What do you see?

A friend shared something on Facebook, something disturbing. It was a portrayal of fairytale princesses juxtaposed on the common issues faced by women. The artist has gone to the extremes of assuming everything that would go wrong after the fairytale ended and depicted her assumed reality in powerful images. It is an amazing tableau.

Take a look at the work here, and I have warned you. Even if you only know a tiny thing or two about them fairytales, it will disturb you.

I was so sad, going through these images; after having my fairytale endings shattered with pessimism. I had a lot of after thought - is this true? Would all this have really happened if the pages continued after the happily ever after?

Now, I understand that the artist wants to do this very consciously, that she wants to light up issues affecting women around the world through something that is very close to our hearts. In an interview she has even said that little girls being so obsessed with princesses inspired her to start this project.

However, I can't stop myself from thinking about the optimistic ending to these stories.

Snow White could have conquered family and career. We could have seen the struggle AND the victory (She could have hired a help to clean the house as well!)

Cinderella could be helping alcohol addicts revive their lives.

Rapunzel could have survived cancer, and shown us what she can do.

Red riding hood could be taking care of old people and helping them figure out happiness.

Maybe I am too optimistic for this world, and I can go on.


I just think there are two ways of looking at a cup - it's either half full or half empty!

A year of surprises - !

It was my birthday yesterday. I turned 22 years young and bought myself some red lipstick to feel the glam. 

I pray for a year of surprises and resolve to 'say yes before saying no'. And by that I mean, think twice before rejecting a new idea or opportunity. By that route, I hope to step on to a year of surprises! 

And so since it was my birthday inaugurating this wish for surprises - I hoped for two wishes and two gifts (come on, who doesn't like them!). 

Wishes

You always want to feel special on your birthday. It's that burning need cutting through your being; atleast for me. I wear my crown with pride that day; you can see it in my walk, if you look closely. 

And following all those emotions, I expect wishes from near and far; from love and hate. 

Reality - Some people whom I expected to call forgot it was my birthday, some loved ones stayed loyal and made me feel special with calls from across the seas, some wished me today morning, and most importantly, some of whom I had forgotten remembered to think of me. 

Gifts

I don't need a separate heading here. But just that my expectations for the day were divided into 3 main segments and gifts was one of them. 

Reality - I got none.

(I am lying, I made my parents spend a bit of their fortune and buy me a very fancy watch. Reason - they bought it for me when I visited them and not ON my birthday!)

Surprises

I like to think that I love surprises!

Reality - The night ended with someone calling me joker lookalike for wearing red lipstick. Not so glam, afterall.

I was rightly surprised at the end of the day as I went to bed! It all slowly came together. I indeed got my day full of surprises - starting from the first wish to the last; from the first meal to the last.  

Oh and I also spent an hour with a very successful (and rightly so) and lovely woman! It was an hour spent in awe for the way she framed her answers to all my curious questions. In retrospect - I couldn't have asked for a better gift! 

Today, I am happier as I count those meals and conversations as my wishes, gifts, and surprises :) 

And so, to a year of surprises, I raise a glass! 

What job did you hire her for?

I have been reading a thoroughly insightful book about the fundamentals of life - it's called 'How will you measure your life?' by a man who 'just gets it' - Clayton Christensen.

I am not entirely done with the book and I can't recommend it enough; already. If not for anything else you must read it for the principle about relationships. He suggests you question every relationship with this - 'what job is this person hiring you for?'. When you answer it you see the relationship from the other persons point of view; you see their expectations; you see their side of the picture. Once you decide this relationship means something to you, you gotta give everything you have to complete that job for that person. 

I understand that it can't apply to all the relationships we keep, but it certainly clarifies what lens I should be looking at my personal-and-close-to-heart relationships through. 

How powerful! Do read the book! It'll make you pause and ask the right questions :)

Learning from mistakes

It was a bad day at work. My very first of many more, as I have come to realize. I did not know how to react when things went wrong and started to fall apart. Stage 1 was denial as usual. And then I went through complain, acceptance, realization, and humor - through the day.

I was angry, mostly at myself; confused, at what I was doing; impatient, because I wanted to get away.

