, the wise messages - those that were fit to be framed and hung in your living room.

And as I read through, without knowing when, I 'd fall asleep. 

What do you see?

A friend shared something on Facebook, something disturbing. It was a portrayal of fairytale princesses juxtaposed on the common issues faced by women. The artist has gone to the extremes of assuming everything that would go wrong after the fairytale ended and depicted her assumed reality in powerful images. It is an amazing tableau.

Take a look at the work here, and I have warned you. Even if you only know a tiny thing or two about them fairytales, it will disturb you.

I was so sad, going through these images; after having my fairytale endings shattered with pessimism. I had a lot of after thought - is this true? Would all this have really happened if the pages continued after the happily ever after?

Now, I understand that the artist wants to do this very consciously, that she wants to light up issues affecting women around the world through something that is very close to our hearts. In an interview she has even said that little girls being so obsessed with princesses inspired her to start this project.

However, I can't stop myself from thinking about the optimistic ending to these stories.

Snow White could have conquered family and career. We could have seen the struggle AND the victory (She could have hired a help to clean the house as well!)

Cinderella could be helping alcohol addicts revive their lives.

Rapunzel could have survived cancer, and shown us what she can do.

Red riding hood could be taking care of old people and helping them figure out happiness.

Maybe I am too optimistic for this world, and I can go on.


I just think there are two ways of looking at a cup - it's either half full or half empty!