Making mistakes is an important part of the learning process. But being the person I am, I like to think that I don't make mistakes; that I am thorough. That itself was my first mistake. 

Refusing to acknowledge what had happened led to me being unfocused, adding some more smaller stones to the bucket of mistakes.

I was devising plans of quitting by now. How I'll resign; what I'll tell my mentors; what I'll do instead; and I also managed to cover which jobs I'll apply for.

And finally, like I always do with other things - I wanted to run away from the problem. When you are working in an environment like mine, you realize how that's near impossible. 

Thankfully, I reached realization by now and started working on my errors. I called it a bad day and did my best. I wrote down my errors and acknowledged them. I also wrote down what I'll do to make them go away. 

This was a long overdue lesson. Today, am happy; I know exactly why I am doing what I am doing; and I know how I am doing everything consciously. Today, I feel powerful, knowing that yesterday was just the day that had to be! 

It takes courage - but do it, face your mistakes, and make a sincere effort to acknowledge them. I know I will strive hard to not repeat all that again. 

"How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before beginning to improve the world." | Anne Frank

I read this as I procrastinated yet another personal project. How simple, how true! What am I waiting for? 

I am going try and ask mysel this question today. Every time; before I push something aside.

A little magical spot

I walk through a bunch of malls and food courts before I get to work everyday. It's a 10 minute walk that is my own sweet time just before getting ready to work. 

Now a part of this walk is through a glass dome that let's the outside environment transcend indoors only in the form of light. Otherwise working behind closed doors and windows this is usually my last sneak to the outside till later in the night. 

Today as I walked through this part I realized how it had the potential to be something amazing! It was raining outside and a usually bright day was replaced by dulled outsides. The bustling Sunday crowd only helped the mood, making it feel like a happy place. And I found myself saying 'what a magical day!' 

A kids perspective

It's been a commute high these past few weeks. Be it at home, in chennai where I was going across towns visiting grandparents, temples, and favorite restaurants or now back in Singapore with parents around. 

As a result there is the favourite task of noticing what fellow commuters are upto. Last evening I was on a pretty empty bus. Just as I got in and tapped I noticed a very friendly looking guy. He was obviously special. He waved frantically as people entered the bus all in return for an array of weird stares; obviously judgmental stares. 

I looked at him but could not help breaking into a smile. I was no different by the way. My smile was half guilty for not mimicking my fellow travelers in disapproving of his seemingly innocent happiness, and only half happy in seeing him.

I walked across him and into the back of the bus, lost in thoughts of my own inspired by the warm music playing in my ears. And every subsequent commuter had only judging glares. We were all united in our censure. Nothing was out of place. 

There was a kid next to me with his grandfather, and it looked like he was being picked up from school. The poor darling was tired and tried hard to keep his head from bobbing away in sleep. As if his efforts weren't enough, the grandfather would whack him on his thigh if he dozed a breath. 

A little while later the kids stop arrived and the couple got off their seats to walk to the door. The kid was just getting to terms with beating his sleep till he gets home. Like a drunk man, his legs gave way as he came dancing to stand still. He then looked around and remembered the special young man. He walked up to the man and waved, spelling 'bye'. They continued to wave to each other till the boys stop arrived.

I sat there putting my head down in embarrassment. What is it that makes us guilty of people living in their own will. When exactly do we stop being that kid and turn into heartless monsters. In fact isn't it our duty as responsible humans to show more compassion to that young man to make him feel included? Especially when he makes the first move.

You reap what you sow

One of the best things about living in my hostel is this - there is a supermarket that satisfies most of the urgent needs of a student. They even stocked up on my favourite cereal and my loyalty has been set in stone, since. Another part I admire about the store is how a group of middle aged women run it. In the first two years of university, there used to be a very friendly Aunty who even knew most of her customers on a first name basis. 

I came back to live in the same hostel in my fourth year only to find that friendly Aunty replaced by someone else - someone who didn't seem to like smiling or small talk, much. I reciprocated her air and didn't try to be friendly like I normally do. I didn't even thank her as often I'd like to. 

This morning I walked into the store deep in thought; I picked up my routine breakfast items and walked to the counter without noticing her. I smiled and thanked without remembering to maintain an air of nonchalance. And to all my surprise she returned my courtesy with a smile. 

That's when I realized something. To get affection you need to give it. To get anger you need to give it. To get a smile you need to give it. To get compromise you need to give it. It's a two way process; always will be. 

How Google became my grandmother

I was talking to a retail entrepreneur about her journey in the industry so far. She spoke of her inspiration, her interests, and her dreams for the retail experience in the future. As we were going through different perspectives on our common interests, she brought up the idea of how help is so much closer to our reach than ever before in history.

She spoke of simpler times when one had to go look up encyclopedias to understand a concept. She spoke of the labour went into gaining knowledge; of how that affects the experience of understanding; of how one feels after gaining the knowledge.

And she contrasted that with the current day scenario where one simply looks up the concept on Google only to get 100,000 results in 0.04 seconds, as opposed to spending hours in the library.

I thought about how Google has indeed become my grandmother once I moved out of home. Pimple problem, math doubt, travel log, society interaction, and pasta recipe. It has got everything you need. It has summed up communication and access to information into a simple package for the user.

It is a wonderful time to be alive indeed!

Humans, first

I just read a local controversial article and as much as the gossiper in me wants to highlight it, the context is unnecessary. So I won't bring the issue up. What I do want to bring up is that we are humans first. 

People tend to forget the fact that pain is pain and blood is blood. Issues like rape and sexual assault are the same everywhere. Whoever does it to whoever else. Wherever it happens. Whenever. Life is life. 

It is so easy to get caught in a nationalist, regionalist, and cult sense before we realize that the pain was felt by another life. 

So before we draw conclusions, before we jump the gun, before we judge, before we spew the harsh words, it is pertinent to remember - life is life. 

Humans, first. 

Window AC, soan papdi, and motte maadi

It's countdown time in my world. I am down to the last few exams and presentations. Also that means time at home is coming soon and I can't help but make long lists of places to visit, projects to work on, people to meet, food to eat, and things to do.

I have been curating my list and just in time, a close friend sent this video. I don't care so much for the romance that goes on as much as for the things they do! It brought back memories of weekends with friends and family doing what the couple does, in Chennai. Apart from the video contributing to my never-ending-list-of-trivial-to-dos, it led to the three highlights of this post - window AC, soan papdi, and motte maadi.

Window AC was the highlight of summers as a kid. The thing with old age window AC is this - you can sit right in front of it and let all the cold air blow the summer away in seconds. As kids, me and brother used to fight for the place that receives maximum AC inside the room. This problem of positioning had become the root cause for K-5 war MMCCCLXXXVII.

We would of course not always fight. Mom would never let us turn the damn thing on if she saw us fighting. So instead warriorraja and warriorrani would compromise to set aside our differences till we got the permission to switch it on. We'd march into the room basking in our success, and turn the red knob down. You had to wait one whole minute for the regulator to take its own sweet time to get ready. The shoving and pushing starts as soon as the loud regulator starts humming the tune of heaven, bringing the breeze with it. We'd again resume to compromise and figure out a way to mutually benefit from an arrangement in front of the blades.

Soan papdi a.k.a Indian cotton candy was for the good days. If we had finished our homeworks on time, studied what we had to with focus, and if mom was in a happy mood - we'd swoon when we hear the soan papdi guy on the streets. Mom would send one of us to get the money from her purse and the other to go stop the guy. The three of us would rush down to buy the candy that would be packed in perfectly symmetrical cones of newspaper. We'd rush back, sit around in a circle and hog. If such a thing as nirvana existed, it probably tastes like hot, fresh soan papdi. 

Motte madi a.k.a terrace is that place on earth where you can lose yourself. I have never been on expensive holidays to exotic locations where I rejoiced in the wonders of earth, as a kid. But I have been to the terrace. Every time I needed to think, every time I needed some breeze, every time I felt like showing some love to my parents' little terrace garden, every time I wanted to sketch in daylight, every time I needed to get away from home, every time I felt the need to jog away my excess fat, every time I wanted to be happy, every time I wanted to see the sun set, and every time I wanted to see the moon glow.

The window AC has long been replaced by the split AC (always thought it was the most unimaginative name for a piece of technology) and the soan papdi guy found better prospects of employment - needing me to find a replacement to relive these two moments. But the motte maadi remains. And I can't wait to go back and indulge!

Actions vs. Consequences

(Source)

This HBR article struck a chord. And also because I have been preparing for an ethics module these past few days, I get multiple opportunities to see actions and consequences in different light.

How many times do we think only about our actions and not about our consequences? The HBR article tackles just one focused case of actions vs. consequences - 'How do say sorry keeping in mind that the person was affected by the consequences of your action, and not the action itself?'.

Think about how this simple theory can be spread far and across! What are the consequences of watching YouTube videos or chatting on Facebook more than a limit? What are the consequences of taking a relationship for granted? What are the consequences of being unaccountable? What are the consequences of procrastinating?

This concept comes back to understanding the problem from the other perspective. "Don't judge a man till you have walked two moons in his moccasins".

Today's learning is to think outsider your view point and become more accountable!

--

Update:

So I did it! I made someone angry yesterday and I apologized today after thinking through the problem from his point of view as well. I told him how I understood his perspective and how I feel his emotions. I explained why the consequences of his actions angered me, and how I understand the consequences of my actions. Luckily for me, he took it well and we spoke. It all ended on a good note.

And boy, I feel SO good. I know he does too! This has been a good day.  

Last class as an undergraduate

Minutes ago, I walked out of my last ever class as an undergraduate. I have dreamt of this moment over and over again these past few years. The moment when it would actually come to an end. I have thought about my exact feelings, what I would wear, what I would think, what I would say, and to whom.

And never in all those mid-day dreams, did I feel the feeling in my tummy right now. The painful, shallow, wide, and weird feeling in my tummy could be called anxiety; about the future and about what's really in store; about my dreams and aspirations; about change and progression. It feels like how it would when you pack your last box and walk out of your house - because you grew out of this one and it is time to move on. It feels like saying good bye to a loved one - one who, you wont be seeing for quite some time. It feels like knowing the street vendor who sells coconuts, shouting across my colony in Chennai, India, has walked his cart across my street and into the next one - one which is a point of no return in his everyday coconut round.

This event, today, marks the beginning of an end. There are many more lined up for the coming days. I would finish my uni, technically one month from today. I would move out of my dorm room, in two weeks from then. I would walk around the campus for the last few times in the coming days. I would buy pathetic yet heartwarming anjappar food from the lovely Annas, who are full of man-vaasam to remind me of home and hospitality, for the last few times. I would probably also feel the naive unassuming attachment to an educational community for the last time.

If my grandmother were to describe the change in me, before and after college, she'd probably use the word - 'shocking'. Yes, that would precisely be the phrase she'd use. Well, I mean ideally, ofcourse - if she knew my entire story before college, my entire story through college, and my entire story after college. I take a look at myself, at the woman in the mirror. And there stares the 17 year old girl from across the beyond. The girl that is no more. I look at her and at myself - one scan from head to toe. A chickenfeatherlike-more-updated hair style from a healthy-traditional-braided one; a head that has churned through knowledge, emotions, and experiences nothing ever that the naive mind was capable of imagining; eyes, that are older and hopefully wiser than the innocent ones in the mirror; the recent development of a willfully pierced nose that carries the stamp of home; a tiny paunch that came from.. well, I don't want to talk about that, moving on..a tiny paunch that adorns my midriff now from the flat belly of a teenager; legs that have walked on a little more than the Madras lands.

Ugh, growing up. The more and more I think about it, it's about the moments you collect. These 4 years have zipped past, changed me, introduced me to people, and taken me to places I didn't even dream of. Another 4, another 10, and if I am blessed another 20 will pass. I am sure I will recollect all those years at every landmark, and reminisce in the glory.

(I am guessing more nostalgic pellets are on the way, seeing the plan me and my friends are making for the last few days of "a phase")

Givers, Takers, and Matchers

It was yet another dose of Maria Popova's lovely weekly pickings. This week what stood out, was her understanding of Adam Grant's Give And Take. My amalgamated understanding of the same is the crux of this blog post.

Part - I

Takers: They take more than they give. They believe that the world is purely competitive, and they strive to beat everyone else in the race. They look out for themselves and put them selves ahead of anyone else. A taker strategically helps people - when he/she knows what's the use in return.

Givers: They give more than they take. Or so they make it seem. Their approach at workplace is more towards giving up their personal space and time to come forward and help others. A giver is more bent on sharing their time, knowledge, skills, and resources, at the risk of losing their leverage.

Matchers: And there's always the guys who are in between. They strike a balance between both the scales. They believe in tit for tat and reciprocity of favours.

--

What's my first thought post this bit of insight? I cringed at knowing I was a giver - in relationships, in work, in sharing. I felt mortified that it would put me at a disadvantage. My mind ran a quick reel of my experiences and I saw myself giving more than I needed to. Though, I strike a bit of balance by not being so explicit about it.

Part - II

Givers across professions were found to be less successful. Of course?! What does one imagine when you give at the opportunity cost of your leverage?

Turns out though, that givers are worst AND top performers. The takers and matchers make the safe middle belt. Givers can be as ambitious as the other two. It's their way of reaching out to their social circles, that makes them more of a favourite (or not). When a taker wins, there's usually someone who loses. But when a giver wins, there are people rooting for them.

All three do win, of course. It's just that when the giver wins, there seems to be a ripple effect around them. They create value, differently.

--

Part - II was certainly a good consoling find. Giving does not mean losing. Taking does not mean cunning. The takeaway is that - one can use one's persona or natural tendency to one's success in anyway possible. It is all up to you to figure your game out.

I am excited to read this book and gain more insights! 

Mind wandering causes unhappiness?

I have been under an extreme time crunch these past few days - all in an concerted effort to produce a good thesis. My productivity has been higher than typical days, driven by my deadlines. And the pressure to perform these past 1-2 weeks, has kept me very aware of my mindfulness. 

I was able to catch myself drifting away from the work and thinking of unimportant, irrelevant thoughts. And like Killingsworth says above, more often unpleasant than pleasant things. This was a heavily detrimental cycle, as I would bring myself back to my work and make myself focus on what was important. 

I wasted a lot of time doing this, in spite of having good productivity levels, overall. I recollect how mom always asked me to focus only on what I do. A time when she used to observe this a lot was during meal times. I used to check my phone, talk on it, watch television, read a book, or even clean my room as I had meals. 

Afterall, 'Zen is doing one thing at a time'. The goal for the next ten days, is to observe my focus levels, continue to work on meditation, and to see if I am improving. I have also signed up on trackyourhappiness.org

I'll report back in ten days! 

Just be, just me

I'll be just me

Just
Me

Usually,
Sambhar lover
Ambitious dreamer
Righteous principle-er
Thinline doodler
Catch phraser
Colour shopper
Pattern maker
Dream catcher
Loud blabber

Recently,
Indie junky
Harem funky
Control monky

So I'll just be
Just me

A Good Helping of Nostalgia

Little things that don't seem to matter today, somehow become the milestones of tomorrow. I don't remember any memory markers fixing themselves inside my head when I had curd rice and curry for lunch, at home. I don't even remember telling myself "This is heaven, you will probably find this hard to chance upon in future", whenever I had yummy food.

Just yesterday, I was recollecting to my friends about how it had been ages since I ate with my hands. There is an old saying my grandmother used to often recollect at mealtimes. I don't remember the exact words, but it goes along the lines of "Eating with your hands makes the food even yummier". Rushed, salted, hoteled versions of the same food mom makes at home - is never suitable for eating with hands. Or so I tell myself. It's mostly utensil dining. Spoons, Forks, and Knives lead the way to the mouth. Not primitive Hands. They are just followers or second-fiddles in the journey.

Today, I walked down to the canteen to grab a box of curry and rice. I came back to my room and switched-on Best of Phoebe Buffay on YouTube. As I unwrapped my food I realized I could actually sit down on the floor, spread my foil, and get my Hands to work; to lead the way. And that is exactly what I did.

And man, that felt like heaven--all over again. I remembered every meal I ate at home and all those memories came back with no special markers. They were just memories from another day, in the past.

Moments like these have the power to recharge you and boost the depleted willpower account for the day. And that is exactly what I needed.

And for special perks - my room feels like home with all the smell of food. I am a happy walrus.

It can't be a collection of whatevers

If you're a regular here, you know how much of a slave I am for sincere conversation. Me and two other girl friends were indulging in one, a couple of nights back. We spoke about our lives, our mothers, our dreams, our lessons and our prejudices.

The most important thing that stood out from that night for me, was this - Days can't be collections of whatevers. "For one who does not know to which harbour to sail to, every wind is unfavourable!" Of course we don't know if that is the final destination, but at any point in time we must work towards something.

Yes, process matters at the end of the day. And even that process is directed at a goal! Days are too short to be taken as they come. What is the joy if there isn't a challenge or a struggle or a fight?

I have often anticipated pangs of joy or guilt, if something was to go right or wrong. But every single time, I have been disappointed with my emotions. I have never felt as happy as I thought I'd feel. I have never felt as sad as I thought I'd feel. The process pretty much determines the magnitude of importance of a particular experience. It is in this process, where lies the challenge. And that is why I can't just let it be and that is why I need to keep pushing my game up. 

Should we take a break from technology once in a while?

I was with a bunch of friends earlier today morning, returning from a friend's (new) home. It's Chinese New Year in this part of the world, and almost everyone is taking off to spend time home, with family and friends. Shops are closed, buses are more empty, people are dressed in red, kids are happy to hold their parents hands on a monday morning, aunties are visiting their sweetheart temples, and families are meeting.

Yet, people like us who are away from families and who don't really celebrate the new year, need to be fed. We scampered to get breakfast at a mall and by the time we were done, I was impatient to leave for home. In an impulse, assuming my friends will join me I walked towards the MRT. I even got on the train before looking back to see if they were behind.

That's when I realized they were not around, and interestingly, my phone was out of charge. I could not tell them I was gone. This absence of technology put me in stress for a good 2 minutes. Thankfully, I asked two friendly parents for help, on the MRT, and texted one of my friends. Like the guy nicely put it, "I was feeling like a fugitive" till they were kind enough to let me use their phone. Later, I made conversation with an aunty looking chic in her red dress. She even welcomed me to come back to Singapore, if India was not doing so well in the future.

I was so happy that I made random conversations with people. Normally, I would have been texting or playing SuDoKu - keeping to myself.

My grandfather would make conversation on public transport always. Who even does that anymore? For all you know, you might come off as weird, if you try anything like that. The general buzz in the air this weekend, and this morning especially, makes me think of the real-person-time we spend.

Yes, "There is another person on another train on the other end of the phone", like a friend put it. Yet, I am tempted to imagine a distraction less life. I want to try shutting out technology for an hour atleast every day; instead, spend it with a person. And, make a habit out of it. Let's see!

Burning bridges

I had a very insightful conversation with older and wiser friends yesterday. It got me thinking about relationships and what we do in order to keep them.

I have had a bad history of relationships in my childhood. I am not that kid who is still friends with her first standard class mate. People change, you change, things change. That said I think I learnt a valuable lesson of keeping relationships when I went through a major break up when I was 14. (Sounds extremely silly in retrospect, but that is the point of this post in a way. To value relationships for what they are, when they are!)

Since that drama between 14 year old girls who did not know what they were doing, I have strived harder to be there for someone, to take help from someone, and to keep a relationship with someone.

"Don't let a little dispute, injure a great relationship", goes a buddhist saying.

Burning bridges might not be the best solution at hand. Forgive and forget. If you feel your space has been violated, you don't need to make it up, but you can let it be. Nothing good ever comes out of cutting someone completely out our lives. In this world full of 7 billion people, think of the number of relationships we get to keep. A tiny meagre number.

I have tried burning the bridge and staying reachable. I can say with my heart on a plate that the second technique makes me a happier person. What else are we here for anyway?

Today, it is a reminder to myself; to keep forgiving and forgetting; to keep the path boulder-free. I will be at the other end of the stick and I would need the same treatment from someone. A chance!

Thanks to some wonderful and not-so-kind people I have met over all these years. Every one of you has given me love and lessons.